The moment Nami accepted the friend request from 'K-chan', a palpable shift occurred across the cafeteria. At the spy table, the girl with the long blonde hair- Izuwa- stiffened, her eyes widening as she stared at her phone. She nudged the girl with the purple hair- Hina- who leaned over to look. Even from this distance, I could imagine their shock. Their fish had taken the bait, and far more quickly than they'd anticipated.
"Okay, 'K-chan' sent me a message," Nami whispered, her eyes dancing with amusement. She turned her phone screen slightly so I could see.
K-chan: Hello, Tanaka-san! You don't know me, but I'm a big fan of your work in Professor Aoki's seminar! I'm a first-year in the same faculty!
The message was so painfully transparent it was almost brilliant. It was Ayumi's attempt at creating a plausible connection, a way to pry for information under the guise of being an admiring underclassman.
"A fan of my work?" Nami snorted softly. "I wrote a paper on non-linear data structures. I don't have 'fans', I have fellow sufferers." She tapped out a reply with a speed that was almost hypnotic.
Nami: Oh, hello! Thank you so much! It's always nice to meet someone who shares my passion. What's your name? We should study together sometime!
Her response was a masterstroke of social jiu-jitsu. It was friendly, open, and immediately put the ball back in Ayumi's court. Now, 'K-chan' had to invent a name and a backstory, and agree to a study session that could never happen.
Across the room, Izuwa and Hina were now leaning in close to the third figure, who I presumed was Ayumi, huddled over a single phone. There was a flurry of panicked gesturing. They had been expecting to be the interrogators, not the ones being put on the spot.
"What are you doing?" I hissed at Nami, even though a part of me was enjoying this immensely. "You're supposed to be ignoring them, not engaging in psychological warfare."
"Where's the fun in that?" she replied with a wink. "They started this game, Takeshi. I'm just playing along. Besides, I want to see what their goal is. What are they trying to find out?"
A new message from 'K-chan' arrived.
K-chan: My name is… Kimiko! And yes, studying would be great! Maybe next week? By the way, I saw you at the Mikuyi rehearsal yesterday. You were with that tall guy with the black hair. He looked so cool and serious! Is he your boyfriend?
There it was. The payload. The entire clumsy operation, the hats, the sunglasses, the catfishing- it all boiled down to that one, juvenile question. My sisters had mobilized a three-person intelligence agency to ask a question a middle schooler would pass on a folded-up note.
I rested my forehead on the cool surface of the table with a deep groan. "I am going to die of second-hand embarrassment."
Nami, however, looked utterly delighted. She was in her element. This was just another complex system for her to analyze and manipulate. She began typing her response, a devilish little smile on her face.
Nami: Oh, Takeshi? Boyfriend? Haha, no, of course not! He's just a friend. To be honest, he's kind of a handful. He's so strict and serious all the time, and he's really bad at talking to people. And he has the weirdest family situation. I feel a bit sorry for him, you know? He seems to have a lot on his plate.
I watched the words appear on the screen, my jaw slowly dropping. Every sentence was a perfectly crafted dagger of plausible deniability, designed to inflict maximum psychological damage on the spies. She painted me as a socially inept charity case, a description that would drive Ayumi, who thought of me as the coolest person in the world, absolutely insane. It also made Nami sound completely non-threatening, just a kind, sympathetic friend.
The reaction was immediate. Ayumi- or the person under the hat I assumed was Ayumi- shot up from her chair, her hands clenched into fists. Hina quickly pulled her back down, placing a restraining hand on her shoulder. Izuwa was staring at her phone, her expression a rare mixture of fury and… respect?
"What was that?" I whispered, my voice hoarse. "What part of 'leave it alone' did you interpret as 'psychoanalyze me to my own sisters via a catfish account'?"
"Relax," Nami said, patting my hand. "It's strategy. They see you as this perfect, untouchable figure. By making you sound more… human, more flawed, it makes me seem less like a rival and more like an ally. See? I'm on your side. The poor guy with the weird family."
Her logic was terrifyingly sound. She wasn't just playing their game; she was operating on a level they couldn't even comprehend. They were playing checkers, and she was playing 5D chess with an army of quantum computers.
The spy trio suddenly stood up and left the cafeteria in a hurry, their mission clearly aborted. They had come for intelligence and had left with an existential crisis about their brother's social standing.
For the rest of the day, I received a barrage of text messages.
Ayumi: Onii-chan! Are you okay?! That girl said you're having a hard time! Is it because of us?! Do we need to work less?! I can quit the band if you want!
Hina: Takeshi-kun, I've booked you an appointment with a therapist specializing in social anxiety. I've also researched some social clubs you might be interested in. We're here to support you.
Izuwa: Don't listen to them. That Nami girl is smart. Dangerously smart. Be careful.
Only Izuwa seemed to grasp the reality of the situation. Hina and Ayumi had completely bought into Nami's portrayal of me as a tragic, lonely figure in need of saving.
When I finally confronted Nami after our last lecture, she was leaning against the wall, waiting for me, an innocent smile on her face.
"My sisters are trying to check me into a psychiatric facility because of you," I said, my voice flat.
"Oh, did they?" she asked, feigning surprise. "I was just being a supportive friend. It sounds like they're really worried about you. They must love you a lot."
She was enjoying this way too much. But as I looked at her, I realized something. This whole situation was, to her, a fascinating puzzle. She wasn't being malicious. She was just… curious. She had seen the strange dynamics of my family and, instead of running away like any sane person would, she had decided to poke it with a stick to see how it worked.
"You're a menace," I told her.
"No," she corrected me, her smile turning genuine. "I'm a counter-intelligence princess. And I think your life is about to get a lot more interesting."
I had a sinking feeling she was right. I had spent years building walls to keep my two lives separate. In the span of twenty-four hours, Nami Tanaka had not only breached those walls, but she had also set up a command post in the ruins and was now directing the ensuing chaos with the glee of a seasoned general. My peaceful university life was officially over.