I woke up with the feeling that my life was turning into a bad joke. The 30-coin debt to Torin weighed on me, and Melina's song about "the tavern strippers" was already echoing on every corner of Vaelor. I needed a mission that paid well and maybe cleared our reputation as "perverts." Besides, I have to admit I still thought about my goal of having a normal love life. Liriel, Elara, and Vespera were a disaster, but sometimes a glance or a gesture from them left me confused. They were chaotic, but they had a strange charm. I shook my head to push the thought away and went to the guild.
On the quest board, I found one that looked promising: "Clear a goblin dungeon on the outskirts of Vaelor. Reward: 80 silver coins." Perfect. Goblins didn't seem that tough, and the money could pay off the debt. I went back to the inn and dragged the group along. Liriel grumbled that goblins were "unworthy of a goddess." Elara promised not to faint. "I'll just use simple spells, I swear," she said, holding her staff. Vespera, adjusting her bow, smiled. "Dungeons are exciting. Can't wait to feel the chaos!" I tried to be firm: "No crazy magic, no stray arrows, no succubus charms. Just kill the goblins and grab the loot." They looked at me like I had just asked for the moon.
The dungeon was a damp cave, moss clinging to the walls and the smell of wet earth filling the air. At the entrance, we ran into Garth, a veteran adventurer with a full beard and an easy laugh. He was the type who loved to provoke.
"The tavern strippers in a dungeon? Careful not to strip the goblins too!" he said, laughing.
My face burned. He had already scouted the place and warned us about traps and tricky goblins. "Saw some strange signs around, maybe something tied to the Demon King's general," he added, but quickly changed the subject, pointing at the cave. "Good luck, exhibitionists." I ignored the jab, but noticed Liriel, Elara, and Vespera acting weird, like they were trying to get my attention. Elara fixed her hair, Vespera winked more than usual, and Liriel posed with her wine cup. It was confusing.
Inside the dungeon, chaos hit fast. The goblins were small but quick, setting ambushes in the dark tunnels. Elara tried a light spell. "Just to illuminate!" she said. The glow lasted five seconds before she collapsed to her knees, gasping. "Mana... gone." We stumbled in the dark, tripping over rocks.
Vespera, excited, used her succubus charm. "Come to me, goblins, come!" Dozens of them showed up, and she shot arrows that hit everything—except the goblins. One arrow triggered a trap, and a sticky net fell over us. "Yes, bind me tighter!" Vespera laughed, as if enjoying herself. I tried cutting the net with my borrowed sword but only got myself more stuck.
"Liriel, do something!" I yelled. She raised her hands. "Divine purification magic!" The net turned into a glowing slime that clung to everyone. Trying to help Elara up, I ended up stuck to her, her face close to mine.
"You... you're stronger than you look," she murmured before fainting again. My heart raced, but a goblin nailed me with a rock, killing the moment. Vespera, still trapped, fell on top of me while trying to attack another goblin. "Oops, how fun!" she said, smiling in a way that made me blush. Liriel huffed. "Mortals and their silly crushes." But I noticed she looked at me a second too long, almost like she was jealous.
The worst came when we triggered another trap. A jet of muddy water drenched us, and Liriel, trying to "fix it," cast a spell that made our clothes stick and turn semi-transparent—again.
"Why does it always have to be this?!" I shouted, trying to cover myself. Elara, waking up, covered her face. Vespera laughed, as if humiliation were a gift. The goblins, spooked by the glowing magic, ran away, but Garth, who had been following at a distance, saw everything.
"This one's going straight to the taverns of Vaelor!" he shouted, laughing loudly.
We managed to kill a few goblins and collect items, but the dungeon was damaged by another trap Vespera had triggered with a crooked arrow. At the guild, we received 60 coins, less than expected because of the damages. We still owed Torin.
Exhausted, I sat in the inn while Elara and Vespera argued about who had "saved" the group more.
"I lit the path!" said Elara.
"And I lured the goblins!" retorted Vespera.
Liriel, sipping her wine, rolled her eyes. "You two are useless. I did everything."
When Elara and Vespera went out to grab food, I pulled Liriel aside, keeping my voice low. "If you're a goddess, then who's in your place up there now that you're here?"
She looked at me, surprised, then shrugged. "Probably my assistant, Celine. She's competent, but kind of boring. She's probably managing the throne until I come back." Before I could ask more, she took a sip of wine and changed the subject. "Why do you want to know? Planning to send me back?" She smiled, but there was something in her eyes that left me confused—like she actually enjoyed being here, despite all her complaints.
Garth showed up at the inn, saying Melina's song now had a new verse about "the dungeon strippers." He also mentioned the Demon King's general signs were getting stronger, with villages reporting attacks.
"The guild will investigate," he said before leaving.
I stared at my empty glass. The mission was a fiasco, the debt remained, and those moments with Elara, Vespera, and even Liriel messed with me. But with this reputation and these disasters, how was I supposed to live a normal life? And what was this talk about the Demon King's general? All I knew was, with those three around, my life was far from improving.