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Clara POV
I had missed the first period, and by the time I reached the classroom door, my eyes were already swollen. The room went quiet for a moment when I stepped in, then came the usual whispers. I pretended not to hear them, though every word sank deep like small cuts.
I forced myself to walk past the staring faces. I could feel them judging, wondering, and waiting for me to break again. I didn't look at anyone; I didn't have to. Then my eyes fell on him. The guy I bumped into. He looked sternly at me. I knew I had to apologize to him for earlier. I looked away as I fixed my gaze on Fabian. And there he was talking to Trisha, the hottie every guy wanted in their bed. He stared at me for a moment, then turned back to Trisha like I never existed.
I sat down as I dropped my bag. I felt Caleb's presence. I didn't know if it was because I hadn't had someone sit behind me in a while or if it was something else. I replayed the bump again in my head. I knew I had to apologize; I was a bit rude earlier.
Fabian sat beside me, taking notes. Sometimes, I felt him staring at me, but I didn't want to look at him. I felt that if my eyes met his, I would cry again. So I tried to focus on what the teacher was saying even though I didn't understand.
When the bell rang, I sighed. Finally, I can retreat to a quiet place. As I packed my bags, Trisha and her minions walked towards me.
"Not again," I muttered. I thought they wanted to finish what they started in the morning. But they walked past me to his seat, the new guy. I felt relief. I stood up immediately and left the class. Eyes stared at me as I walked out.
I went down the hallway, the stare, the laughter, the noise, all the things that felt normal now felt unbearable. I opened my locker, and I saw him, the new guy. I walked up to him. He turned as our eyes met. My heart began to beat faster. I don't know why, and I didn't understand. But I had to apologize.
"Hey, I'm sorry I bumped into you earlier," I said as my heart raced. "Didn't see you coming,"
"Oh, that's fine. What's your name?" He asked.
I didn't want to engage in small talk or have people see me talking to the new guy.
"Clara…" I said. For a moment, I had forgotten my last name. "Clara Marcus," I said finally as I turned to leave.
After school, I made my way to the school library. I wanted to read something that would take me off the edge. I scanned the shelf for books to read. My eyes fell on one. I stretched to get the book, then a hand reached for it. Fabian's hand.
"Hey, babe," he said as he moved closer to me. His shaft was directly on my butt. "How was your day?"
I pushed him away. "My day?" I said with disgust.
"Okay, I'm sorry. But what did you expect me to do?" He said with no remorse.
"Perhaps defend me," I replied to him, almost raising my voice.
"Come on now, you know we are trying to keep our relationship a secret." He said as he tried to hold my hand.
"Yeah, we keep our relationship a secret so I don't get bullied, right? But they bully me anyway." I said, pushing his hand away. "I'm tired of hiding, Fabian."
"Oh, babe, you know I love you so much." He replied.
"You love me?" I smirked. "And yet you can't stand up for me when I'm being bullied. Oh, you think I didn't hear what you told your guy friends?" I said as I folded my arms
"About that." He said, scratching his head. "I'm sorry, just wanted to make it look real."
"Just go away, Fabian," I said, grabbing the book from his hand.
"I shouldn't have said those things," he said, reaching for my hands. "You know how people talk. I had to make it look like… like we weren't anything. It's just better that way."
I wanted to be angry, to freak out, to tell him how much it hurt, but when he brushed a strand of hair from my face, all the fire in me crumbled.
"You know I only did it for us." He whispered, "So, they don't ruin what we have." He smiled that practiced, perfect smile. The one that fooled me every time. He walked me towards the far end of the library, saying we could talk properly in the quiet section.
The air smelled of dust and old paper. People hardly come around that section. It was a place where things that shouldn't be done were done.
"Clara," he said. This time, his voice was softer. "You believe me, right?"
I nodded slowly, even when parts of me didn't want to.
He leaned closer to me, brushing his lips against my neck, my cheek, and then my lips. Our lips locked as he unbuttoned my dress.
"Fabian," I said.
"Trust me," he said as he locked his lips in mine
He traced his hands on my bra before burying them in my bra. His touch sent shivers through me as I gasped.
"Do you love me?" He asked.
"Yes," I said, almost lost in pleasure.
He took off one bra hand as he stared into my eyes. He bent, pressing his lips against my nipple while his fingers rubbed the other.
"Fabian," I said again, this time almost pushing him.
"Trust me, baby." He said as he stared into my eyes. Tucking my hair behind my ears.
He raised my skirt. Separated my legs as he buried his fingers in my panties
"Fuck you are wet," he said softly. He took out his shaft from his trousers
"Fabian, stop!" I said, as I pushed him.
"Come on, baby, this is long overdue." He said as he tried to press himself on me.
"I don't think I am ready," I said calmly.
"You are never ready. You keep doing this. It's not a big deal, you know. I've got practice to attend." He said, leaving me half naked. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt cold, not because of the air but because of how empty I suddenly felt.
I stood there, confused. I dressed up, picked up my bags, and left the library.
I asked myself why I didn't let him. Why did I always stop myself? It always pisses him off whenever I stop myself.