Chapter 72 – "The Cutest Threat Level: Global
"Nami's POV – Leaving Whiskey Peak Behind
The Going Merry cut through the morning sea like she was born for it, sails fat with wind, the little lamb figurehead humming that soft, happy tune she only makes when she's proud of us. Sunrise bled tangerine across the water (my color, thank you very much), and Whiskey Peak shrank behind us, already looking smaller than the chaos we'd left in our wake. An entire island. Ours. Straw Hat territory. I leaned on the railing, hair whipping around my face, Log Pose steady on my wrist like it approved.
We'd added three new idiots and one very opinionated duck overnight: Vivi (princess in hiding, heart bigger than her guilt), Mr. 9 (still crying about "eternal loyalty" every five minutes), and Robin (walking forbidden library with legs for days and a smirk that could bankrupt a casino). Karoo waddled around the deck like he owned the place, occasionally pecking Usopp's toes for snacks. Zoro was already snoring against the mast, Sanji chain-smoking while staring dreamily at the horizon (probably imagining feeding Robin tangerine soufflé), and Lucy was up on the figurehead yelling "Next stop: Little Garden!" like the world was her playground.
But my brain? Stuck on one thing. One annoyingly cute, blushing, puppy-eyed thing.
Sunny.
Ever since Robin and Nojiko started that "Oneesan" campaign back on the island, I swear the air on this ship got ten degrees hotter. Every time Sunny mumbled it (ears red, eyes averted, voice cracking like he was confessing murder), my stomach did this stupid flip. God, he's adorable. Too adorable. Criminally adorable. And I'm over here, same age as the idiot, maybe even a month younger depending on birthdays we never celebrate properly. Why couldn't I have been born first? Just one year older and I'd be joining the teasing squad, leaning in close, watching him melt while whispering "Say it again for your Nami-oneesan~."
Ugh. Jealousy tastes like cheap rum.
I glanced over—he was helping Vivi adjust Karoo's little backpack saddle thing, laughing when the duck tried to eat his cloak. Soft hair catching the sunrise, that gentle smile he saves for people he's decided to protect… Yeah. Dangerous. The Marines should put a warning label on him: "Caution: May cause spontaneous heart failure."
Vivi caught my stare and wandered over, still looking a little shell-shocked from last night's emotional avalanche. She leaned next to me, arms folded on the railing.
"So… that's really it?" she asked quietly. "You're all coming to Alabasta with me?"
"Yep." I bumped her shoulder. "Family doesn't ditch family, princess. Get used to it."
She bit her lip, eyes glassy. "The drought's been going on for three years. People are dying. My father… Cobra… he's sick, Nami. Baroque Works has everyone terrified. Crocodile—" Her voice cracked. "I dragged you all into a war."
I turned, grabbing both her shoulders so she had to look at me. "Listen up. We were already headed for hell with a smile. You just gave us a destination. We'll flood that desert if we have to. Aqua's already volunteered her entire goddess water supply."
As if summoned, Aqua popped up between us, arms around both our necks. "Group anxiety smells like citrus and despair! Less moping, more hugging!" She squeezed until Vivi squeaked.
From the helm, Lucy yelled, "Love triangle detected! Add me!"
Nojiko strolled past, ruffling Sunny's hair on her way. "Morning, little brother~."
Sunny's automatic, mortified "M-Morning, Oneesan…" floated over the deck.
I groaned. Internally screaming. I want that power.
Vivi giggled despite everything, wiping her eyes. "He really is… something."
"Understatement of the century," I muttered.
Inside Sunny's head (don't ask how I know these things leak out when he's flustered):
[System]: "Sunny… don't talk to other Oneesans too much… or I'll sulk forever ♥"
{Ego}: "Nami's POV is basically fanservice. Carry on, author."
Stockfish (lazy, velvet drawl): "This ship requires more structure. And snacks."
I rolled my eyes so hard the Log Pose probably felt it. Whatever waited in Little Garden—dinosaurs, giants, ancient whatever—I already knew one thing for sure.
Sunny was going to be the death of me. And I was going to enjoy every second.
Marine Headquarters: Absolute Pandemonium
Sengoku's POV (and the slow death of military dignity)
Marineford, 9:00 a.m. sharp. The grand conference hall—usually a place where the fate of the seas was decided with cold steel and colder logic—looked like a goddamn fan convention today.
The long obsidian table was meant for maps, intelligence reports, and maybe the occasional execution order. Instead, every single person in the room (three Fleet Admirals, seven Vice Admirals, and one very confused goat) was holding the exact same thing: Sunny's brand-new bounty poster. Fresh off the press, still smelling of ink and existential crisis.
WANTED – DEAD OR ALIVE
"Sunny"
200,000,000 Berries the cutest man on the sea
(Subtitle added by someone with zero shame: "Natural Cuteness – No Devil Fruit Detected")
Next to it, Lucy's poster had jumped from 30 million to 50 million with the caption "Captain of the Cutest Pirate Alive." Someone had drawn little hearts around the edges. With a Marine-issued red marker.
I, Fleet Admiral Sengoku, the Buddha himself, felt my left eye twitch so hard it could've powered a battleship.
"WHO," I roared, slamming both palms on the table so hard the wood cracked, "WHO THE HELL AUTHORIZED THESE BOUNTIES?!"
Silence. Crickets. Even the goat stopped chewing.
Garp, mouth full of doughnuts, raised a crumb-covered hand. "Not me! But I approve! Bwahahaha!" He sprayed glaze everywhere. A piece landed in my beard. I aged ten years.
Vice Admiral Tsuru, ever the calm one, cleared her throat. "The update came from… the Public Relations and Morale Division, sir."
"WE HAVE A PUBLIC RELATIONS DIVISION?!"
"Apparently," Doberman muttered, not looking up from the poster he was gently stroking with one finger. "They cited 'unprecedented civilian demand' and 'psychological impact on recruitment numbers.' Female enlistment is up 400% in the last 48 hours."
I stared at the ceiling, praying for a meteor.
Kizaru leaned back, legs crossed, poster folded into a paper airplane. "Oh my~ How terrifying. A pirate so handsome he makes criminals surrender with a pout. Should we be scared or jealous?"
Akainu's magma fist dripped onto the floor, sizzling. "This is an insult to justice. Pirates should inspire fear, not… whatever the hell this is."
Aokiji yawned, poster tucked into his coat pocket like contraband. "Kid likes ice cream. Seems harmless."
"HARMLESS?!" I grabbed the next report and nearly tore it in half. "The Straw Hats planted their flag on Whiskey Peak! Paradise territory! They recruited Nico Robin! ROBIN! The Demon Child! And nobody thought to mention that part?!"
The room went quieter than the Calm Belt.
Kizaru whistled. "Oh yeah… that Robin. Slippery one."
Akainu growled. "She's worth 80 million. Alone."
Garp laughed so hard he choked on a doughnut. "Bwahaha! The boy's collecting dangerous women like trading cards! Reminds me of someone~" He winked at me. I contemplated retirement.
Then the door burst open.
Four Vice Admirals (Momousagi Gion, Bluegrass, Hototogisu, and Hina) marched in, faces flushed, eyes sparkling like they'd just seen the One Piece itself. They were carrying a projection snail the size of a cannonball. And it was playing video.
Sunny's voice, small and mortified: "O-O-Oneesan…"
The footage zoomed in on his red ears, his puppy eyes, the way his fingers fidgeted with his cloak hem.
Every woman in the room (including Tsuru, the traitor) made a collective sound that was half squeal, half war cry.
Gion actually clutched her chest. "I want to pet him until he falls asleep on my lap."
Hina, pink-haired terror of the seas, nodded vigorously. "Hina wants to squeeze him. Tightly."
Bluegrass was fanning herself with her own bounty report. "Have you seen his hair in the wind? I want to braid it. Daily."
Hototogisu, usually stoic, whispered, "I brought sandwiches… he looks like he needs feeding…"
They replayed the clip. Six times. On loop. With slow motion.
I slammed my head on the table. Repeatedly.
"GIRLS!" I roared. "FOCUS! We are discussing a global threat!"
Gion didn't even look away from the screen. "Define threat, sir."
Another Marine burst in, panting, holding a scroll the length of a Marine flag.
"Emergency petition, sir! Signed by 12,000 female Marines, 8,000 Marine wives, and 3 civilian kingdoms!"
I took it with trembling hands.
PETITION FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION REGARDING STRAW HAT PIRATE "SUNNY"
1. Increase production of official Sunny plushies (current stock sold out in 4 hours)
2. Release limited-edition "Oneesan Sunny" talking figures
3. If captured, DO NOT send to Impel Down (he might get cold)
4. Proposal: Make Sunny honorary Marine Idol & Figurehead
5. Bonus request: Calendar shoot (shirtless, optional)
Garp was crying with laughter, doughnuts forgotten. "Sign me up for twelve calendars!"
I felt my soul leave my body.
Akainu finally exploded—literally, magma splashing the ceiling. "THIS IS PIRACY WORSHIP!"
Kizaru tilted his head. "Or genius marketing~."
Aokiji shrugged. "Kid's not even awakened yet. Imagine when he gets serious."
Tsuru, calm as ever, folded her hands. "We could use this. Turn the adoration into a recruitment tool. 'Join the Marines—protect the cutest pirate from himself.'"
The room went silent again. Then slowly, terrifyingly, everyone started nodding.
I screamed. A full, Buddha-powered roar that shook the windows.
"NO! We are NOT turning the Marines into a boy band fan club!"
But it was too late. The decision was made in the chaos.
Final bounties, hammered out over three more hours of shouting, doughnut projectiles, and one near-duel between Akainu and Garp:
- Sunny → 200,000,000 Berries (official reason: "Terrifying natural charm and recruitment of Nico Robin") -
Lucy → 50,000,000 Berries ("Captain of the cutest pirate") -
Roronoa Zoro → 10,000,000 Berries (first bounty, "for sleeping menacingly") -
Black Leg Sanji → 5,000,000 Berries ("for cooking while simping")
As the meeting dissolved into officers ordering plushies on the side, I stared at Sunny's poster one last time.
Those big eyes. That tiny pout.
I whispered to the empty room, voice broken:
"I need a vacation… or early retirement… or both."
Meanwhile, somewhere on the Grand Line, Sunny sneezed so hard he nearly fell overboard.
Lucy: "Someone's definitely talking about you!"
{Ego}: "An entire military branch, actually."
[System]: "Master, you're very popular ♥"
Stockfish, velvet and amused: "Mmm. I foresee chaos. Delicious."
And back on the Merry, Nami muttered under her breath, arms crossed, cheeks pink:
"Whatever's coming next… that idiot better not say Oneesan to anyone but me someday."