I make it back to my room on autopilot, closing the door behind me with more force than necessary. The sound echoes, final and sharp. I lean against it, my chest rising and falling unevenly.
A leash.
I slide down until I am sitting on the floor, my knees pulled to my chest. Tears come before I can stop them, hot and relentless. I press a hand over my mouth to keep myself quiet, as if the house itself might hear me breaking.
I feel foolish for believing that anything between us could ever be real. Foolish for letting myself soften. For forgetting the rules I promised myself I would never break.
This was always a contract.
Nothing more.
I wipe my face roughly and force myself up, changing into softer clothes before crawling into bed. The sheets are cool, unfamiliar. I curl onto my side, staring at the wall.
"This is on you," I whisper to myself. "You knew better."
