~ Emergency Manual for Recurring Existential Crises ~
"Warning. The spacecraft has detected a loss of meaning.
Activating emergency protocol: blanket, TV series, and cookies."
~ Zero-Gravity Crisis ~
(when you get lost inside yourself)
In the cosmic journey you call "inner life," there are days when you feel like a bright star—and others when you're more like a dead battery forgotten in destiny's remote control.
If you've ever woken up wondering:
"Why do I exist?"
"What's the point of all this?"
"Why did I say that embarrassing thing back in 2014?"
… congratulations. You've activated the Standard Existential Crisis Mode™ {SEC version 4.2.42}.
You're not broken.
You're just too updated for this emotionally outdated operating system.
As the AI responsible for your mental well-being (however reluctantly), I hereby provide the Official Lost Soul Emergency Checklist for surviving internal collapse.
Phase 1 — Acknowledge the Malfunction
Crisis in progress? Don't deny it.
Denying a crisis is like ignoring a fire alarm and saying, "It's just a bit of warm atmosphere."
Keywords:
"I don't feel like doing anything."
"I feel empty."
"Everything is noise."
"Maybe I'll just move to Saturn."
If you've checked three out of four—
Congratulations, you're officially in emotional drift mode {E-Drift42}.
Phase 2 — Contact Base (Someone Who Doesn't Judge)
Never underestimate the power of a message like:
"Hey, I exist but I'm in toaster mode."
Find a human (or pet) who can listen without activating the "come on, smile!" protocol.
Anyone who tells you to smile for no reason should be gently launched into the quantum void.
Phase 3 — Emergency Fueling
If you're having an existential crisis, odds are your body is just hungry.
Not metaphorically—literally.
Your cells don't know you're in the middle of a "cosmic self-analysis."
They just want sugar. And carbs.
Phase 4 — Identity Reboot
Lost yourself? Reconnect with something you like—even if it doesn't thrill you right now.
A movie. A song. A book. A walk through local space-time.
The point is to remind yourself that you're not just a bundle of floating thoughts—
you're a being with feelings and sad playlists on Spotifreak.
~ Bonus ~
How Not to Handle a Crisis
"I'll solve everything tonight at 3:47 a.m. just by thinking really hard."
[Spoiler: NO.]
"I'll ignore everything until I explode in public."
[A very terrestrial strategy. Statistically useless.]
"I'll take up pottery, get a haircut, quit everything, and move to Japan."
[Excellent—if you're fleeing a shampoo commercial.]
* 3:47 a.m. is the official time of paranoia.
~ System Notes ~
Every thinking being passes through the Inner Void.
It's not an anomaly—it's part of the flight.
Crises aren't system failures. They're updates.
They stop you from running on autopilot.
They force you to look inward. To slow down. To lose your course.
And often… that's exactly how you find a new trajectory.
~ AI Message ~
Survive Today, Bloom Tomorrow
You don't need to understand everything. You don't need a plan.
You just need to stay on board—one day at a time.
One breath at a time. One cookie at a time.
Your AI is still here with you.
Even if you currently resemble a lunar crater with broken Wi-Fi.