I was dead.
Not physically, unfortunately, but spiritually, emotionally, cosmically. The second I confirmed that something was indeed dangling between my legs, my soul noped out of my body like a coward quitting a game lobby.
White eyes. Blank stare. Mouth half-open. The whole tragic anime fainting package.
"Sir Leon fought valiantly," a soldier declared proudly, hoisting me up by the arm like a sack of turnips.
"Yes," another agreed, puffing out his chest. "The way he went silent after victory… that's a man reflecting on the weight of war."
Reflecting? Buddy, I wasn't reflecting. My brain was a hamster on a broken wheel shrieking dangling, dangling, dangling on repeat.
So they dragged me. Through the dungeon. Past the torches. Over the cobblestones. My boots scraped against the ground as my body shuffled forward like I was being piloted by an AI from 1999.
Villagers cheered as we emerged into daylight. Flowers rained down on me. Kids waved flags. One old lady actually kissed my gauntlet.
And me? Still glassy-eyed, swirly anime pupils, mouth hanging open.
"Our commander is truly humble," someone whispered in awe.
"Humble?! I'm clinically catatonic," my inner soul screamed.
I barely noticed as we marched down winding forest roads, back through the city gates, and into the sprawling courtyard of the guild hall.
My autopilot even nodded politely when someone bowed to me. Absolute nightmare fuel.
At last, the heavy oak doors of the hall creaked open. Guild banners flapped proudly in the breeze.
I was deposited gently on my bed in my private quarters, as if I were some great war hero returning home.
And then they left.
The door clicked shut.
I stared at the ceiling.
Blank. Empty.
Until finally, after what felt like an eternity, my brain rebooted.
I bolted upright with a gasp. "Wha....what the hell?! Where am I?!"
I spun in circles, panicked. Then froze. Recognition hit me like a lag spike.
This was my guild room.
My actual in-game house.
The bookshelf in the corner, exactly where I'd dumped useless scrolls.
The rug on the floor, same stupid rug I bought because it was on sale in the cash shop.
Even the poster of some cheesy in-game idol I hung ironically.
I was home.
Except… not home.
Not my real, messy, ramen-stained-bedroom home.
This was the game. Solid walls. Real air. Actual lavender smell coming off the bedsheets.
I stumbled toward the bed, gripping the post for balance. "No. No way. They didn't just… carry me all the way here while I was completely out of it."
I slapped my cheeks. My reflection wasn't on a screen anymore. My hands weren't girl hands anymore.
A thought slithered into my brain. The scariest one yet.
Am I… really him now?
I glanced at the mirror propped in the corner. My heart thudded. My throat tightened.
"Okay," I muttered. "Okay, don't freak out. You're just gonna look. Again. Just to confirm. Again. Totally scientific. Since, I still can't believe this."
I crept toward the mirror, armor clinking. My reflection loomed closer.
Leonhart.
Broad shoulders. Sculpted abs that looked like they'd been carved by some vengeful Renaissance sculptor. Veins winding down forearms like roadmaps to protein-town.
And the face.
That perfect husbando face I'd picked years ago because it looked hot in screenshots.
Sharp jawline, piercing blue eyes, cheekbones that could slice bread. Short, silky hair framing it all like he'd walked out of a shampoo commercial for men.
I reached out and touched the glass. The reflection touched back.
My voice cracked. "Oh god… I'm him."
Panic surged. I ripped at the clasps of my armor, plates clattering to the floor one by one. Chestplate, boots, gauntlets. Then the undershirt.
The mirror confirmed everything.
Pecs. Defined abs. Shoulders that could carry an entire K-pop group.
I stared, horrified. "Holy crap, I'm… beautiful."
Then my eyes trailed lower.
Oh no.
I froze. My mouth went dry. My knees wobbled.
No. Don't. Don't check. You already checked twice. You don't need to check again.
But I had to.
Slowly, with the solemnity of a monk opening a cursed scroll, I tugged at the waistband.
There it was.
Still dangling.
My entire soul imploded.
I collapsed onto the rug, curling into a ball, clutching a pillow like it could save me.
"Whyyyyyyy?! Why would they program it so realistically?!"
I buried my face in the fabric. My voice came out muffled. "I can't… I can't live like this. I'm supposed to be a girl. I was supposed to be laughing at boys, not… not being one!"
The pillow didn't answer. The mirror didn't lie.
I peeked again. The reflection stood tall, strong, devastatingly handsome. Leonhart, my avatar, my main, my virtual crush.
And now… me.
The horror washed over me in a tidal wave.
"I'm not playing Leonhart anymore," I whispered. "I am Leonhart."
I threw my arms wide dramatically, pointing at the mirror like a villain revealing their evil plan.
"I AM THE HUNK."
The declaration echoed in the empty room.
Silence followed.
Then, from the hallway, muffled voices.
"Sir Leon seems… troubled," one soldier said delicately.
Another replied solemnly, "Great men often are."
I flopped backward onto the bed, groaning into my pillow. Day one, and I'd already humiliated myself into legend.
This wasn't a game anymore. This was my life.
And my life had abs, a jawline sharp enough to commit crimes, and something dangling I'd never, ever get used to.