Chapter 36: Justice by Another Name
Bang! Bang! Bang!
The guards armed with flintlock pistols were forced into a frantic retreat by Ian's relentless advance. They could only fire wildly, hoping to slow the invaders' progress.
"Annoying flies."
FWOOM!
Ian swung his massive blade in a casual, almost dismissive arc. The resulting air pressure swallowed the incoming bullets whole. More screams echoed down the corridor as the deflected shots found unintended targets.
"Peppa! I found it! The key!" Nami exclaimed, jangling a large ring of keys she'd pulled from a fallen guard. "The holding cells are just around that corner we passed! Follow me!"
Upon hearing this, T. Peng immediately moved to flank Nami, his formidable presence clearing a path as they hurried toward the prison cabin.
"Tom, Jerry, the treasure room is up ahead. Empty it," Ian commanded. "I'm going to go have a little chat with our host. Hehe!"
Even through the mask, the two women could feel his villainous grin.
…
CRASH!
The door to the luxurious bedroom splintered inward. The room was dark, seemingly empty. Ian strode to the central dining table and, without ceremony, drove his greatsword down through its center.
KRA-KOOM!
"GYAAAAAAH!"
The table shattered into two halves, revealing Disco cowering underneath. His heart-wrenching scream was music to Ian's ears. The man who had postured and preened under the protection of the Celestial Dragons by day now hid like a frightened rodent. It was almost a shame to kill such a perfectly slimy specimen.
Ian's thrust had been precise, piercing only Disco's right palm and pinning him to the floor.
"You're the manager of this establishment, correct?" Ian asked, modulating his voice to a rough, cold baritone.
"Please, spare me, Pirate Lord! Please, let me go!" Disco blubbered, clutching his bleeding hand. "I can give you money! Take it all! Just let me live!"
"Alright. Let's play a game," Ian said, his tone chillingly conversational. "I'm going to ask you a question. Answer incorrectly, and I break one of your hands. Get another one wrong, and I break a leg. Refuse to answer, or interrupt me... well, the consequences will be random. Do you understand?"
Disco nodded frantically. "I understand, sir! I understand!"
Ian leaned closer. "First question: Would you choose your left leg or your right leg?"
Disco stared, bewildered. "Huh? I'm... I'm supposed to answer questions, sir!"
"Refusal to answer. Random consequence."
Ian lunged forward, his foot connecting with a sickening CRACK.
A Few Minutes of "Questioning" Later...
"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"
"The... the chicken! It was the chicken!"
"Wrong! Where did the egg come from, then?"
"GYAAAAH!"
…
"How many steps does it take to put an elephant in a refrigerator?"
"An... elephant? In a refrigerator... Two steps?"
"Wrong! Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door. Three steps!"
"AAAAAGH!"
…
"There was a meeting in the forest. Who didn't go?"
"I don't know, sir! What kind of meeting?! Did you not go, Pirate Lord?"
"No. The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator!"
"NO, PLEASE— AAAAAH!"
…
After a series of such philosophical inquiries, Disco was utterly broken. The accumulated agony finally overwhelmed him, and he lost consciousness. He wouldn't die, but he would likely spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, dependent on others. And with his connection to the Celestial Dragons and noble clientele severed by his failure, Doflamingo had no use for a cripple. A fate worse than death, indeed.
Ian stood up, yanking his sword free from the floorboards. "You're all the same," he muttered to the unconscious form. "Can't answer a single one correctly."
Stepping out of the room, he found the situation largely resolved. Peacock and Skylark stood waiting, each holding two large bubble bags bulging with four heavy treasure chests apiece.
"Captain, we've got it all!" Peacock announced, one hand on her hip, proudly displaying their haul. After years in the Marines, the thrill of playing the pirate was undeniably exhilarating.
"Build a thousand temples, and you sleep in the streets; pull off one heist, and you live in a mansion. These bastards were raking it in."
"A very profitable night's work," Ian agreed, giving Peacock an appreciative pat on the back.
Peacock: "Hmm."
…
Five Minutes Later. Main Entrance.
The innocent civilians, their explosive collars now removed, were being ushered out of the ruined auction house. Ian pointed them toward the civilian transport docks, giving them directions to find passage off the island.
Before leaving, Ian tossed the giant sword to T. Peng.
"Peppa," Ian said, gesturing to the half-destroyed building. "This place looks like it could be fixed up. Give it a couple of days, and they'll probably have it filled with new 'merchandise.'" He looked at T. Peng. "You claim you can cut a ship in half. Let's see it. Finish the job."
T. Peng caught the sword, his grip firm as he stood before the main gate. "Thank you, Captain, for this opportunity." He took a deep breath, his voice resonating with conviction. "A den of sin like this has no place in this world. Flying Phoenix Slash!"
He swung the blade in a perfect, sharp-angled arc. A wave of pure sword energy shot forth, slicing through the air and into the building's foundation with a deafening ROAR!
BOOM!
The remaining half of the auction house groaned, then collapsed in on itself in a cloud of dust and debris.
Peacock: "Incredible sword energy!"
Skylark: "So this is the power of a true swordsman!"
Nami: "Whoa!!"
Ian nodded, satisfied. As the primary close-quarters fighter of his team, this was precisely the level of power he expected.
"Let's move out! Police cleanup!" Ian commanded.
The team gathered their loot and melted back into the pre-dawn shadows.
…
Once they reached a deserted grove, T. Peng kept looking back toward the direction the freed civilians had gone, his face etched with worry.
"Will they be alright on their own?" he fretted. "Commodore Ian, should we have escorted them to the port ourselves?"
His compassion, as boundless as ever, overflowed.
End of Chapter