"You's back?" she asked, her tone strong.
"Um... Yeah," Dian replied, nodding at her. He couldn't bear to look directly into her eyes and could only focus on the floor.
As he looked down, he noticed her clenched, trembling fists.
She raised her hand and hit him gently on the head. It wasn't hard, but it still hurt.
"What do you mean by saying... 'it's the end'?" Laura's voice trembled.
"Hey..." She called out.
"Say something," she muttered.
She hit his head again, this time more softly.
"I wouldn't understand if you didn't say anything... Dian..." she muttered softly before crouching down beside his table, sobbing.
...
The first day they met was in the university library.
Both Dian and Laura were not used to being in crowds. They preferred quiet and calm places like the library, where words became their company and they could focus on their own pursuits without being disturbed by the noise of others.
The door to love opened when they accidentally reached for the same book.
Neither of them had ever argued with anyone before, but at that moment, they shouted at each other as they debated whose right it was to that book—Dian's or Laura's.
In the end, neither got the book, as a senior who was observing the library took it and ended their squabble.
Since then, they were like two stray cats fighting over territory; for the first time, they had met someone like themselves, and it turned out to be frustrating, not at all like what they had imagined. They weren't glaring at each other, but whenever they met, there was always something they would argue about. It felt like something wasn't right unless they forced the other to acknowledge their superiority.
Naturally, as time passed, they grew closer.
Unbeknownst to them, feelings began to bloom.
They never got along well. In fact, most of their encounters led to arguments. Yet, that very conflict drew them to one another. They saw each other as something new—a fresh element in their lives that brought color to their world. It felt irritating, but not uncomfortable.
As those feelings grew, being together—despite the trivial matters that arose from time to time—became habitual; it felt normal. It is just right that way.
Their relationship evolved from simply being 'Irritating Guy/Girl A' to 'Acquaintances, despite still being irritating,' then to 'Book Buddies,' and eventually to 'Girlfriend' and 'Boyfriend.'
They knew each other better than they knew themselves because they had once hated each other. They were aware of each other's weaknesses and bad habits. That understanding is what made them perfect for each other; they knew the flaws yet still chose to stay.
Then the incident occurred.
His legs were broken, which left his future looking bleak. Despite the compensation the driver gave him, taking care of his broken legs alone had consumed all his money.
While money was never what sustained their relationship, he began to wonder if he truly deserved her, given how uncertain his future was.
So Dian sent her a message, saying he wanted to end their relationship. He thanked her for everything and wished her well. After that, he locked the door, shut his heart, and waited for the end.
...
At first, that was his plan.
But then, Lucifer's Legacy showed up and completely wrecked everything, making him realize how foolish he truly was.
After all, there was still hope. He had given up too early.
"I'm sorry..."
The only thing he could say to her now was an apology.
She glared at him when she heard his apology, her eyes misty with tears. She clenched her fist and hit his thigh. The punch wasn't strong; it was just her way of expressing her frustration physically.
"You idiot," she reprimanded him, "hadn't I told you before that we would be together forever? You took my heart, so you have to take responsibility too!"
That day, Dian noticed Laura standing outside his apartment, knocking on his door, pleading and grumbling for him to come out and face her. However, he couldn't move his body to face her. He believed he wasn't worthy of her anymore.
He hadn't greeted her before because of the same reason—he thought he didn't deserve her. Guilt consumed him for ignoring her, for hurting her—such complicated emotions swirled inside him that he couldn't bring himself to face her.
"Aren't you... angry?" Dian asked weakly, his face wet with tears, just like Laura's.
He thought she would be mad at him for giving up and leaving her alone, for unilaterally ending their relationship. But that was only his own perception. The reality, as it turned out, was not that frightening.
Laura hit him again.
"Of course I am!" she sniveled, glaring at him.
"Why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you tell me what happened? When I heard a car had crashed in front of the campus and you were among the most seriously injured... Do you know how worried I was?"
Laura wiped her eyes, but her tears wouldn't stop.
A book maniac—this was his first impression when he met her. They yelled at each other like crazy at that moment, not caring what others thought about them.
Both were introverts. They preferred calmness and valued distance while silently admiring interpersonal relationships in their own way.
But that day? That day, they forgot all about that. The only thing that mattered was making the person in front of them understand that they were right.
Initially, that felt refreshing.
Then it became comfortable.
Unknowingly, they had grown so close that they had become obsessed with and cared deeply for each other.
Dian wiped the tears off his face, smiled, and patted Laura's head, which was full of black, silky hair.
"You're right, I am stupid," he admitted.
Laura began to calm down, feeling the warmth of his palm. She leaned her face against his lap, seeming unwilling to let go—at least for now.
Dian now finally realized what had plunged him into despair upon discovering that he could no longer walk like normal people. The reason; it was the overwhelming weight of the hopes and promises he had made and received.
His grandmother. He had promised her he would become a great person she could be proud of. But after his legs were broken, he felt that promise might turn into mere words he had spoken impulsively. This realization, the thought of he would wasted all the efforts his grandmother has done for him, drowned him in shame and guilt.
Then there was Laura, his girlfriend. She was the first person who truly knew him after his grandmother. She was the one who had captured his heart. He wanted to make her proud of him. She had been so kind to love a man like him, and he wanted to make her love him even more.
That's why the reality of his broken legs hit him so hard.
He was afraid.
Afraid that he would disappoint them.
Yes, it was fear—not despair—that made him consider ending his life. Now he understood.
Dian began to gently caress Laura's hair.
"I was afraid you would be disappointed when you found out about my condition. That's why I ended our relationship first. I was so selfish, right? An idiot, just like you said. I was afraid of being hurt, so I hurt you instead..."
Laura didn't say anything, but she also didn't leave. She stayed there, resting on his lap, clutching his pants while silently listening to him.
She didn't go, and she wouldn't.
A loving smile appeared on his face. He bent down and kissed her head.
"I'm sorry. Thank you, and... I love you."
"Could you forgive me for what I said before?" Dian asked.
Laura clutched his pants tighter and then—
"Mhm."
She nodded.