Alex woke up to what felt like someone stabbing him repeatedly in the lower abdomen.
His first thought, still half-asleep, was that he had been poisoned again. His second thought was that this was a very different kind of pain than poison. His third thought, which came with dawning horror as he felt something wet and uncomfortable, was oh no.
Oh no no no.
He sat up abruptly and looked down. There was blood on the sheets. Not a lot, but enough to be obvious in the early morning light.
"You have got to be kidding me," he said out loud to the empty room.
Of course. Of course this body had a menstrual cycle. Why wouldn't it? Just because he had been dealing with poison recovery and business development didn't mean biology stopped working. The universe clearly had a sense of humor and that sense of humor was currently laughing at him.
Alex had killed people. He had negotiated billion-dollar deals. He had survived corporate espionage and assassination attempts. But he had absolutely no idea how to deal with a period in ancient China.
This was not covered in any business school curriculum.
"Xiao Cui!" he called out, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.
She appeared within seconds, took one look at his face and then at the bed, and her expression shifted to understanding.
"Oh! Your monthly flow has started! Don't worry, mistress, I'll get everything you need. Just stay there!"
She bustled out before he could ask what "everything" meant.
Alex sat on the bed, deeply uncomfortable and trying not to think about how undignified this situation was. In his old life, periods had been something that happened to other people. Something he had been vaguely aware of in an abstract sense, like knowing that cars needed oil changes but never having to do it himself.
Now it was happening to him, and he hated everything about it.
Xiao Cui returned with an armful of cloth strips, a basin of water, and a sympathetic expression that made Alex want to die of embarrassment.
"Here, let me help you get cleaned up," she said cheerfully.
"I can do it myself," Alex said quickly.
"Are you sure? You look very pale."
"I'm fine. Just... explain what I need to do and then leave me alone for a few minutes."
She explained, in far more detail than he wanted, how to use the cloth padding and secure it. It was medieval and uncomfortable and Alex added "invent better menstrual products" to his mental list of things to do once he had more resources.
After Xiao Cui left, he managed to clean himself up and get the padding situation figured out, though it felt bulky and awkward and he was deeply aware of it with every movement. The cramping in his abdomen continued, a dull ache that made him want to curl up and not move.
But he had work to do.
He gritted his teeth, got dressed in the servant's clothes because there was no way he was dealing with elaborate robes right now, and forced himself to stand up straight.
"This is fine," he told himself. "This is just another obstacle. You've dealt with worse. That time the Singapore deal fell through and you had to restructure three departments in one weekend. That time you had to kill a target while suffering from food poisoning. This is nothing."
Except it wasn't nothing, because the cramping got worse when he moved, and he was starting to understand why women in historical dramas were always lying around on beds looking tragic during "that time of the month."
Xiao Cui knocked and entered with tea. "I brought you some ginger tea, mistress. It helps with the pain. And Auntie Chen is making you some brown sugar soup."
"Thank you," Alex said, accepting the tea. It was hot and spicy and actually did help a little. "How long does this usually last?"
"Your flow? Usually five to seven days."
Five to seven days. Alex wanted to scream. Instead, he drank the tea and tried to think of this as a learning experience. Now he knew this was going to happen every month. He could plan around it. Adjust his schedule. It was just another variable to manage.
"Xiao Cui," he said, "I need you to do something for me. Track my cycles. Write down when this starts and when it ends. I need to be able to predict when it's going to happen so I'm not caught off guard next time."
She looked surprised. "I... alright. I can do that. Most women just accept it as it comes..."
"I'm not most women. I need data and also predictability." Alex set down the tea cup. "Now, what's on the agenda for today? Did that maid agree to buy the perfume?"
"I haven't approached her yet! It's still early morning, and besides, mistress, you should rest today. You're in pain."
"I'm always going to be in pain for a week out of every month. I can't just stop working during that time." Alex stood up, ignoring the way his abdomen protested. "Go make the sale. I'm going to do some light exercise."
"Exercise?! When you're bleeding?!"
"Light exercise. It might help with the cramps." He had vague memories of female colleagues mentioning that movement sometimes helped. Or maybe it made it worse. He wasn't sure, but he was going to find out.
Xiao Cui looked like she wanted to argue but wisely decided against it. After she left, Alex attempted his morning workout routine. The push-ups were torture. The squats were worse. But the stretching actually did seem to help a little with the cramping.
He made it through about half of his usual routine before admitting defeat and sitting down.
"Fine," he muttered. "Reduced productivity week. I'll adjust expectations accordingly."
He spent the next hour reviewing the information Xiao Cui had gathered about the palace hierarchy and making notes. He was starting to get a clearer picture of the power structure. The Empress was nominally in charge of the harem but was effectively retired. The Empress Dowager had been the real power but was currently ill. Consort Su had stepped into the vacuum and was consolidating control through a combination of the Emperor's favor and intimidation of the other consorts.
The eunuchs were their own power structure, with Head Eunuch Wang at the top. Below him were various ranks of eunuchs who controlled different aspects of palace operations. Some took bribes. Some were loyal to specific consorts. Some were just trying to survive.
The guards were mostly professional and stayed out of harem politics, but a few could be bribed for information or small favors.
The servants gossiped constantly, which made them excellent sources of intelligence but also meant any rumor could spread through the palace in hours.
It was a complex ecosystem of competing interests and fragile alliances. Exactly like a corporate environment.
Alex was mapping out potential leverage points when Xiao Cui returned, looking excited.
"She bought it! Lady Zhao's maid paid ten taels without even trying to negotiate! She said her mistress has been complaining about the palace perfumes for months and this is exactly what she wanted!"
Ten taels. Their first real sale.