Chapter 1
"You know, doctor, people are mostly unfair. They tell you not to judge a book by its cover… yet they always do." Gabriel lay on the examination table, his voice heavy, while the doctor scribbled notes in his notebook.
"They say appearance doesn't matter… but in the end, it does. Isn't that hypocrisy?" He sighed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"That's the kind of person I hate the most."
The doctor simply stared at him, exhaled deeply, and said,"Gabriel… people are like that. You have to understand and accept it. That's reality."
"I… I know, doctor. It's just… because people are like that, I feel displaced, strange, and alone." Gabriel turned his face toward the light streaming through the window.
"I still dream of her smile." He let out a raw, dry laugh. "And maybe it's because of who I am that I pushed her away."
The doctor set his notebook on a nearby shelf."Gabriel, you are consumed by your thoughts… by darkness. That shouldn't happen. Pay more attention to your heart—it will ease those bad feelings."
Gabriel looked at the window, where the streetlights and car headlights barely cut through the night."If you keep going like this, darkness will consume you entirely. And being consumed by it… means death. So give even the smallest space to your heart… and to the light."
Gabriel clenched his teeth in frustration.
"I know you suffer because of this. I'll find a solution for you."
Solution?! You just want my money.
"I… I hope you do. Thank you, doctor." He forced a small smile.
"You're welcome. Now go, pick up your medication, and head home."
Gabriel did as instructed and walked to the bus stop.
"Gabriel?"
He looked up and recognized the voice. A man with brown hair and casual clothes stood there, a child by his side.
"Bruno?" Gabriel raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Man, it's been ages! Look at how much you've changed!" Bruno grinned, resting a hand on Gabriel's shoulder.
"Likewise," Gabriel replied, noticing the child. "And this little one… is it your son?" he asked jokingly.
"Yes! This is my son, Ruan," Bruno said enthusiastically, placing a hand on his child's back."Come on, Ruan, say hi to your dad's friend!"
The boy, shy, remained silent. Bruno blushed."Sorry, he's very shy!"
"That's fine. So, how's life?"
"Well… how can I put it? Everything's fine, thank God. I'm married, I have a happy family, and a stable job."
"That's great, my friend. I'm glad you're well."
"And yours?"
"Also fine. I have a steady job and a good salary." Gabriel lied about the salary; the rest of his life was a mess.
"That's good to hear."
"And who's your wife?" Gabriel asked curiously.
"Don't be shocked… it's Elisa!" Bruno said happily, laughing. "After you two broke up, I comforted her… and that happened."
"What?!"
Gabriel was speechless, shocked, stunned.
"Unbelievable, right?" Bruno said as the bus arrived. "Well, I have to go. Let's grab a drink soon. Take care!"
"You too!"
Gabriel boarded the empty bus and sat at the back. He looked up at the ceiling, contemplating how miserable and worthless his life had become. Anxiety surged, and dark thoughts consumed him.
When the bus stopped, Gabriel nearly fell.I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice the time pass!
He paid the driver, stepped off, and walked home, consumed again by his thoughts.
What have I done with my life besides work and study? He opened the door to his dark house.The answer is harsh… all my life since school, it's been living on autopilot, like a programmed robot. Gabriel's eyes widened, a grim smile crossing his lips.
Could this be one of the triggers for my problems? If so… my whole life boils down to this.
He locked the door and sat on the couch.I'd rather die than continue like this. I'm just throwing my life away.
Gabriel placed his hands over his face."Just hold on… a little longer… a few more days," he whispered.
Night passed without sleep. He made coffee, showered, dressed for work, and took an Uber.
As usual, he was the first to arrive. Sitting on a nearby bench, he observed the city: birds singing, people hurrying to work, cars passing.
Among the crowd, he noticed a young woman with blonde hair streaked with cyan, wearing a school uniform, surrounded by fashionable girls.
My daughter… she's beautiful as always.
But her expression was sad. His heart tightened.I can't help her right now… only by giving her money.
Minutes passed. His boss arrived, and Gabriel went to greet him before entering the Wicht Company building. He settled at the reception, organized a few things, and began working on the computer. Employees and clients gradually arrived.
"Welcome! How can I help you?"
"Is there still an opening for the H65?"
"Of course! Just go to the end and turn right—you'll find it."
After a busy day, Gabriel returned home, repeating his routine. But one day, while eating a snack on the bench, he noticed his daughter was missing.
How strange… it's Thursday, and she hasn't passed by. This is the only way to school!
He heard footsteps approaching. Her blonde-and-cyan hair swayed as she walked toward him. He frowned.
"Hey… why do you watch me here every day at the same time?" she asked.
"Well… I work nearby and get here too early. I just sit here. That's it."
"Oh… so that's all?" she asked, relieved, sitting beside him.
"Yeah… that's it."
"Good thing you're not some pervert spying on me and my friends," she added.
"I'm just here—" Gabriel froze.My own daughter thinks I'm a pervert?!
"Well… can I stay here a little longer?" she asked.
Gabriel looked at her with the most alive gaze he could manage."Sure… you can stay a little longer. You still have to go to school, though."
She brightened at that.
"So… what advice do you want?"
"What?" she asked, confused.
"If you're sitting here beside me, it means you want advice, right?"
"Well… kind of. Sorry if I'm bothering you."
"No, it's fine. Tell me what problem you're having."
She took a deep breath."I'm having some family problems… my mom divorced my dad, and I feel so lonely and confused." She fidgeted with her hands."I don't know why, but I feel so safe with you here. I don't understand it."
Gabriel sighed."It's normal at your age to feel confused and lonely. Especially after your parents' divorce. You're just a teenager trying to understand your feelings and thoughts. Now you can try to overcome it on your own… or ask for help, like you're doing."
"Imagine you're a warrior fighting a dragon," Gabriel continued, moving his fingers as if wielding a sword."At first, you couldn't defeat it, so you sought help—like you're doing now. Understand?"
"The dragon… is my problems?" she asked.
Gabriel nodded. She brightened, understanding.
"Oh! By the way, my name is Anna."
"I'm Gabriel. Nice to meet you, Anna."
He saw his boss arriving, waved goodbye, and went to work. Gabriel enjoyed talking to his daughter, even though she didn't know he was her real father.
This is the only time I acted like a true father.
His shift passed uneventfully, though he thought:That day was abnormal… it had the most orders for assassination requests in my whole career. How strange.
After work, he took a bus to his therapy session. The receptionist directed him to the psychologist. Entering the office, the doctor waited calmly. Gabriel lay on the couch, and the session began.
"How have the last two days been?"
"Strange things happened," Gabriel said.
"Can you tell me?"
"My daughter came to me for advice… she's going through a tough time."
"That's good. And during these days, did you have any negative thoughts blocking your feelings?"
The medicine isn't working! Should I increase the dose? No… this should be his last session. I don't want him living a life of suffering, sleepless nights, and constant anxiety anymore, thought the doctor.
"Yes."
"Can you tell me?"
"I find peace in my own solitude. I'm a bad person, doctor. I've hardly ever done anything good. A terrible father, son, friend, cousin… I've failed as a human."
"I'm happy and sad when someone comes close, but when I push them away, it's for their own good."
"I can't even maintain my own mask. I'm lonely… because I'm the worst of all."
The doctor was speechless. That confirmed it—this would be Gabriel's final session.
Gabriel poured everything out, like a teenager confiding in his father. When he finished, the doctor gave his last advice:
"Gabriel, you can still change. You're 27. There's still time to turn your life around."
Gabriel smiled, put on his headphones, and listened to his favorite song.
Flashes of his life consumed his mind, the void devouring him. He passed Bruno, who waved; his wife blocked Gabriel from approaching. Each step brought him closer to his purpose.
"Freedom!"
I finally understand… my purpose in this life…
On the bridge, memories swirled—cars passing, people gathering.
To surrender to the darkness, to the abyss… that's where I'll find my freedom.
The wind tugged at his clothes. He leapt, letting the darkness take him, music in his ears, eyes closed with a smile.
He hit the water, sinking into the depths. Water filled his lungs as consciousness faded, but his lips held a genuine smile.
In the darkness, a familiar voice called—Runa's voice. He opened his eyes to a light ahead and swam toward it.
Suddenly, darkness returned. He heard two unknown voices and a baby's hand. In that moment, he realized… he had been reborn.
This is a new beginning. A new life.