Chapter 16: The Homecoming – Explaining Hela to the Home Security Team.
[BIFROST CHAMBER – SECONDS LATER]
The Bifrost journey, even with Dark Elf guidance, was never gentle. We landed with a thud in the chamber, the air snapping with rainbow light and displaced energy.
Hela stood tall and still, the dark energy clinging to her like a second shadow. She was a devastating figure of power, and she was furious about the journey.
"The Bifrost is crude," she pronounced, looking at the glowing machinery with utter disdain. "And those little black rats you used for transport were utterly unprofessional."
"It's about efficiency, not comfort, Hela," I said, rubbing the lingering cold from my arms. "Welcome back to Asgard. Now, remember the Pact: low profile."
"Low profile is for mice, step-mother," Hela countered, her gaze already fixed on the exit leading to the city.
Loki quickly stepped in, placing a protective hand on my shoulder. "Sister, if you announce your return with a massacre, you ruin the entire premise. Think long-term conquest. Think: strategic patience."
Before Hela could respond, a thunderous voice boomed down the hall.
"Mother! Loki! Are the invisible space-worms dealt with?"
Thor stormed into the chamber, Mjolnir in hand, his face bright with battle-ready adrenaline. He stopped dead.
Thor's eyes, wide with shock, landed first on the tall, dark-armored woman beside me. Then, they darted to her new, shimmering chain-link accessory.
"Who… is this?" Thor asked, his voice cracking with confusion.
Hela smirked, clearly enjoying the moment of pure, devastating dread on her little brother's face. "Hello, brother dear. Did you miss me?"
I quickly jumped between them, hands raised. "Thor! Excellent timing! This is… Consultant Hela."
Thor blinked. "Hela?"
"Yes," I rushed on, projecting frantic energy. "She's a Master Home Security Consultant we acquired from a particularly aggressive dimension. She specializes in invisible threats and structural stability."
Loki, ever the quick improviser, bowed deeply to Hela. "Indeed, Brother. Consultant Hela is here to help with the Space-Worm situation. Her methods are… direct. And her fees are exorbitant."
Thor's brow furrowed, trying to reconcile the Goddess of Death with 'Consultant Helga.' "She looks… quite deadly for a consultant."
"She has to," I explained, pushing Hela slightly toward the exit. "She deals with cosmic infestation. She's going to conduct a deep security audit of the palace starting immediately. This includes the vault, the armory, and the perimeter defenses. It's confidential."
Hela caught on instantly. She looked at Thor with disdain. "Yes. Confidential. Your security is appalling, little brother. I detect at least three major structural weaknesses that need immediate, violent correction."
Thor's eyes widened with a strange mix of fear and professional indignation. "Weaknesses? I assure you, the Asgardian defenses are—"
"Quiet, Thor," Loki hissed, tugging him away. "The Consultant is assessing. We must not interrupt the Home Security Protocol. Come, Brother, let us return to the perimeter. I believe I saw a particularly aggressive cloud that needs wrestling."
Loki dragged the bewildered Thor back toward the city, leaving Hela and me alone.
"Consultant Helga," Hela scoffed. "I will tolerate the aesthetic leash for now, but if you introduce me to any more of your charming family members, the leash is coming off."
"Understood," I said, leading her toward the main halls. "Now, Consultant Helga, let's start the security audit. Tell me everything you know about the weakness of the throne room's support beams. We need to secure the palace before Thanos arrives."
The Unseen Audit
For the next two days, the palace was a vortex of organized absurdity. While Thor and the Einherjar were outside searching for the non-existent space-worm, Consultant Helga—the Goddess of Death—was systematically touring the interior.
Odin, now fully briefed and nervously cooperating, led the tour.
"And here is the Vault," Odin murmured to Hela, his hand trembling slightly as he gestured to the vast treasury. "It is sealed with runes that—"
"Are based on archaic binding principles," Hela finished, walking past him. "A skilled necromancer could rip this door off its hinges with a strong sneeze."
She surveyed the relics, her eyes burning with familiar longing. "You waste power on these trinkets, Father. Where is my sword? Gungnir is a toy compared to it."
"It's… archived," Odin replied stiffly.
I quickly intervened, pulling out my enchanted notepad. "Consultant Hela, focusing on the future! Thanos. Tell us about the Stones. Your knowledge of cosmic power is superior to ours."
Hela paused, the lure of the greater game always catching her. "The Stones are simple power, but the Mind Stone is a weapon of psychic warfare," she explained, running a hand over the fake Infinity Gauntlet. "And the Reality Stone is highly volatile. If you plan to fight Thanos, you must neutralize those first."
She looked at me, a flicker of grudging respect in her eyes. "Your deception is intricate, step-mother. But your game is too slow. We must find the remaining Stones now."
"Agreed," I said. "Which brings us to Phase Four: The Hunt. I know where the next Stone is, and we need to move before Thanos does."
Target: The Aether
Later that evening, in the solitude of the library, I pulled up the star chart. Loki and Odin watched as Hela stood, silent and intense, in the corner.
"Thor and Loki already dealt with the first Stone, the Reality Stone, in the movie," I explained, pointing to a secluded spot on the map. "But because we scared the Dark Elves away early, they never got it. It was hidden with Jane Foster on Earth."
"A mortal woman holds a Stone?" Hela scoffed. "Pathetic."
"It's volatile, Hela," I warned. "It's the Aether—a flowing liquid mass. And it's still down there on Midgard. We need to go now, retrieve the Aether, and extract Jane Foster before she gets hurt."
I looked at my complicated, now complete, team: The All-Father, the Trickster, the Goddess of Death, and the God of Thunder (who was still wrestling a cloud).
"Loki, you are the most adept at blending in on Midgard," I instructed. "You and Consultant Helga are going on a little diplomatic mission to Earth. Thor will remain here to manage the 'space-worm' crisis and the palace security. Odin, you will open the Bifrost to Earth for them, but only for a brief window."
Loki raised his eyebrows at the pairing. "My murderous sister and I, on a diplomatic mission to Earth? What is the cover this time, Mother? Extreme Home Staging for the Midgardian Royalty?"
"No," I replied, folding my arms and smiling. "This time, the cover is simple, elegant, and entirely believable."
"And that would be?" Hela demanded, her voice dripping with impatience.
"Therapy," I said simply. "You two are going to Earth for mandatory family counseling and a shared spa day."
Loki dissolved into silent, shaking laughter. Hela merely stared, the concept too ridiculous for even her dark mind to process.
To Be Continued...