Everything outside seemed oddly still that morning, as if the volume had been turned down on everything but her mind.
Laura sat in the corner of the campus coffee shop, the murmur of subdued conversation and clinking cups barely reaching her. She was lost in her own thoughts.
His thoughts.
Her computer was open on her lap, its glare illuminating her exhausted eyes as she flipped through scholarship sites and exchange programs' requirements. Many of them were out of her league, too costly or requiring grades that made her tighten inside with uncertainty.
But she looked.
But she still hoped.
Each line she read pulled her closer toward a place she couldn't see, a person she couldn't reach.
Seoul.
The very mention of this name was like the pounding of a heartbeat in her ears. She felt like she was getting closer to him, to his world. And that realization was enough to make her go on.
"Am I so obsessed?", she whispered to herself.
She scrolled through a university brochure, the photographs full of students laughing beneath cherry blossoms. It seemed very warm, vibrant and full of possibilities. Her own life seemed to lack all of a sudden.
Maybe it was unrealistic, but wasn't that the point of dreams?
Her pen lay on a piece of paper where she'd written in scribbly ink:
"Language Program – SNU, Yonsei, KU."
Underneath, she had written, almost unconsciously,
"Start saving."
A shadow crossed her screen.
"Planning world domination without me?"
Aiden's voice held that familiar warmth, the one that always made her smile before she could stop it. She raised her eyes, and there he was, carrying two cups of iced coffee and his usual crooked grin. His hoodie covered him to an uncomfortable extent, his hair messy, his eyes—tired, but kind.
"Not world domination dude", she told him, closing the tab in a hurry as if she was doing something disgusting.
"Just… study stuff. You see."
He raised an eyebrow with a smirk on his face that he always had, "Researching things, huh? You only speak like that when you are keeping something a secret. You can't deceive me."
"I'm not hiding anything", she said, forcing a little smile.
"Just preparing ahead."
Aiden passed her one of the cups as he sat down in the chair facing her.
"Preparing ahead of time is serious coming from you. Am I concerned?"
"No", she replied quietly. "Perhaps. I don't know."
He tilted his head, watching her carefully, "You've been distant lately. You know, like you're here but not here. You okay?"
Laura hesitated. The honest answer sat on her tongue, but she swallowed it. She didn't know how to explain that she felt caught between two worlds, one real but dull, one distant but alive.
"I'm fine", she said instead, her fingers tightening around the cold cup, hesitation written all over her face.
Aiden nodded slowly, though he didn't believe her. He never did when she said she was fine.
"You know," he whispered, "sometimes, chasing something too far away makes you forget what's already next to you."
She looked at him then, really looked, and felt a strange pang in her chest. His eyes held something she couldn't quite name. Something steady, patient, maybe even sad. But before she could speak, he smiled again to kill the weight of the moment.
"Anyway", he said, "I got us the strong stuff today. Figured you'd need it after all that… studying stuff. Whatever."
Laura laughed softly, the tension easing just a little. "Thanks."
They sat in silence for a while, sipping their coffee as rain began to patter softly against the window. For a moment, it wasn't the usual silence between them. This time, it was awkward.
When Aiden left for practice later, Laura stayed behind. Her eyes drifted to her screen again, the tabs she had closed still open in her memory.
Evan's profile, his favorites, his universe. She reopened his page, browsing through his recent photos, interviews and fan comments. He was everywhere, but nowhere close to her.
He looked like a dream she could never reach, but still yearned.
She wrote a message once, just a simple
"Thank you for liking my post", and then erased it.
Wrote it again. Deleted it again.
Her thoughts ran wild with all the things she'd never dare to say.
You make me want to be a better person.
You make me think that the world still has the ability to surprise me.
You make me feel noticed, even when you don't know I'm here.
She shut her laptop before she could do something foolish and exhaled deeply.
That night, when she got home, her mother called her from the kitchen. "You're late again, sweetheart. Studying too hard?"
Laura forced a smile. "Yeah. Something like that."
Her mom smiled faintly, unaware of the quiet storm brewing inside her daughter's chest.
When Laura eventually went to bed, she gazed up at the ceiling for a while, phone on her chest. The screen's light gave a faint glow to her face, reflecting the weariness in her eyes. She scrolled through Evan's last posts one final time before she fell asleep.
And in that space between waking and dreaming, she saw him again.
Only this time, they weren't in the bookstore.
They stood beneath cherry blossoms, the sky soft and golden behind him. He looked at her the same way, like she was something he had been searching for.
"Someday", he whispered once more, voice low and certain.
She went out to touch him. But before she could, the dream broke into light.
***
The next morning, the world seemed sharper. Clearer. As if something within her had changed overnight.
At breakfast, she mentioned to Aiden, almost nonchalantly, "I think I want to study abroad."
Aiden froze mid-bite. Nearly as if his heart seized by what she said, "Abroad?"
She nodded and refused to meet his eyes. "In Seoul."
He set his spoon down slowly, "Because of him?"
Laura hesitated. She ached to deny it. She wanted to pretend that this was all about her future, her development, her dreams. But the truth hovered heavy in the air between them.
"I don't know," she replied honestly.
"Maybe partly. But it's more than that. I just… need to go. I need to know if I can. I wanna see to it till the end."
"I…don't wanna regret later."
Aiden's lips parted like he wanted to argue, to tell her not to build her life around someone she didn't even know. But the determination in her eyes stopped him.
Instead, he smiled weakly.
"Then I'll help you get there", he said, but a part of him protested. He was regretting it already but didn't have any choice.
Her gaze softened. "You don't have to—"
"I want to", he insisted.
"You've always helped me with my music stuff. Let me do this much for you atleast."
Laura smiled, warmth spreading through her chest. She didn't know what she'd done to deserve someone like Aiden. Someone who stayed.
But what she didn't see, what she couldn't see, was the way his fingers curled tightly around his coffee mug after she looked away.
Because while she was dreaming of someone who lived oceans away, Aiden was quietly realizing he was already drowning.
Aiden was now back to his senses that he was slowly losing her to someone who didn't know them at all. It felt like a tight punch in his heart, it felt like something stung him.
"Look back at me at least once, Laura."