His feet hurt.
The stone path was cool, at least. A small relief. The sky now looked purple, orange, and bruised as the sun was lowering. It was pretty. One by one, magical lamps were starting to flicker on, humming with a warm, gentle radiance—little balls of magic light. Everyone had magic here. Everyone but him.
His bag was so heavy. It was full of books he'd probably never understand, and it was digging into his shoulder. But the day was heavier. And somehow, he felt… lighter. He didn't get it.
His head was just a mess, by replaying everything. The huge, impossible academy. The ceiling that was a sky. Professor Valerius. His voice. So much power. And that word he said.
Essence.
The word still made his skin tingle. When the professor said it, the mark on his back… it had gotten so warm. Not the bad, itchy kind of warm he got when he was scared or embarrassed. This was different. Good. Like something inside him had woken up for a second and said, 'That. That word.' What did it mean?
And Dain… God, he was so loud. But he had stood up for Kairen. Just stood there like a mountain between him and Kaelan. And Ilya… her eyes. Silver. She was scary smart. She had stood up for him, too. Why? They didn't even know him.
I'd rather be judged for what I can do…
Had he really said that? Out loud? To everyone? When he was thinking about it, his chest felt pain. But… it was a good kind of tight. Not a scared kind of tight. It felt a little like pride.
His street. It was so quiet compared to the academy. He could smell his mother's jasmine flowers from the corner. Home. The word itself felt good. It felt safe.
Before he could reach the front door, it vibrated open. His mother was the one. Still in her work apron, she stood at the door. She was enveloped by warm yellow light that poured out from their tiny house.
"There you are," she said, and her voice was a mix of teasing and just… relief. "I was about to send the neighbors looking for you. Thought maybe a griffin had carried you off."
She did not await his response. He was being pulled into a tight hug by her arms. It was so satisfying. He just kind of… melted into it. All the stuff from today, the fear, the anger, the whispers… it just started to fade a little. She smelled like old books and the herbs she grew in the window box. She smelled like home.
As he mumbled into her shoulder, "I'm all right, Mom,"
"I know," was her response, but she took another pause. She gave up her grip on his arms, but her hands stayed there as she studied him intently, her sharp eyes looking for signs of trouble on his face.
"You appear worn out."
At that moment, his stomach began to itch. It resonated throughout the silent evening.
She laughed. A real, happy laugh. It was the best sound in the world. The worry lines around her eyes softened. "Come on, sit down. A growing hero needs his fuel."
Kairen dropped his heavy luggage beside the door and slid into his usual chair at the little kitchen table, thumping. It was warm here. The entire home felt calm as the pot on the stove began to gently boil. She presented him with a large, hot dish of stew. The smell was tasty. The Carrots, beef, and potatoes. He could devour the food itself since he was so hungry.
She hadn't touched her food. Her plate sat in front of her, across the table. She leaned on her hand, watching him with quiet curiosity. She was curious.
With a million inquiries in her violet eyes, which resembled his, she began, "So. "How did it go?"
He took a large swallow of stew. He didn't care if his tongue got burned by the heat. It tasted good. He chewed slowly, trying to figure out where to even begin. Should he tell her about the whispers? The giant crystal? Kaelan?
"It was… a lot," he finally said. "It's huge, Mom. The main hall… it has stars on the ceiling. Real ones, I think. And so many people."
Her brow furrowed. That little line of worry was back. "And the people? Were they… okay?" Her voice was so quiet when she asked that. Like she was afraid of the answer.
He thought of the whispers. Dud. A disgrace. The words still stung. But then he thought of Dain's big, goofy grin. Of Ilya's calm, steady gaze. The good felt stronger than the bad.
"Some of them are," he said, and it felt like the truth. "I… I think I made a couple of friends."
The expression on her face when he stated that. I was relieved. It felt if the sun had emerged from behind a cloud.
"Already? On your first day? Oh, Kairen, that's wonderful! Who are they?"
A real smile spread across his face. "There's this guy, Dain. He's huge. And loud. And he talks about his grandma all the time. But he's… a good guy. He stood up for me."
"He sounds like a handful," she said, and she was laughing a little.
"A good handful," he said quickly. "And… there's a girl. Ilya."
His mom's eyebrows arched up. "Oh? A girl? What's she like?"
He tore a piece of bread, stalling. How do you describe Ilya? "She's… different. She's really quiet, but not shy. She's scary smart. It's like she sees everything before anyone else does. And her eyes are… they're silver, Mom. Not gray. Pure silver."
His mom's eyes twinkled. "Pretty, then?"
Kairen's face got hot. "Mom! She's just… cool. Okay? Really smart."
"Mm-hm. 'Cool,'" she repeated, hiding her smile behind her spoon. "I'm glad you found people. So, what else happened? Besides the giant boys and the 'cool' girls with silver eyes?"
The easy, happy feeling in the kitchen suddenly disappeared. His spoon felt heavy. "We… we had to go to the Animus Crystal," he said quietly, looking down at his bowl.
Her smile faltered. "That old thing. A ridiculous, showy ritual."
"Yeah," he muttered. "This one kid—Kaelan Brightblade, you remember him from our old neighborhood?—he made it shine like the sun. Then he… he looked at me. He called me out. In front of everybody. He wanted to see what Torren Zephyrwind's son could do."
She clattered the spoon she was holding against her bowl. Where she went to the edge of the table, her knuckles were white. "He did that?" The quietness of her voice was frightening.
Kairen just nodded. He hated that sound in her voice. "Yeah. And I just… I couldn't. I just stood there. I knew if I touched it, nothing would happen. I'd be a failure."
"Oh, Kairen..." Her voice damaged him physically, like a lump of ice in his chest.
In an attempt to remove that look from her face, he rushed to the positive and responded, "But then Ilya stood up for me."
She asserted, "The crystal showed nothing." Dain just stood next to me like a mountain. So I said no. I wasn't the one. I just said no. I advised them that I preferred to be evaluated based on my ability.
She gazed at him with a blank expression on her face. He thought for a second that he had spoken something incorrectly. Then a little smile appeared on her lips, and his eyes burned with its beautiful, flaming pride. With her own tears, she leaned across the table and took his hand. She twitched her fingers.
"You said that?" Her voice was a whisper, thick with emotion. "To all of them? Kairen, that is courage. More courage than that stupid crystal could ever measure. I am so, so proud of you."
The warmth that flooded his chest was better than the stew, better than the sun. It filled up all the empty, frightened corners of his soul. He felt like he was enough for the first time.
She held his hand tightly. "And this Ilya," she teased gently. "Standing up for you? Sounds like she's worth keeping around."
His face was burning again as he shouted. "Mom. Stop."
She laughed, and the tension was gone. "Alright, alright. But… that boy. Kaelan. He didn't bother you again after that? There was no more trouble?"
The warmth in his chest vanished. The kitchen went cold. He saw Kaelan's sneering face in his mind. He heard his voice in the classroom. Did your father's name buy you a spot you didn't earn? He saw Dain stepping forward. He heard Ilya's sharp words. He felt the cold, heavy tension of the whole room.
He looked at his mother. He saw the worry in her eyes. He remembered her face this morning, filled with a fear that scared him more than any nightmares.
If he told her that, that look would come back. That terrified look. She'd worry all night. She wouldn't sleep. She didn't need that. He could handle it. It was just words. He could handle it.
He made a choice.
He forced a smile. It felt fake. It felt like plastic. "No," he said. His voice sounded almost normal. "He was just all talk. He glared at me a bit in class, but then he just walked away. No trouble."
The words tasted like dirt in Karien's mouth. The food in his stomach suddenly felt heavy and cold. The mark on his back started to do that low, anxious heat thing it did. It knew he was lying.
She stared at him. For a long, long time. Her eyes were so sharp. He was sure she knew. She had to know.He felt his heart racing in his throat. Please just believe me. Please.
Then she nodded. Slowly. "Good," she said, and she leaned back in her chair. "I'm glad."
Kairen didn't know if she really was. Or if she was just choosing to be, because it was easier.
He glanced at his bowl below. Now the stew was cold. He was unable to taste it. He was attempting to keep her safe. Yet as he forced himself to take another mouthful, it seemed to him that he had just created a barrier between them. The true man was hidden from her since she was on one side and he was on the other.