Eldran sat at home being lectured by his father about the dangers of the dark side. He had heard it many times before. This was no different. Except that it was. It was over a year ago now that he had felt the dark side for the first time surge through him as he threw the school bully nearly six feet with no more difficulty than throwing a grav-ball. Since that day he'd tried to feel that power again – the rush, the fire in his bones, but the force had been silent ever since. His father's lectures however, were not.
His father reminded him repeatedly of the different horrors that the Sith had caused throughout the galaxy. The Rakghoul plague on Taris being one of his favorite topics to point to in order to show the evil nature of the Sith empire. Eldran had no interest in being Sith but he had no interest in being Jedi either. He vividly remembered the conversation with Master Edris Vannor after the school yard incident:
"Eldran your father is concerned at some of the statements that you made in the school yard" Master Vannor had said "You quoted lines directly from the Sith code, are you aware of that?"
Eldran could only shake his head "I spoke the truth about the Jedi's inaction on this world" he said venomously to the Jedi. But even in his confidence in his words he wondered, was it wrong to want to fight back, to demand more than calm acceptance? "every day spice dealers come onto this planet and sell their spice to children my age in order to get them hooked early" he said "and the Jedi do nothing about this"
"What would you have the Jedi do?" The calm master asked looking at Eldran "Do you suggest that the Jedi go to planetary systems to police them for their recreational use?"
Eldran could only respond in anger "Just like a Jedi to frame a question in such a way that it can't be answered" he said "I'm 10 years old and the younglings in primary school are taking spice and smoking death sticks. And you're asking me questions about policing the galaxy."
"All things are connected" The Jedi would say "We cannot stifle the free will of the younglings nor can we police the entire galaxy. So again I'll ask you what would you have the Jedi do"
"It seems the Jedi get involved where it's convenient for them" Eldran responded "Its convenient to send the Jedi to be an emissary to the guild council, while the dock workers and temple priests struggle to get by" but again self doubt ate at Eldran, was he expecting too much from the Jedi? Was it really realistic, to expect the Jedi to care about the sufferings of every world in the galaxy? Eldran shook off the self doubt, if they claimed peace that is exactly what they should be doing he told himself.
The Jedi master would sit and think silently for a moment pondering young Eldran's words. The young boy was very passionate already and he spoke some truth despite his young age. The concern for the Jedi was now that he had passion and the force there were often consequences. "You're not wrong" Vannor said after a few moments of silence in a soft tone. "But if the Jedi took sides, the galaxy would drown in a war of their own making. You've read the history, Eldran. War is inevitable. The Jedi keep the peace because no one else will" For a moment Vannor would sit silent before speaking again. "You seem very concerned with what happens in life" the Jedi would say "You care for those around you"
"Peace is a lie" Echoed in Eldran's head as the Jedi master spoke of the Jedi keeping the peace in the galaxy. While it echoed he didn't speak it out loud "What peace do you keep?" Eldran asked "The only ones at peace are those whose pockets over run with gold and the Jedi in their golden temple and ivory towers" Eldran calmed slightly as the Jedi asked him about his concern "Of course I care for those around me. What else can I do?"
"The dark side is most often channeled because there is a selfishness that we cannot control when we have passion for those around us" The Jedi would say "Our own selfishness causes the darkness to grow"
"What would you know?" Eldran would ask "You sit in the guild tower and eat cloudfruth and sip Thyferra honey, while the rest of us scrounge around in the dirt just looking for scraps that may fall from your cloak"
Eldran didn't realize it at the time but that interaction became the first of many with Master Vannor. Sometimes he would bring his apprentice with him and they would have long conversations. And always, after every single interaction or meeting his father would lecture on the dark side. The dangers of it, and the dangers of the Sith. Eldran never answered the Jedi on how he had come to the knowledge of the Sith Code. The truth was he didn't really know the answer. It was as if the words were always right there on the tip of his tongue whenever someone challenged him or spoke of the dark side. Or when the Jedi quoted their sanctimonious code. It was as if the code of the Sith rang in his ears.
"There is no emotion there is peace," they would say and he would hear "Peace is a lie, there is only passion"
"There is no ignorance there is knowledge" and he would hear "Through passion I gain Strength"
"There is no passion there is serenity" and he would hear "Through strength I gain power"
"There is no chaos there is harmony" and his ears would ring "Through power I gain victory"
"There is no death, there is only the force" and overwhelmingly he would feel "Through victory my chains are broken!"
It was as if the dark side itself would speak to him in those moments. However, he had not been able to reach for it in over a year. He wondered if the dark side had abandoned him because of something that he had done or if it was because of who his parents were
***
"hey Brentaal to Eldran" Derren had said waving his hands in front of Eldran's face. They were still out in the mid city playing a tame version of hutt ball
"What sorry" Eldran said as he was pulled out of his thoughts.
"I asked if you were going to go get your mom from the clinic" Derren asked "Why do you look so ghostly white. I mean more than normal, I know that you trolls like to stay in the darkness of the underground but you look pale even for you"
"Very funny" Eldran quipped "I was thinking about…"
"What happened in the school yard a year ago" Derren said finishing his sentence "I know, that's all you think about."
"That's not ALL I think about" Eldran said "But its hard not to think about when the Jedi and my parents continue to lecture me about the dark side as if I'm daily tapping into the force to choke gamorrean's or something" Eldran sighed heavily. His parents both acted like he was becoming something dark and evil. He didn't know what he was becoming. He didn't know if the force would ever return to him. All he knew is that one day over a year ago haunted his memories both while awake and asleep.
"Well are you going to get your mom or not" Derren asked
"No not today" Eldran said "I have another meeting at the temple. Today I'm supposed to meet with some new Jedi master, Verrin, or something like that.
"You better get going then. The Jedi don't like to be kept waiting"
****
A few hours' later Eldran still before Jedi Master Verrin, a red Twilek jedi with piercing yellow eyes, his long lekku hanging wrapped around his neck like a winter scarf. He paced back and forth in front of Eldran studying him. There was something different about this Jedi, something that Eldran couldn't quite place. Even for a Twilek the yellow eyes of the master were off putting. Like his eyes could bore directly into his soul and reveal anything that was buried there. Eldran had to look away as the Twileks eyes caused fear to bubble within him.
"Master Vannor has said that you believe that the Jedi preach lies" Verrin said his yellow eyes scanning Eldran cautiously "That you believe our adherence to the code is trivial" the word adherence almost sounded like a hiss to Eldran's ears as the Twilek continued to pace in front of him. Eldran however stood silent. There was a time for debating the Jedi on their philosophy and this wasn't it. Standing in their temple surrounded by their temple guards, with no defense except for his wit, Eldran knew better than that. "As you may or may not know" Verrin continued as he walked around Eldran "The Jedi have a rule about training children when they get too old. You must not have shown force proficiency at an early age or the Jedi surely would have brought you to the temple earlier" Eldran allowed his eyes to follow the master, making sure not to meet the gaze of those eys. Each time he said Jedi it seemed to Eldran that the Twilek was in a way separating himself from the Jedi.
"Then why am I here?" Eldran asked. "If I can't be trained in the force because I'm 'too old' what is the purpose in bringing me to the temple?"
"Let's just say I don't always follow exactly all of the rules that the Jedi council would say that I need to" Verrin said his voice cracking almost in laughter "I will train you in the ways of the force and we will see if you can tap into the force through other means that the dark side"
"So am I to become a Padawan learner?" Eldran asked knowing that the Jedi would remove him from his home, school and friends if that were the case
"Not in any official sense" Verrin replied. "This will simply be, you and me training and a means of helping you to develop control. To use the light side of the force, to understand the peace that the Jedi offer"
"Peace is a lie" the force spoke again in Eldran's head. The Jedi didn't offer peace and he had no intention of understanding the perspective of the Jedi. He narrowed his eyebrows and squared his shoulders, before taking a cleansing breath "Fine, then let's get started" he practically growled in response to Verrin
"Very good, first, we must learn to empty ourselves of all emotion…"