I don't cry.
At least, that's what I've always told myself. Crying felt like weakness. Like giving people proof they could break me.But that night? Sitting in Daniel's room, half-undressed, mascara smudged, chest burning like I'd been ripped in half? Yeah, I cried. And not the pretty, soft kind either. The messy, gut-punching kind.The words I threw at him-"after you use me"...kept looping in my head like a broken TikTok sound. And every time, I hated myself more. Because I didn't mean it. Not like that. He wasn't some random guy using me. He was… him. And I provoked him with the one thing I knew would sting the hardest.And it worked.
He'd looked at me like I stabbed him. Then he just snapped, left the room, left me with my tears and my own stupid pride.I curled up on his bed, whispering into the dark like he could hear me: I didn't mean it, Daniel. I swear I didn't.
But the silence was louder than anything
~The Days After~
We didn't talk. Not a word. Not a "hey," not a "morning," not even a nod when we passed in the hallway.But silence doesn't mean nothing's happening. If anything, silence was worse.Because I could feel him watching me. At breakfast, I'd catch him glancing when he thought I wasn't looking. At dinner, his jaw clenched every time I laughed too loudly at my phone. When Lila dragged me out shopping, he'd hover in the background, way too protective for a guy who apparently wanted me gone.And me? I was no better. I'd watch him work late in his office, light from his laptop washing over that tired, perfect face. I'd hover outside his door sometimes, hand raised like I might knock, before chickening out and running to my room.
Every second of silence between us felt like static.
Lila didn't notice..thank god. She was too busy living her best life, planning trips, binge..watching shows. But me and Daniel? We were stuck in some cold war no one else could see.
And the guilt… yeah, it ate me alive.
I couldn't stop thinking about how I made him feel like some creep, like some user. He wasn't. He was just… broken. And so was I.But his guilt? I could see it too. The way he avoided my eyes. The way he gripped his glass a little too hard at dinner. The way his sighs sounded heavier than usual, like he hated himself for snapping at me instead of just… holding me.
We were both guilty.
Both angry.
Both hurting.
And neither of us knew how to fix it.
Days slipped by.
I don't even remember when it started, this quiet disappearing act. Between lectures, assignments, coffee runs, friend texts, and deadlines, my brain was a constant jumble.And Daniel? He was just… there. Present in ways I didn't notice before, like a soul, and suddenly, when I wasn't, he felt it.
I barely had time to think about him anymore. Morning alarms, project deadlines, group calls, gym schedules, social media updates, they filled my head until the edges of him blurred. But I knew he noticed.
Lila went back to college last week. Packed bags, long drives, early classes. The house got quieter. Too quiet. And in that silence, I realized… maybe it was time I left too.
I started spending nights at my apartment, bringing just the essentials, pretending the distance was for studies. I avoided lingering glances in the kitchen, avoided passing by his office, avoided moments that might pull me back into the storm we'd caused.Daniel noticed.
Of course he noticed.
The way he lingered at breakfast, scanning the living room as if expecting me to materialize out of thin air. The subtle sighs when the living room felt empty. And god, those moments when he thought I wasn't watching....those were the hardest!!!
He was middle-aged, confident, controlled… but the absence of me made him restless, nervous, like a storm waiting to break. And I didn't blame him. I felt the pull too. But life,my life....was calling.
Packing my last box, I felt my chest tighten. Leaving was supposed to be practical.
Adult. Necessary
But the knot in my stomach told the truth: leaving Daniel felt like stepping out of that soul from the body I didn't want to escape.The car ride home was quiet. Too quiet. My playlist muted. My hands gripping the wheel tighter than needed. Every thought somehow twisted back to him, his look when I'd teased him, the weight of his hands on me, the way he made me feel simultaneously reckless and safe.By the time I pulled into my apartment complex, reality hit me: I was leaving more than a room. I was leaving him.And back at the house, Daniel was… alone. Lila gone. Maya gone. The silence now wasn't just waiting,it was sharp. Piercing. And I knew he felt it just like I did.No glances across the kitchen table. No teasing remarks. No dangerous moments where he'd catch me staring. Just the cold hum of a home that suddenly felt too big. Too quiet.And for the first time in a long time, I realized how much we had meant to each other, by want, by passion, by need, by peace, by love!!!