Silence.
There was no excruciating pain, it felt like this was all just a dream and I was finally waking up from it.
No vibrations.
No footsteps. No blood and suffocation
There was an absolute silence and it felt relaxing for the first time, I did not dare to open my eyes because It felt nice to finally have some rest.
My body felt like it was on a soft comfy mattres, I tried to move my body.
I tried to open my eyes. My eyelids felt like stone from seeing those nightmares threatening to never open themselves, but eventually they lifted.
And the moment they did, my legs gave out before I knew.
I dropped to my knees.
Because standing in front of me was my mother.
The sole reason for which I desperately tried to return to my previous world even if it hurted, even when i was closer to dying, the reason I tried so hard was standing in front of me.
Her brown hair was tied in a loose bun she always made when she was cooking.
Her olive coloured sweater.
Even if I was just seeing her back while she hummed her favorite song. I knew the smile her face made while singing that song.
"Mu...."
I tried to call her, But my voice crackled not from the strain because it had disappeared but because it was too much.
Before I could reach her, something blurred past me.
A small figure sprinting straight towards her. An eleven year old boy.
He ran straight through my body like I wasn't even there, he just phased through from my body.
I clenched my teeth, it was getting harder and harder to control my emotions.
Because
That little boy was me.
Oversized clothes, same brown hair like my mother's. A tablet stuck under his arms with stickers all over it.
I was so lost, that I forgot to notice where I was, I was in my home. My home.
Warm lights. Vintage glass shelves with my dad's old wine collection.
The automated kettle steaming on the kitchen counter.
A voice came in from the hall. One that I recognized instantly.
My older sister.
"Lucas~ You're gonna trip if you run like that!"
She walked in wearing her headphone, laughing as she ruffled his hair.
Then she pinched his cheek, the same way she used to do when she wanted to annoy me until I yelled or worse we both got yelled.
"You sure are excited to go to the movies with dad, huh?"
He grinned. "Maybe..."
My mother placed two plates on the table, a cheese sandwich neatly cut into congruent triangles.
"Just let that boy be, Ella," she said with a small, amused sigh.
My sister rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine. Just pamper him will you"
The boy climbed onto the tall chair, swinging his legs. Then he looked up at Mom, eyes wide as he picked the sandwich.
"Mum when will father come back from hospital, you know right we are getting late.
And umm.... is Nana okay?"
My mother's expression softened.
"Yeah, she's okay, lucas. Your nana is strong, you know it."
That lucas nodded, relieved to hear both the news.
And all I could do was stand there breath trembling, heart shaking as I watched the scene unfold like a ghost. The pain was no longer.... it was just a distant memory now. But watching this still hurts.
As lucas reached out for another sandwich.
The phone rang, ringing sharply on the kitchen counter.
That lucas perked up. "Ooh! Looks like dad's calling."
"Go on, sit down. I'll take it honey," she said with a smile.
The moment she stepped away, that version of mine turned towards my sister with that same evil little grin I always used whenever I was planning something wicked.
"Hey, sis," he said sweetly.
She narrowed her eyes. "What now?"
"If you don't stop pinching my cheeks, I'll repeat every single cringe thing you and your boyfriend said when Mom and Dad weren't at home."
Ella froze
Her face went red instantly.
He kept going on.
"And that pathetic talk about love? Geez… seriously, you gotta stop reading those romance novels, mom was right they are rotting your brain."
She sputtered in fury. "Lucas! You wouldn't dare"
"Oh, and you didn't brush right becaus—"
"LUCAS"
Watching the two of them bicker. Her grabbing a cloth and throwing on him was weirdly entertaining.
I walked toward the kitchen slowly, drawn by the sound of my mother's voice.
She had the phone on speaker, propped on the sugar jar while she stirred the coffee, steam rising as she stirred the cup.
Dad's voice crackled from the phone, warm and calm: "Hey, hon. The doctors say Mom's going to be fine."
Mom exhaled, dropping the spoon near the sink with a visible relief.
"That's good news, mister," she said, leaning on the counter with a smile. "And what about the movie?"
"Aah, don't worry," Dad replied. "I've got quite a surprise for him."
Their voices then softened and shifted, into that tone parents use when they forget they're on speaker and have children.
"Ooh! A surprise huh?" Mom teased lowering her voice slightly.
"You know it, a great father I am" Dad chuckled. "And maybe later tonight, you and I could"
"Mhm… only if you promise not to fall asleep like last time" she said, smirking.
Dad groaned dramatically. "Come on, babe, that was one time—"
"And you started snoring," she added.
"Snoring because someone beautiful wore me out."
Mom's cheeks turned pink, and she swatted the air even though he wasn't in the room.
"Oh stop it, you"
I immediately looked upward, the ceiling really looked clean. This was the conversation that I absolutely did not need to know.
"Oh for f—STOP. Stop Please," I muttered.
"I did not need to hear this. Aren't you two embarrased that your grown-ass son is listening to your teenage spirits?"
But of course
no one heard me.
Because I wasn't there.