POV: In the pouring rain, I cry... I cry in front of a grave full of red Geranium flowers. I don't know why, I just cry. These mixed feelings—guilt, sadness, regret—it all overflows. This unbearable pain makes me feel like a walking corpse; I'm only breathing without feeling alive.
Then a question pops into my head (Is this what they call emotion? Why does it hurt so much? Why do I have to suffer if this is all meaningless?) Everything feels useless. I cry, I suffer, and then I just slowly die and rot.
"Forgive me, forgive me, I don't deserve to live. Please, somebody save me, I can't bear it anymore!" I scream, as this agony keeps burning me.
This immense pain leaves me with nothing but tears and pleas for help.
I sit at the grave for quite a while, alone in the middle of the non-stop pouring rain. There's no one here, just me. My body hasn't moved an inch from where I first sat.
The sensation is cold. I might catch a cold because of this, but I don't care... Because maybe this is the only way I can atone.
"God! If you are truly real, why aren't you helping me now?"
(No, I know... even if He is real, He won't help me, because I am being punished by Him.) As I realize this, I tilt my head up to look at the cloudy sky soaking me in the rain. I stay silent for a long time, then I hug the grave in front of me... so tightly that I feel immense pain.
Damn it, my eyes haven't stopped crying for a long time. The rainwater keeps getting into my eyes, making them sting. I've been at the cemetery for quite a while and I don't know how long. It feels lonely because there's nobody else here.
I look at the grave with a blurred vision, making the name unreadable, and there is blood on the tombstone (I know this is not his grave, but mine.)