Once again, I am alone in my room.
My mother left a while ago, and despite being on my bed… I am unable to fall asleep.
My heart constantly races—out of fear, guilt, concern, and all manner of emotions—and I can't seem to get it under control. I ask myself if I am really doing the right thing, feeling an inkling of doubt in my mind.
But, after thinking about the matter clearly… I am certain!
I made the right choice.
'I love you, mother, I truly do… but how shameless can you be?' A small frown forms on my face when I remember my conversation with her. 'You said a lot of grand words, but in the end, all you truly wanted was for your son to sacrifice his own happiness for your sake.'
It is already very clear to me that my mother will experience hard times as a result of my choices.
My father will constantly berate her, and she will suffer a lot for it—especially in the short run.
But this is out of my control.
The only other alternative is for me to compromise for her sake and follow the wishes of my family, which I will never do.
In that respect, perhaps I am indeed the cause of my mother's pain.
I suppose I am an unfilial son.
'But… as my mother… should you not love and support me regardless?' I sigh, shaking my head and collapsing on my bed. 'I can't blame her for not understanding my decisions, and I won't even fault her for protesting against them. But…'
I slowly touch my cheeks and feel the stinging sensation that lingers there.
'… Isn't it selfish for you to try to manipulate your son into following your wishes because you do not want to suffer the pains that accompany his decisions?'
I suppose neither I nor my mother is completely innocent in this matter.
We are all flawed and selfish.
'But don't worry, Mother… I understand and forgive you.' I stifle whatever tears are about to proceed from my eyes and cover my upper face with my arm. 'Just you wait! I am going to make you proud, but I have to do it in my own way!'
Until then… I suppose everyone will have to put up with this unfilial son.
************
Despite sleeping very late, I woke up at exactly 3 AM in the morning.
This isn't strange to me, since my body has been finely tuned to rise at such early hours. The horrid thing is that I can't return to sleep once I wake up, which makes this a very destructive habit that I have to fix in due time.
My eyes feel very heavy as I yawn loudly and feel the weight of drowsiness all over me.
But I get up anyway.
Ever since I was a child, I would be forced to wake up very early for training. The training time was initially 6 AM, but it eventually became 5 AM. However, after realizing my lack of talent, I realized I needed more time to train.
As a result, I took it upon myself to wake up two hours earlier so I could get more work done in the morning. I even slept much later than others—all because I was training. I did all of this so my father would recognize me, so my mother would love me, so my siblings would admire me, so my Household would cherish me.
I did all of these things for others, living my entire life for the sake of everyone around me.
This time will be different.
I leave my room to engage in some preliminary workout for strengthening my base and keeping my body in shape.
Even though I have no intention of being a Knight, I can't simply ignore one of my major assets.
Not only do I intend on keeping up with training—albeit on a much less intense scale compared to before—I also plan to strengthen myself with the Family's Martial Technique, which I already mastered in my past life.
To do that, this body's constitution needs to be at a certain level.
'That means I can't just completely ignore training!'
Once I return from my early morning exercise, I have my bath and freshen up. It's barely past 6 AM, and I am already done with all the essentials I need done for the day.
'If I train two to three hours a day, I should be fine.' Since I already have all the memories from my past life, I no longer need to relearn any technique from my family. I simply need to ensure my body can keep up with the knowledge and achieve perfect coordination between my mind and body.
My current pace isn't bad at all to achieve that goal.
Since I have gotten that out of the way, I have a lot more free time on my hands. As such, I head to the Estate's Library and grab a few books to read. Considering my identity in the family, I face no obstruction whatsoever and have immediate access to the floor.
The library hasn't changed much, though there are clearly more books here than I remember.
Good.
I explore the floor and take the books I am interested in. After, I proceed to a seat within the hall and then divide the books into two categories—the ones I intend on reading in the library, and the ones I plan to take to my room to enjoy.
Once the process is done, I waste no time and begin reading.
Thankfully, everything is written in the languages I understand—Nowe'aric and Randalorionese.
Literature in this world is largely exclusive to Royals, Noble Households, Knight Families, and the Clergy. Commoners generally can't read or write, and those who can are only able to spell their names.
Some Merchants—especially the wealthy ones—undergo Informal Education and end up learning the languages that are relevant in their territory or field of operation. This, however, cannot be compared to Formal Education.
'Since I hail from a Knight Household, the Knight Academy is always an option to receive Formal Education. However, this isn't the kind of education I want.'
The Knight Academy teaches a range of courses, some of which are tied to being a Scholar, but the subjects are mainly centered around combat.
I don't want to experience that again.
Instead, my current interest lies in the Royal Academy. Graduates from there become either Third Rate, Second Rate, or First Rate Scholars—going on to the University to receive higher degrees.
As the name implies, it is a most prestigious institute that is usually occupied by Royals and those from Noble Households. Those from Knight Families and the Clergy are very limited, but they also exist—especially the High-Rank ones.
Unfortunately, the Aditi Household is a Middle-Rank one.
Plus, my parents will surely be against me going off to the Royal Academy, so I can't use whatever little connections they have to weasel my way in.
It's not like there aren't any other options, but this just makes things more difficult for me.
Royals and Nobles can send as many of their descendants into the Royal Academy, but a Knight Household can only send one in every generation. It is usually the second-born that goes there, since firstborns will attend the Knight Academy instead. Most High-Rank Knight Families also rely on their affiliation with the High Nobility or Royal Family to get in due to the high standards of the Academy's entrance exams, but also the exorbitant tuition fee.
"Ahh… tuition. What should I do about that?" I think aloud for a moment, my brows creasing up slightly.
Knight Families rely on glory and honor to maintain their reputation, but many of them are actually impoverished. Even if my parents support my goals, the Aditi Household does not even have the means to support my education there.
Even High-Rank Knight Households aren't very wealthy and can only rely on their benefactors to sponsor their children to the Academy in exchange for more loyalty and support.
After all, even in the Royal Academy, there is bound to be factions and competition. That Nobles and Royals will bring in as many members from subordinate families to act as their entourage and solidify their children's standing in the Academy.
None of that concerns me, though.
'Our Aditi Household is affiliated with a High Noble Family, but it is only a very loose arrangement. We are likely one of several who have ties to that family, and they don't bother paying much mind to our Household, so I doubt they would support me in my endeavors even if my family wholeheartedly seeks their support.'
Besides, I don't really want to get tied to any faction when I enter the Academy. I simply want to face my studies and learn more about the world.
With that in mind, I must enter based on merit and be able to afford the tuition on my own.
To do that, it seems the only method is to gain a scholarship.
I can think of no other way to make a large amount of money in such a short period. Of course, I still have to worry about the Entrance Application Fee, which is also absurdly high, but that is still something I can manage.
The only problem is… how confident am I in my ability to obtain a scholarship?
'This is a gamble for me. I'll have to risk it all on the chance that I pass the Entrance Exams excellently well and gain a scholarship. Doing that will ease almost all of my burdens. But, if I don't get a scholarship, I won't be able to attend the Academy, even if I am qualified to.'
Then, there's the worst-case scenario—not passing at all.
I haven't been prepped for the Academy, and I never had to attend, so I know very little about what it entails. It seems I'll have to find out as much as I can from the Nobles who will attend my Coming-of-Age Ceremony.
I don't expect much from them, since they are all going to be of Low Nobility, but some information is better than none.
Until then, I can only do my best to study hard and cover all of my bases.
The first book I pick up to read is a good start—Exploring Randalorion Kingdom's Economy.
***********
Before I realize it, evening descends upon the world.
I have spent the whole day reading without even noticing. I don't regret any of it, though.
It was time well spent.
I leave the Library with two books that I plan to finish later. After filling a short form and informing the Librarian, I head out and walk towards my room.
As I feel the evening breeze smoothly saunter all over my skin, my mind swirls with thoughts about the Randalorion Kingdom and its eventual ruin. All of it can be traced back to the Civil War, a conflict that arose due to an unresolvable dispute between the Royal Faction and the Noble Faction.
The Aditi Household belongs to the Royal Faction, so we sided with the Royals in the war.
It ended after two years, but a lot of damage was done.
Then came the Sarvosia Invasion.
'We won the war, but our two Special Resources were affected beyond recovery…'
In the past, I didn't quite understand how an entire Kingdom could collapse due to such a reason, but after brushing up on my studies, I have gained a new perspective.
The Randalorion Kingdom has a limited territory and a population of just over a hundred million people. This seems like a large number, but it is actually unimpressive and even below average when it comes to the Mid-sized Kingdoms of the Eariel Continent.
What makes this Kingdom stand out so much despite its unimpressive size is its Special Resources. Mid-sized Kingdoms usually have only one, but the Randalorion Kingdom actually has two—Green Shade Sand and Purple Iron Ores.
'Once those two are gone, our Kingdom's power essentially fizzles out, and the end is inevitable…' I make a wry smile as I slowly pass the Training Grounds before stopping abruptly when I notice a figure.
It's a girl, about thirteen years of age, hiding among the trees as she watches some warriors train.
Her short yellow hair flutters gently with the wind, and since I only spot her from behind, I can't see her face… but I can imagine it very vividly.
'Damnit… I was going to pass the other route, but I ended up here since I was so deep in thought.' I groan silently as my legs remain in place and I am unable to move despite my heart thumping like crazy.
I know the reason all too well.
It's because I have finally run into the one person I have been actively avoiding since I regressed.
My younger sister—Selicia.