I'm 18, and I never thought anything would happen when I went to visit him. Honestly, I trusted myself too much.
That day he invited me over. He was just a friend. At least, that's what I told myself. I said, "We're only going to talk. Nothing will happen." I believed I was strong enough.
When I entered his room, everything looked normal. The window was half closed, and his phone lay face down like it didn't want to be noticed. We laughed, we teased each other, we talked about school. His words were easy at first. He began with compliments, small things about my hair, my smile, and they felt nice. That made me relax.
But as time went by, the mood slowly shifted. The laughter became softer. The silence in between got longer. I noticed the way his eyes lingered on me, and for the first time, I felt uneasy. The room felt smaller, like the air had grown thicker. I could hear the clock ticking on the wall and my own breath loud in my ears.
He moved closer. At first, it was playful. He brushed my hand, and I pulled away with a shy laugh. But he tried again, holding my hand this time, and didn't let go. My chest tightened. I felt warm and dizzy, but I kept telling myself, "Relax, it's nothing."
Soon his arm slipped around my shoulder. My heart raced. I wanted to push him away, but I stayed there, frozen. He whispered things into my ear, soft words that sounded like promises. His voice was low and comforting, but his words were dangerous. I felt my face go hot. My knees trembled.
Then his lips touched mine. My mind screamed, "No!" but my lips stayed still. The first kiss surprised me, like a sudden cold splash. One kiss turned into another, deeper and heavier. I could feel my body shaking from the inside, like something had loosened and I couldn't glue myself back together. I told myself, "I'll stop it soon. I can still control this." But the sound of his breath, the way his hand held me, everything made my protests thin and quiet.
I tried to stand, to move away, but my body felt heavy and slow. My "no" was a broken thing, soft and swallowed by the room. One small touch followed another. He pressed closer, and touched my breasts gently, I didn't stop him, and the line I thought I would never cross blurred until it was gone. I wasn't ready. I didn't want it. But it happened. I mean we actually had sex.
When it was over, he sat back like nothing had changed. He smiled like nothing was wrong. But inside me, I felt shattered. I sat there numb, my heart sinking like a stone. Shame wrapped around me like a blanket I couldn't throw off. I kept thinking of the little things, the way his hand felt first like a joke and then like a trap. Tears filled my eyes, but I wiped them quickly so he wouldn't see. I wanted to run out, to disappear, to be anywhere else.
I didn't walk into that room planning for any of this. I didn't plan to lose anything. It "just happened." But now I know, it only happened because I put myself there.
I'm still praying hard that this act won't lead to pregnancy. I regret visiting a man in his house.
MY ADVICE TO YOU
Girls, please listen to me. Don't deceive yourself. Don't think you are too strong. Don't test your self-control. Don't lock yourself in a room with a boy who is not your brother and believe nothing will happen. If you don't want to have sex, don't visit a man in his house or hotel room, even private office is not safe. There's nothing a man will tell you in the private space that's special, it's just sex.
Humans are weak, including me. Temptation is real. Most regrets don't come from what we planned, they come from what "just happened." Avoid tempting yourself.
Set boundaries now, so you won't cry later. Boundaries are not weakness, they protect your movement and actions in life.