Dear webnovel readers,
I FINISHED TAOHUA. AFTER FIVE YEARS. FIVE. WHOLE. YEARS.
Do you know how long five years is? That's enough time for someone to meet, date, marry, have two kids, get divorced, and go through three different hair colors. I could have gotten a whole PhD. Instead, I wrote this.
I have lived. I have suffered. I have rewritten, rewritten again, and considered throwing my phone into the ocean. But after all the blood, sweat, and tears… IT. IS. DONE.
And you know what? I REGRET NOTHING.
How Did We Get Here? An Author's Descent into Madness
Once upon a time, Ephemeral bonds was a Nigerian novel. Then, somehow, it turned into a Korean novel. Then, EVEN MORE MYSTERIOUSLY, it transformed into a Chinese Danmei reincarnation saga.
How did this happen? I don't know. I blacked out, and when I woke up, I had written 1000 pages of angst, fate, and sexy red-flag men. If I had to blame something, it would be Chinese josei romance novels. Those things will ruin your life.
Originally, the plot was simple. It was about a woman falling in love with a Huli Jing who was still obsessed with his dead wife. A tragic, dramatic love story, right? BUT THEN—
✨ Reincarnation happened.
✨ Star-crossed lovers happened.
✨ Gods, fate, and "I'm suffering, but I look hot while doing it" nonsense happened.
Character Breakdown: My Fictional Children Who Ignored Me
My writing of each character was inspired by the various media I engaged with.
Bei Shang.
Bei Shang falls into that classic hero archetype: "I don't wanna be here, but fate won't leave me alone." He's like those cartoon protagonists who keep getting dragged into world-ending events when all they wanted was a quiet life.
His whole existence asks one question:
"If your past life was a dumbass, does that mean you have to fix their mistakes?"
This was very obvious in the fight scene of chapter 20 ; He was helpless as a Huli Jing held him saying he owes him but who really did ? Isn't it it ' Taohua ' ?
Imagine getting arrested for a crime your great-great-grandfather committed. That's Bei Shang's life.
Now, about his gender. I know I didn't focus much on dysphoria or transphobia, but that's because I wanted to write a character who just happens to be transgender—where his identity is just part of him, not a central struggle. That's a narrative better told by transgender and nonbinary writers who can speak from experience.
Also , Taohua is a man thoroughly ; but he have some fluidity in him. A friend of mine ( She's a transgender woman, sassy gal) , told me that despite identifying as a woman; she sometimes feel fluid in her gender. There are some masculine interests and feelings which she still thinks as part of her , as well as the feminine interests which is part of her and she's still learning.
That's why you will see Taohua display some feminity and is fluid in his gender presentation; his hair was long and brushed regularly, he wore bright colored clothes and isn't adverse to female clothings. Feminity to him was natural , this might also come from his peach blossom nature as trees don't have a rigid sex.
Bei Shang was written to be a bit more rigid in gender expression but he doesn't mind feminine clothings and earrings; he doesn't even mind the pronouns; his center of dysphoria
comes from his hair.
That's why Chapter 32 is such a BIG moment—Nick, the toxic bastard that he is, affirms Bei Shang's identity in the simplest way possible:
1. In one life, he carefully combs his long hair.
2. In another, he cuts it for him.
That's love, your honor.
Nick
Nick was the hardest to write because I needed readers to understand:
✅ He is toxic.
✅ He is obsessive.
✅ He is romantic, but in a concerning way.
✅ And somehow, it's still hot.
Originally, he was a strong, reliable, fatherly figure. But then I read yandere Danmei novels, and my brain went, "What if we made him worse?"
And I did. I made him worse.
Blame it on yandere Danmei novels.
I based a lot of his red flags on Binghe from Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. The difference? Binghe is manipulative on purpose. Nick? He's just Like That.
Now, for the funniest moment in this whole writing process:
I was telling a friend about my novel, and she stopped me mid-explanation.
Friend: "Is this a BL?"
Me: pauses "I don't know. I just wanted to write a novel."
Friend: "Your Nick character is very gay. He's been in love with the same man for a hundred lifetimes. That's some Lan Wangji-level devotion."
Me: "But he had a child with a woman—"
Friend: "A woman who looked exactly like his past male lover. Also, didn't you say Nick's dad was gay and ruined a woman's life out of confusion?"
Me: "..."
Cue existential crisis.
I spiraled for a while, trying to figure out Nick's sexuality. Eventually, I went to another friend:
Me: "I don't know which sexuality to assign my male lead."
Friend: "Does it matter?"
Me: "YES. HOW WILL I WRITE HIS SMUT SCENES?!"
Friend: deadpan "….You're weird. Just make him pansexual."
Me: "He's attracted to pans?"
Friend: long, suffering sigh "Go google it."
And that's how I realized Nick is pansexual.
Also, fun fact: most of the cast is fruity. I made it obvious. If you missed it, read again.
Mitch
Mitch is my baby boy , I birthed him from my imagination and loved him with all my heart. I was planning to make him a miniature Nick , however he somehow managed to be his own person.
Also? He was originally a girl. But somewhere in the process, he just… became a boy. Should we call it an imaginary gender transition? A literary sex change?
Hahaha *slaps self.*
Mitch was unpredictable, a wild card. Everytime I was writing him , I would think one way only to write another thing entirely, I wasn't even planning a love story for him , everytime I wrote a scene with him , he will somehow mention Iran , his words about Iran , I could swear that my fingers just mechanically moved on it's own , that scene (chapter 61) he banged the gate and transformed out of the grief of separating from Iran? It was his spirit!
Me: "Mitch, focus."
Mitch: "Anyway, let me tell you about this girl I love—"
Me: "No."
Mitch: "Her name is Iran—"
Me: "STOP."
Mitch: *cries, transforms, bangs on a gate in grief* I WILL STAGE A COUP IF YOU DON'T LET ME BE WITH IRAN !!!
Me : …..
I just gave up. He was in love, and I was just along for the ride.
You could see signs of miniature Nick in him , however all Huli Jing are inherently possessive and you would even notice this in Kate *cough* the 'civilized' *cough cough cough!* queen of the Huli Jing clan.
He did things his own way and certainly influenced the plot to a degree.
The side stories are the ones that will deliver on the baihe tag which I apologize for.
Side Stories.
The Side stories you will be expecting are as follows.
Side story 1 : Reunion in the mortal realm. (What the fox says)
Side story 2: Yao ji and A yuan love story. ( What the tiger Says )
Side story 3 : Sliver and Bai zan love story ( What the Wolf says)
Side story 4 : Kate and Broody story ( What the Queen says)
Side story 5 : Donia and daesos story. ( What the Tribe leader says)
Side story 6 : Mitch and Iran story (What the general says )
Side story 7 : Summer and Winter (What the king says)
Side story 8: Phenoix prince love story.( what the prince says)
Side story 9 : Fuxin and Guayin love story ( What the God says)
Side story 10 : Bei Shang and Nick ( What the heavens say)
Side story 11: Shu hua perspective. ( what the Goddess says)
Side story 12 : Bei Shang and Nick ( What the fox says 2)
Side story 13 : Bei Shang and Nick ( Love says all )
The love story won't follow this outline and it might come out depending on the ones I managed to finish first. But I am going to try my best in writing this side stories I hope you will be paitent with me.
Also guess the lesbians hahaha!
Themes:
There are many themes I wanted to potray in Ephemeral bonds but at it core it's about sacrifice.
What will you give up to become a god?
Can you change fate, or does fate change you?
Can you fight the will of a god?
Dramatic? Yes. But that's what happens when you rewrite the same novel fifty times out of spite.
Also I wanted to express the theme of a difficult love. Nowadays, I'm noticing a shift towards healthy love portrayed in dramas and books , I don't want that , I want drama! Bring in the toxicity!
So hence whatever was going on between Nick and Bei Shang, clue in the applause.
Originally, this story was about whether a demon can love twice. But then I got stuck, so I threw everything into a fire, summoned the gods of plot twists and emotional suffering, and rewrote the entire thing into something much more unhinged.
And honestly? No regrets.
Also a big shout out to my editor, Nero , My favorite honey thank you for the encouragement and grammar checks , If not for her , honestly this book wouldn't even been on webnovel baa , it will probably be in the recesses of the attic, hoping to be discovered by some alien hahaha.
Thinking about it now, that's dark.
Final Thoughts
Five years. FIVE. WHOLE. YEARS.
In that time, I experienced:
✔ Multiple rewrites
✔ At least three sexuality crises
✔ A side character hijacking his own love story
✔ My protagonist suffering because his past life was dumb
✔ A full mental breakdown over whether this was a BL
Would I do it a
gain?
...
Let me recover first.
Your Struggling Webnovel writer , asking for affection and likes and comments. Little Sunshine 💕💕💕