The next morning, I woke up with one thought.
"Today, I'll make the whole village stronger."
Bad idea.
---
First, I built a "training course" in the middle of the town square.
Ropes, barrels, buckets of water, even a wooden cart I balanced on a roof beam.
"WELCOME TO THE OLYMPUS VILLAGE TRAINING HELL!" I shouted proudly.
The villagers looked horrified.
Narsh groaned. "Ark… this looks like a death trap."
I grinned. "Death is just weakness leaving the body!"
Malrik pinched the bridge of his nose. "This will not end well."
---
The first victim—I mean participant—was a farmer's son.
He climbed the rope, tripped, and crashed straight into the water bucket.
The villagers screamed.
I cheered. "Excellent form! That's one way to train your lungs!"
Narsh hollered, "HE NEARLY DROWNED, YOU F*CKING MEATHEAD!"
---
Then came the chickens.
I thought, "Hey, chasing chickens is great cardio!"
So I released twenty of them into the square.
What followed was chaos.
Children screaming.
Villagers slipping in chicken sh*t.
Me shouting, "CATCH YOUR GAINS, LITTLE WARRIORS!"
Narsh cackled while swearing at the birds.
Malrik stood frozen, muttering, "This… this is not my life. This is a divine prank."
---
The disaster peaked when I tried to "demonstrate" by juggling the chickens.
One pecked me in the face.
I flinched.
All twenty chickens went flying.
They landed in the mayor's vegetable cart, flattening it completely.
The mayor fainted on the spot.
---
By sundown, the square was wrecked.
Villagers sat in silence, covered in feathers and mud.
I stood proudly, hands on my hips.
"See? What doesn't kill you… makes you stronger!"
Narsh picked up a turnip and hurled it at my head.
"WHAT IT MADE WAS A F*CKING MESS!"
Malrik sighed, shoulders slumped.
"…We're leaving. Tonight."
---
And so, we were chased out of yet another village.
But hey—at least everyone got their daily exercise.
---
[Author's Note: Ark's chaos streak in villages = 2/2. Success rate = 0%. Malrik's blood pressure = lethal.]