'Also, Sehyun, from now on I'll pack you lunch.'
It's been a week since teacher made that statement. He'd been true to his words, everyday he'd pack a separate lunchbox aside his for me.
The rooftop had become our meeting spot. Enjoying a meal with teacher while gazing at the scenery was truly refreshing. If not for teacher, I would've had no idea how different Hangyeom High was from a top view.
Teacher was truly splendid.
Even right now as we sat together sharing the same meal, he still looked dazzling. He was worth watching more than the scenery.
My guess earlier was right, teacher was planning on growing his hair. His hair fell perfectly across his forehead-- covering his eyes. Today he wasn't wearing a coat. Just a black turtle neck and matching pants. He sat with a leg crossed over the other.
I'd seen different looks of teacher but this was exceptional. He gave off a wild aura that seemed to pull me closer to him. Made me want him—more than I wanted. It made me question whether what I was feeling was appropriate. I shouldn't be thinking such unholy things about someone so untainted. Especially now that he was so kind towards me.
"What happened? The food is not up to your taste?" He asked noticing my lingering stare. My face heated. Every stare seemed like he was staring at my soul. I felt exposed.
"No, I-I really like it. Teacher's cooking skills is topnotch..." I averted my gaze staring down at the perfectly made Tofu Gimpap. Every bite tasted unique and extremely savory. And without the taste of meat.
All the meals teacher prepared were purely vegan. It appears teacher doesn't eat meat.
"It's just that I don't have anything to give teacher to express my gratitude." I finished.
I heard him chuckle. "Sehyun, you don't have to feel indebted. Actually, I tend to make quite a lot whenever I'm cooking so I should feel gratitude towards you instead. I feel like I'm giving you leftovers."
Leftovers? How could something prepared with outmost care be considered as leftovers?
I dropped the box beside me turning to look at him properly. "Regrdless teacher, I still wish to express my gratitude."
"Not having to worry about what to eat every morning is a blessing. Teacher may not know it but he has removed a burden from me," my eyes met his slightly startled one. "I'm grateful to teacher."
Leftovers or not.. it was better than having to force peanut bread down my throat everyday.
"Sehyun, you're a thoughtful kid. Since you insist then can I ask Sehyun to buy me the peanut bread he eats everyday?" Teacher asked with a warm smile.
I froze. Everyday?! H-how did he know that?
"How does teacher know I eat peanut bread everyday?" The question slipped out before I knew it.
"Well, I must confess now that you've asked…" Teacher dropped his chopsticks pushing the food aside. "I noticed Sehyun rarely leaves the class even during lunch break and he always snacks on peanut bread. It made me curious as to whether Sehyun enjoyed it so much that he found other food tasteless."
Teacher scratched the back of his head smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
Uncomfortable?!
I waved my hands dismissively. "Teacher, there's no need to apologize. Teacher only did what he should." I stared down at my hands.
Besides, I should be the one making you uncomfortable.
"Teacher doesn't make me feel uncomfortable…." I muttered my hands fiddling with themselves.
"Actually, I enjoy being with teacher." I added bitting lower lip. My heart thumped harshly against my chest. I was sure I sounded like I was making a confession.
Teacher said nothing. A second passed, seconds, then I felt his hand on my hair. My gaze shot up to meet his startled.
"Sehyun is also fun to be with." He ruffled my hair. That one action had me completely disorganized. I was sure I was redder than tomatoe paste. I smiled. Smiled so hard that my cheeks began to hurt.
Teacher liked being around me.
That…that was enough.
We heard the bell ring.
Teacher took back his hand. "You should head back to class." He rised to his feet packing up the dishes. Flustered, I hurriedly packed up my lunchbox.
As I stood about to leave, teacher suddenly held my hand. "Sehyun just a moment."
My body automatically turned to face him like a machine wired to obey commands—His command.
He reached out and gently wiped my lips. A subtle touch that sent temors down my body. My breath hitched.
"You're a messy eater Sehyun," he said with a smile.
How could a being smile that much?
"I'll be expecting it Sehyun," he added.
Eh?
"What's teacher expecting?" I asked my eyes wide. Teacher leaned in his eyes boring into mine. "The peanut bread of course." He flicked my head. "What else?" He asked laughing. He took a step back. "See you tomorrow Sehyun."
"Tomorrow?" I asked panicked. "Hm. I have an appointment so I'll be leaving early." Teacher replied.
My shoulders dropped dejectedly and likewise my face. "Tomorrow then," I muttered.
Teacher smiled and left.
As soon as he was out of sight, my hands trailed back up touching my lips.
I was sure I didn't have food there…
Was teacher teasing?
I shook my head violently as if that would send the wild thoughts far away. "I must be overthinking it… teacher would never…" my voice trailed off.
A part of me desperately wished it was true even though I knew I was deluding myself.
The rest of the day went by in a haze, my thoughts clouded with teacher. Even as I walked home, I couldn't shake it off no matter how hard I tired. The thought of teacher being interested in me.
It was appealing and at the same time, frightening.
"I was fine with admiring him from afar, why did he have to suddenly start paying me attention." I wondered frustratedly yanking the gate open.
The gate creaked eerily as if reprimanding my actions. I stepped inside and closed the gates behing me this time with care.
I couldn't afford to live in a gateless house. It was bad enough that it was barely standing.
I walked inside like a defeated warrior stressed both mentally and physically. My bag slid off my shoulders and unto the floor with a plop and I dropped on the bed like a deflated balloon.
I sighed closing my eyes.
Probably, I was just overthinking. I shouldn't go overboard—mistaking kindness for affection.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I reached and took it out checking the notification.
>Part-time Job offers for students.
> First time in Seoul? All you need to know.
Seoul. For me that was forever going to remain a dream.
Maybe it was exhaustion from overthinking teacher's feelings combined with the harsh reality that I was forever going to be stuck in a wrecked village I, for a moment wanted to delude myself my hand clicked on the notification. The site opened and I browsed through it.
Beautiful. Just like teacher.
But….
They were things I couldn't have. I could only admire from afar.
I tapped on the return button but as I did, an ad popped up.
>Afraid of confronting those feelings bottled up? Click on the video to explore various ways to experience release.
What was this?
I sat up my eyes fixed on the screen. I read it over and over again.
Experience release? Afraid of confronting feelings bottled up?
My thoughts drifted to him.
I had feelings that were indeed bottled up. Feelings I was unsure how to handle.
My hands clicked on the video, curiosity taking a hold of me.
The screen darkened.
I waited patiently, then a bar pooped up.
>Select a preference:
>Older boy × younger girl
> Step siblings
>Incest
…
The list extended forever, was it like a class? I wondered as I skimmed through.
My eyes hovered over a particular one
>Teacher × student.
My hands trembled. This was exactly what I was looking for.
I clicked on it hurriedly. Excited to see what this 'release' was about.
The screen darkened once more. Then brightened up displaying a classroom. An empty classroom.
Seconds passed, I saw nor heard nothing.
Was this a scam? Just as I was about to exit the site, I heard a scream from the video I was watching.
"Ahhhhh—- S-Sensei"
My body tensed up immediately. The camera shifted to two people by the teacher's desk.
A female student layed on the table her legs sprawled out. Between her legs stood a man exposed to the thigh thrusting vigorously in and out of her.
She screamed again. "Sensei!"
My eyes widened as I stared shocked at the screen. Heat flooded my cheeks.
This…this was an.. an AV?!
Nineteen years of my life and I've never watched one. I had never even touched myself down there before. Yet there I was seated on my bed staring fixated at something so…
Unholy.
And I couldn't help but be stirred by it.
Perhaps it was the way the name 'Sensei' rolled from her lips. Like something sacred. Something you'd call a lover.
Something personal.
Perhaps it was the way she reacted to his thrusts. Like someone in desperate need of release.
Perhaps it was because hearing Sensei from her reminded me of him. My belly tighten. I gulped hard my breath growing heavier with each passing minute.
Sensei…
My eyes fluttered close.
I could almost feel him beside me. His scent, his touch… it enshrouded my entire being clouding my senses.
"Ah~"
My voice croaked. My body dropped on the bed. My throat dry. I could hear his voice beside my ear low and enchanting as he whispered my name. "Sehyun.."
I rolled on my belly grinding helplessly against the firmness of my bed. My hands gripped the sheets. "Ahhhhh!"
Sweat rolled down my forehead—my body cold yet I felt hot still. My lips parted slightly the friction from my erection and bed slowly driving me on the edge of insanity.
I had no idea what came next. How to soothe the ache in my bones. I had no idea how to experience release.
I vaguely heard the girl's voice. She sounded close to experiencing the release she sought for.
And here I was moaning into the sheets afraid of hearing how I sounded. Like an animal in heat.
I needed to—
'Sehyun, I'll be expecting it.'
My body shook violently. My head tipped back a hoarse cry escaping my lips.
His face was clear as day.
"Sehyun, Sehyun,"
The way he called my name, the way he looked at me with such tenderness in his eyes.
The feelings I had bottled up, all loosened at once.
The way he smiled at me… God that smile.
I wanted to claim him all to myself; wanted to brand him mine; wanted to call him…
"Sensei!"
As the name slipped from my lips, I exploded. My body shaking as I released hard.
The video had stopped at some point. The room was filled with a strong stench of me. My heart pounded so hard, my breath coming out in gasps.
I slowly released the now damp and creased sheet from my hold. My eyes slowly opened.
"Sensei…"
This was all your fault.