recently started working after graduating university and jobhunting for a few months. Job hunt was pretty excruciating since I had to study because of the field I am in, interviewers would only pass me if they see that I can solve problems, and let me tell you this, in an interview environment it is pretty much impossible to solve a problem unless you had already solved that problem or something similar before, pattern recognition if you may is a must in my field.
Ignoring that, yeah I got the job and it pays a pretty penny, but, I am still on the lookout for something better because THERE IS ALWAYS something better, and the type of person that I am, am always on the lookout for it. So why am I writing instead of focusing on finding a better job? Well can't I do both simultaneously? As much of a driven individual I am, in the end, I am still human, and until I can pass that limitations I need to look for a way to spend my time doing something non-productive. To be honest this is the first day I have fully taken off since I started working which again, I started a month ago, and now I don't know what to do my time.
I used to make youtube videos, write pokemon fanfic, watch anime, read lightnovels and other usual books to keep me occupied, but now nothing really brings that much joy to me. Anime and tv shows were great for expanding my world view and turning me into the individual that I am today, but now... it's all the same plot being repeated over and over again, as I mentioned earlier, my jobhunting phase has really sharpened my pattern recognition so it's on the lookout for something new, some new pattern that I haven't seen before in the space of entertainment, but it is hard to get. Extremely hard. So writing is where I am at right now.
It's my day off and I don't know why my eye is twitching, this apparently is caused by stress, but despite sleeping around 11 hours, calmly making breakfast, just chilling all together, is still happening, and that leads me to wonder, why am I stressed? It made sense to me to be stressed when I was still hunting for a job, and was broke, but now that i have some decent money, I can't decipher it. Maybe it's because no matter how much money I have, it'd never be enough, I truly am the happiest when I am working or pursuing my goals, I don't think my goals keep my mental sanity into account but they should, and it will take a while for me to change that so until then I will try writing.
Speaking of hobbies, there are many hobbies people pursue: Gym, rock climbing, reading, watching shows/youtube/sports/something, investing (is this really a hobby?), hanging out with friends, talking to family. In my current circumstances, I can definitely go to the Gym, I have in the past regularly as well, went past the point where one typically sees the new gains, and while it does make me happy to focus more on my physical attributes, for the time being, I am pretty happy with where I am in regards to that, rock climbing is similar, all you need is abdominal strength as well as good strength in regards to your body weight, which I also have, and although trying new .... what do they call it? I think courses is the word or something else the V8 V9 shit idfk, is currently unfeasible for me. Reading is great, but I have read too much... I like fantasy a lot so I have read some pretty good books in that genre, as well as read too many trashy Chinese cultivation novels, and honestly I am pretty sick of consuming content altogether, I am at the stage of producing it I guess. I have friends but I am too far away from them, the virtual world keeps us connected but it's not the same, similar to my situation with family. I can always go out and make new friends, but, it's difficult (not impossible) to get those opportunities when you are an adult.
For my hobby, I don't want anything to do with the field where I am working else it will eat me whole and make me lose my humanity,
Maybe it's time to play god, and figure out my life purpose