✦—✦—✦•
Stage left, enters a woman. She is resplendent in the glittering dress she wore. Each of her steps seems sure of the balance of her feet; graceful and lithe, she walked to the centre of the stage. Finally, she went to a first position, feet square, heels meeting in the middle. With the orchestral music roaring into existence, she went into plié, took steps, danced in dazzling moves that none could name. Her face was kind, even attractive, and definitely not the reason why she was single.
A woman woke up blearily, rubbing her eyes from her colorful dreams. Her name was Darcy Booth, a theatre extraordinaire. Not!
—Excerpt from Darcy Booth's Diary. Extracted from the scratched-out and thrown-away page in the bin.
—✦—
Excerpt from Darcy Booth's Diary, dated 3rd April 1998
When Ally gave me a diary to keep, I thought I would write in third person. Be a bit of a rebel, but clearly, the style didn't suit me. I was a journalist and for the life of me, couldn't handle writing like that. Referring to myself in third person, ick.
So here's my new attempt. My name is Darcy Booth. No, I'm not a theatre actor, nor am I on screen. I went to the University of Sheffield for a bachelor's in Journalism. When I was studying there, the town centre was all the rage and frankly the only place with any pulse in the entire city. One night, I went to a production of A Woman of No Importance and it changed my life. If not for the fact that I was about to graduate or that journalism industry already earned next to nothing, I would have pursued a career in theatre. But two careers with dirt cheap pay wasn't in my realistic vision of the future.
When I got a job at the BBC, it was one of the happiest days of my life. The only thing that beat it was just now when I was selected to do a mini-documentary for BBC One! Sure, I was only to be credited as the interviewer and there was a senior producer who had decades of experience that would decide everything. BUT! But, I was going to be on camera! OH MY GOD.
—✦—
Excerpt from Darcy Booth's Diary, dated 7th May 1998
I have been allowed onto many of the BBC pieces that were being recorded and then broadcast. Thornton has been a lifesaver, and I already have a good idea about the questions I would ask and the process of how these things are usually done. News about Julie Andrews recently broke out — she has lost her voice! I was going to get access behind the scenes because Schofield owes a favour to the BBC or worked here, who knew. Was I terrible person for getting excited about someone else's hardship being my step up? Surely not.
I am excited about what I should wear on screen. It only took four years, but soon I'll be on TV and breaking open such huge news with the subject with me. I asked Robbo about the script, but he had nothing to say. Jay on the other hand, has been an amazing help. Producers have greenlit everything, and tomorrow I'll be starting my climb from junior producer to being in front of the camera.
MUM, I'M ALMOST THERE!!! AS SOON AS I'M LIVE, I'LL BE CALLING YOU!
Excerpt from Darcy Booth's Diary, dated 8th May 1998
Successful people say that dreams come true, but others say that dreams die in due time. When my camera crew and I came to the Oval House (theatre at Oval), I was told by my cameraman that an Executive Producer sent a director to take over from my line manager. We had four people on the camera crew and they had sent over a director. What gives? I had to find out…
—✦—
BBC Post Production Studio – Footage abruptly starts to play.
EXT. OVAL HOUSE THEATRE
DARCY BOOTH STEPS CENTRE FRAME. SHE FIXES HER HAIR WHILE SCHOOL CHILDREN ARE CURIOUSLY STARING AT HER.
DARCY
Do I look fine? I'd rather be presentable for my first appearance.
TOBY
What are you doing in front of the camera?
DARCY
I'm the one interviewing all the cast members.
TOBY
So? You won't be on camera, there's no makeup artists here. What do you think you're doing? Jesus wept, I'm always saddled with you greenhorns.
TOBY APPEARS ON CAMERA, GRABS A CIGARETTE FROM HIS BREAST POCKET, LIGHTS IT UP. HE GIVES IT A LONG DRAG AND BLOWS THE SMOKE IN DARCY'S DIRECTION. SHE STEPS AWAY.
TOBY
There are dozens of reporters we can put in front of the screen, but this is not it. This is a puff piece — Hammersmith pays the BBC and we make a documentary, but it is really an advertisement. So we don't need you there. You're no one, you're not news, and you won't make a blip on the Audience Appreciation Index.
DARCY
But Thornton told me—
TOBY
Thornton? She's no one. I'm the director — either do it how I want or get going. I can get someone else, like that.
TOBY CLICKS HIS FINGERS. DARCY SEEMS TO SHY AWAY FROM TOBY BUT THEN SHE NOTICES THE CAMERA. SHAME WASHES OVER HER; SHE ABRUPTLY WALKS OFF.
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL HOUSE THEATRE REHEARSAL ROOM
DOZENS OF ACTORS ARE PRACTICING DANCE MOVES, QUICK CUTS TO DIRECTOR STEVEN PIMLOTT GIVING FEEDBACK TO A CREW MEMBER. LESLIE IS SEEN GIVING GUIDANCE TO A MUSICIAN.
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL HOUSE PRODUCER OFFICE
LESLIE:
We first had the idea of doing the musical in the late '70s when Roger Moore was doing The Muppet Show and wanted to sing Talk to the Animals. We had lunch with Jim Henson and Frank. Since Roger was singing Doctor Dolittle, Jim asked if I'd ever thought of doing a theatre version. The whole point would be bringing reality to the animals.
STEVEN (O.O.V.):
Obviously, we will all be discovering how the animals work. Some of them are sock puppets, animatronics, or some kind of mixture between the two. Expressions are far better than actors, let me tell you.
STEVEN:
We'll all be out of work shortly. Click of a button — they can have happy, sad, or crying expressions. Best of all, they have no complaints.
CROWD OF CAST LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY.
LESLIE (NARRATION):
When you revisit a project after a long period of time. You get to do things that you couldn't do and didn't think to do.
CUT TO: COMPILATION OF VIDEOS OF ACTORS REHEARSING
CAST MEMBERS ARE DOING A FAKE TABLE READ FOR THE CAMERA. STEVEN READS FROM THE SHEET TO GIVE THE IDEA THAT IT WAS A SERIOUS ACTIVITY.
ENSEMBLE ACTORS ARE SHOWN MOCK-UP DRAWINGS OF THE ANIMALS BEING BUILT IN THE CREATURE SHOP.
PHILLIP SCHOFIELD READS OFF A SCRIPT AND SINGS A TINY PORTION OF A SONG.
INT. BACKSTAGE OF OVAL HOUSE THEATRE
BRIAN HENSON:
Subtitle: President, Jim Henson Company
Leslie Bricusse and Adrian probably came to us a couple of years ago. When Leslie had the idea of putting Dolittle on stage, the big question was how we would do the animals. He was enthusiastic about bringing in the Creature Shop. It was very exciting for us because Creature Shop had only done movies and commercials. For us to get on theatre, it was a true challenge.
CUT TO:
ADRIAN LEGETT:
Subtitle: Executive Producer
Obviously, it was a classic film that I had seen many times. The thought of putting it on stage was exciting prospect to me.
DARCY:
Thank you, are you sure that's all you wanted to say?
ADRIAN LEGETT::
You'd rather not have me say any more — I'm four million dollars short and there's not even a single animal animatronic done yet. Only saving grace is that it's not British pounds we're talking about.
CAMERA OPERATOR:
Sorry, we were still rolling.
TOBY::
Cut!
—✦—
Excerpt from Darcy Booth's Diary, dated 8th May 1998
Not even a minute into my big break, I had the chair pulled out from underneath me. Past-life karma, I assumed (because I couldn't ask his star sign), had made the man as ugly as they came. It didn't help that he had crooked teeth, a scraggly beard, and a beer belly. As if punishing the world for not giving him straight teeth, he hurt me by stealing away my screen time.
More on that later.
—
Oh my god! Filming was great. I've been to so many musicals — Christine from Phantom!!! Still made me go back every month or so. Whenever a new actor comes on, you can find me in the audience. So, I was so eager to see how it all worked backstage.
Let me tell you that it is crazy! I'll have to write a letter to Mum for it. I've been to the BBC newsroom and seen so many talented people there, but that's got nothing on these cast members who can sing, dance, and act. Phillip and Bryan were both TV presenters and they were a million times better than I could ever be. Those tiny kids also had angelic voices — the cheeks on that kid Darien were so pinchable.
Mum, I will marry soon and have kids. I promise, those kids changed my mind!
So, about the more detail… I couldn't accept Toby crashing into my film crew and taking over everything. Thus, I asked Ronnie to do me a favour so I could do a fake interview. It may not show up in the final piece, but I wanted to see myself on screen. Screen test for me! Maybe if the higher-ups see it, they'll give me more chances to be on screen.
I tried to get an interview with Julie Andrews when I first came here, but she was nowhere to be seen. Her voice was gone and she was not going to dance; her recorded voice was going to play through the speakers. Each word sounded like bile coming out of my mouth — the original sin in theatre!
Phillip was my next target, but he was busy with his singing part; he had perspiration all over his face. Bryan was busy and Toby was near where the piano was. The problem was almost the entire cast was there practising a song. Staying far away from Toby's general presence, I hunted for likely interview targets.
The KID with the CHUBBY CHEEKS!
He was sitting down near the exit with two other boys sharing his role.
"Hey, what's your name? You have really cute cheeks," I said with the sweetest smile I could manage.
"…" Silence greeted me.
"Sorry, I'm with the BBC," I said.
"We know." One of the boys giggled.
"What's your friend's name?" I asked the confident kid.
"That's Darien, I'm James. Wilfred's over there." The boy pointed to the last kid.
"Darien, would you want to be on the BBC? I can get a nice interview and you can show it to all the kids."
They were making my dream come true, and as I am writing this diary entry, I just realised I lied to those kids. I hadn't even noticed it — where were my morals?
"Sorry—no, I don't want to…" Darien said, shying away from me.
Oh my god, I was failing at getting a kid in front of a camera. It made me feel like some creep in an ice-cream truck.
"Let him be, he's shy." Wilfred chuckled.
"I can do an interview," James cut in.
"No, I can." Wilfred said.
"Rock, paper, scissors?" James said.
I had to cut in.
"No need to start fighting, lads. I can interview the both of you."
Ronnie was all the way across the hall, I waved to get his attention.
—✦—
Forgotten footage in BBC Post Production Studio's bins.
INT. COSTUME CLOSET BESIDE THE REHEARSAL HALL.
DARCY:
What's your name?
WILFRED:
I'm Wilfred Price but you can call me Tommy Stubbins when I'm on stage.
DARCY:
I've heard that this is your first ever professional production, how is the experience so far?
WILFRED:
Actually, I was on a BBC series called Children of the New Forest, which should premiere around Christmas holidays. But this is indeed my very first theatre production. So far, I'm loving it — like the commercials..
(laughs)
DARCY:
Sorry, what commercials?
WILFRED'S GRIN FALTERS COMPLETELY; HIS MOUTH GAPE OPEN BEFORE CLOSING. TWO HEARTBEATS AND A LAZY SMILE APPEARED ON THE BOY'S FACE AGAIN AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
WILFRED:
Sorry, slip of the tongue. I meant that I loved the entire process. I'm learning a lot from Steven, our director, who has a treasure trove of experience and specific direction for every scenario. Leslie's songs are timeless and balm for the soul. Last but not least is the amazing Julie Andrews, who has been teaching me about acting. Opening my eyes to the realities of the industry.
DARCY:
(Clears throat)
Thank you for the interview; I wish you the best in your new career.
WILFRED:
Thanks for having me.
WILFRED HURRIEDLY WALKS AWAY FROM THE COSTUME CLOSET. DARCY GOES CENTRE FRAME AGAIN.
DARCY:
That kid talks really odd. By the way, thanks Ronnie, I owe you one. How did I do?
RONNIE:
Decent, I'd say. I'll be honest though, you'll get an earful for wasting film — more will scream at you than lining up to watch that interview.
DARCY:
Maybe, but I'm telling you, Ronnie — I'll be presenting a show in time, mark my words.
RONNIE CHORTLES WHILE DARCY CURSES. RONNIE REACHES OVER TO THE CAMERA.
CUT TO: NO SIGNAL STATIC
—✦—
Excerpt from Darcy Booth's Diary, dated 14th May 1998
Thornton told me that I will get a few more days of access when the animatronics are completed. There'll be a bigger focus on Phillip next shoot as well — he refused to do the interview last week because he wasn't confident with his voice.
While I won't be on screen, I have a few tickets that will get me into the preview shows. Mum, I know you won't read this, but I'm sending you a ticket. If you have a good husband prospect for me, you can come with me.