Just in case, Paulina and Jiro made sure to hide every desk at the Adventurer's Guild in the storage room to keep the story safe. At this point, sitting at a desk might be a bigger villain of his epic story than the Demon Lord ever could have been.
It was finally time to follow the inescapable fantasy cliché of embarking on an otherworldly quest to slay some monsters, gain XP and earn some god damn money.
He could feel the nerves in the tips of his toes. Logic was telling him that his strength should be enough to annihilate a whole army, so some goblins should not be a problem. But having zero combat experience filled him with doubt.
As Jiro began to leave the guild to quickly travel into the nearby forest and defeat a few goblins, he stopped in the doorframe and looked back. His eyes met the receptionist who had helped him, and more importantly, listened to his story.
"Thanks, Paulina, for everything. Seriously."
Receptionist's pale cheeks radiated with a rosy blush as she responded: "It was my pleasure, Mr Jiro. And may the goddess bless your travels!"
Jiro's eyes widened in surprise. Since he grew up in a family full of agnostics, neither his parents nor his little sister nor his older brother has ever wished him any deity's blessing. It made him strangely happy. Unexpectedly, he let out a hearty laugh.
"Thanks! But I wouldn't count on that old hag to keep my toilet clean, let alone keep me safe" and waved goodbye.
*CLANG*
In that very moment, a sword landed on the floor with a loud metallic sound. Before Jiro could react, he could already hear loud armoured footsteps coming towards him, and in a matter of seconds, he was being held up by his collar, a few inches above the ground.
"How DARE you speak about the Goddess like that?!" yelled a young man in Jiro's face. He was tall, blonde, with shining blue eyes. His gaze was filled with blind rage and self-righteousness that could only belong to a true believer.
His armour was covered entirely in shimmering gold with small religious details along the neck. On his muscular chest, engraved into a metal plate, a Superman-style 'G' that obviously stood for a 'Goddess'. He could never put 'M' for 'Minerva' as this was her name, and he believed using the deity's name in such vain was considered a categorical sin.
In conclusion, that man was a freak.
"I will not stand for such BLASPHEMY", said the young man with such anger that a little bit of spit hit Jiro's forehead. He even started accumulating that weird, angry, old-man white stuff on the corner of his lip.
Jiro tried his best to care about this man's anger. Tried to justify it. Understand it. But after everything that had happened to him today, in his divine foreknowledge, he employed his astral body to explore the multiverse for answers, but even then, he couldn't find a single f*** to give.
Our hero reluctantly stared at the furious young man, unimpressed and bored, as if he completely expected such a development today.
Gentle taps of Paulina's shoes rushed towards the scene. Her petite hands were holding the armoured man's forearm as if trying to drag him away, but her little form ended up hanging down from his wrist. Her little legs dangling an inch above the ground.
"Mr Arthur! Please! The guild is not a place for such conduct"
"I don't care! He insulted the Goddess! He shall face divine punishment by the hand of this paladin"
(Seriously? Mr Narrator. Does every Paladin have to be such a duche?)
Actually, yes. It's a multiversal constant. Kind of like in every universe, there's a law of gravity, you need oxygen to breathe, and Jungook is a hottie. Some things can't change, or it will destroy the atomic balance of the whole dimension, and paladings being assholes are one of those things.
(Emmm… Did you sneak BTS into the explanation of the multi-)
Shush.
Arthur pushed Jiro down on the ground. A slick white glove quickly followed.
"Duel me, you pagan!"
To this very day, it remains a mystery where he hid this white duelling glove, as he was completely covered in golden armour. Was it summoned? Was white glove an industry plant all along? Does he know some sleight-of-hand tricks? If so, then does he know what my card is? Where do babies come from? Nobody knows. Eternal mystery.
"Duel you? Over insulting some weird god? Relax, man" said Jiro as he slowly picked himself up from the ground, throwing the white glove back.
"Mr Jiro…." Paulina timidly tugged his sleeve "Unfortunately, if a member of the Adventurer's Guild requests a duel, it must be conducted; otherwise, his guild membership gets permanently revoked"
"Hold on, what? Nobody ever told me about it!"
"That's because YOU decided to skip my explanation!" exclaimed Paulina, still holding her 5-page handwritten introduction to adventuring, pouting.
"Oh…. Sorry," Jiro bowed slightly "But still! There's no way I will accept some stupid duel"
"But Mr Jiro. If you're expelled from the guild, then... what about unemployment benefits?"
.
.
.
.
.
"AAAAAAND IN THE RED CORNER", roared the announcer at the guild's duelling arena ", we have our undisputed champion. The God's Servant, B-Rank Palladin, The Sword of Justice, Gospel of the East, The Rising Star of Rosalia. The one and only... ARTHUR BLUMENSTEIN!!!"
The whole arena erupted in cheers. People screaming "Go get him, Arthur," as panties started flying from the stands. Interestingly, from the male barbarian section.
It was clear to see that the paladin was the favourite in the onlookers' eyes.
The announcer tapped on his magical microphone.
"And in the blue corner. The Newcomer, The Pagan, The Not-even-F-rank-adventurer…. JAY!!!"
Not a single soul cheered. Only the faint sound of Paulina clapping enthusiastically filled the complete silence. You could hear a baby crying from two blocks away. The silence was so overwhelming that in the future, as Jiro would be giving an interview for a documentary about his adventuring career, he would recall that moment as: "and I took that personally".
"By the power given me by the guild, I acknowledge this duel. BEGIN!"
Thunder of screams and squels soared through the arena as the fans expressed their hunger for bloody entertainment. They had their favourite champion, but they knew nothing about his opponent. Nervousness mixed with excitement gave them an exhilarated feeling of anticipation. Who would win this battle? One thing could be said for certain: they would witness a gritty and passionate duel.
Arthur unsheathed his weapon – a grand longsword with the church's insignia on its handle. He held his hand high into the sky as if to ask his Goddess for the blessing.
"Listen, young man!" Arthur roared to Jiro before the battle, "You probably don't even know why what you said was so offensive to a paladin such as me"
"I actually don't care"
"Let me explain it to you"
"Please don't"
"Our Goddess is the one who gave our people the strength to live. Who created our lands as we know them? The goddess is actually who allows us to laugh, to cry, to smile, to love."
"I don't care"
"Her heavenly mercy knows no boundary, which is why we, the mortal servants of the all-mighty, burden ourselves with the mission to eradicate all evil"
"The only burden is your yapping"
"Thus, the paladins travel across all realms of the earthly steps to serve justice on the mortals in the name of our beliefs. To damn the sins of the non-believers"
"Has the duel started?"
"And you, young man, committed the greatest sin of all. Blasphemy. Insulting the most loving Goddess there is"
"Can I punch him?"
Arthur raised his sword in the sky. An incredible amount of golden mana started surrounding him, creating a small tornado around him.
"By the power of the all-forgiving, I shall become the executioner for this damn soul. The punishment is death! Prepare to duel me, and just so you know. I will never surrender, so be prepared for a long and gruelling battle. By the power of the goddess! I condemn you!"
*Whack*
While Arthur was talking, Jiro slowly walked towards him and slapped him with the back of his hand, sending him flying across the arena, creating an Arthur-shaped hole in the wall. Actually, there were Arthur-shaped holes in the walls of twenty consecutive buildings.
The sound of the slap had such an impact that it sent a devastating shockwave throughout the arena, splitting the roof in two. As the fans looked up, they noticed that Jiro had created a rift not only in the ceiling, but also in the clouds, hundreds, if not thousands, of meters above ground.
(Holy crap. That was pretty nice, right, Mr Narrator?)
.
(Mr Narrator?)
Screw you…
(Excuse me?)
SCREW YOU, JIRO!
(Whoa. What got you so heated?)
Do you hate me? DO YOU?!?!?!
(Ok, ok, chill. What did I do?)
I had four chapters ready. FOUR! Full of epic battle, incredible introspection, family flashbacks, and the best wordplay you've ever seen. It would introduce the concept of mana spending, holy energy, divine revelations, and so much more. The reader would love it. And you? YOU ENDED IT IN ONE SHOT!
(Oh snap… I'm sorry, but… didn't you kinda make me this way?)
Oh, don't blame me! I had nothing to do with it! Urgh! So much work wasted…
(I'm sorry! I promise to make the next duel more exciting! I swear!)
Sigh….
.
.
.
Jiro turned around and ran into the forest to complete his quest.
(Wait, that's how you're going to end it?)
Yeah, because SOMEONE messed up my plans! And now I have to rush the next part!
Jiro turned around and ran into the forest to complete his quest. What waited for him in the forest was something he could never imagine in his wildest dreams. I'll figure something out.
(I'm scared)