Hi, it's me again, looking even more handsome than before. I may look a little rough right now, but hey, at least I still have my abs. I know you were about to ask how I've been, so I'll just answer that first.
It was only last year when I finally woke up from my long sleep in the ICU. It's been over eight months since that day. I didn't realize I had been asleep that long in the hospital. I was only eighteen when the accident happened.
I let out a deep sigh as I remembered all the pain I went through. Lying on my bed, I placed both hands behind my head, using them as a pillow, and stared blankly at the ceiling.
Fine, fine, I'll tell you already! I know you're dying to hear what happened the day I woke up. So here it goes. Wait, though… I don't have my laptop with me right now, so I'll just write everything down in this brown notebook Misaki gave me.
——————————
"Misaki!" I shouted as I shot up from the bed. My heart was pounding wildly, my breathing uneven, and I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. I looked around the room, confused and disoriented. Where am I? What is this place? I asked myself as everything around me blurred into shapes and colors.
A woman rushed toward me, panicking, while a man beside her quickly called for a doctor the moment he realized I was awake. I held my head, feeling dizzy. Their voices sounded muffled, distant, like they were speaking from deep underground.
I looked down and stared at what I was wearing. A hospital gown. Then I noticed the dextrose tube attached to my wrist. That's when everything finally came back to me, the memories, the pain, everything.
"My son! Are you okay? Does anything hurt?" a woman cried out as she rushed to me, her hands gently checking every part of my body. It was her, Cassandra Cirunay, my mom. I couldn't hold back my tears as the memories flooded in.
"Misaki…" I whispered, my voice trembling as tears streamed down my face. Mom cupped my cheeks with both hands and gently lifted my face to meet her worried eyes.
"Listen to me, dear. There's nothing we can do anymore. We can't bring her back. I hope you stay strong, son." Mom said, her voice trembling as tears rolled down her cheeks.
I didn't know whether I should feel grateful for being given another chance to live, despite everything I'd done out of pain and anger. When I was still a wandering spirit, I was sad because I wanted to know who I really was, but I couldn't remember anything. Now that everything has come back to me, I almost wish I could forget it all. I wish this was just a dream, a nightmare I could wake up from.
I was already in a regular room at Holy Spirit Hospital, though I couldn't remember when they moved me here from the ICU. It had been about two weeks since the last time Mom and I talked. I woke up to the sound of someone quietly rummaging through the cabinet. When I sat up,
I saw an older woman carefully arranging my things. Her movements were slow and gentle, as if she was trying to distract herself from something weighing on her mind. I just watched her in silence, following every motion as she placed my belongings one by one into a large suitcase beside her.
"Why are you packing?" I asked, breaking the stillness of the room. She flinched a little, surprised by my sudden voice.
"Oh, you're awake already," she said, placing a hand over her chest before letting out a small sigh. Then she continued what she was doing, the faint rustle of clothes filling the quiet air.
"The doctor said you can be discharged tomorrow," she explained softly. Her tone was calm, but I could sense something behind it, a quiet sadness she didn't want me to notice. I kept my eyes on her, watching the slight droop of her shoulders as she folded the last of my clothes. Even without her saying anything, I could already feel the heaviness she carried.
I remembered the days when I was still a child, back when Mom was always busy with work and rarely home. It was nanny Tessie who took care of me. She was the one who woke me up every morning, prepared my meals, and stayed by my side whenever I got sick. After all those years of working for our family, she became more than just someone who helped around the house, she was like a second mother to me.
There were so many childhood memories that wouldn't be complete without her. On nights when I couldn't sleep waiting for Mom to come home, she would tell me stories until I drifted off. I could still recall her gentle advice and the quiet care she showed through even the simplest things she did. Maybe that's why I grew so close to her, because to me, she had become a precious part of my life.
I lowered my head, that familiar heaviness settling in my chest again. I just hope that despite everything that's happened to me and everything I've done, she still sees me the same way. I wish nothing had changed.
My thoughts scattered when the door suddenly swung open.
"Big bro!" a little boy called out, running toward me the moment he burst into the room.
"Theo," I said, smiling weakly at him despite feeling drained. He climbed onto the bed and sat beside me. Theo was the third and youngest son of nanny Tessie.
"Look, big bro! I got a new online game!" he said excitedly, showing me the screen of his phone. I just watched him play, letting out a small smile as he focused on the game like it was the most important thing in the world. He's grown so much. Back then, he was just a seven-year-old kid who wouldn't stop saying I was his idol.
I ruffled his hair while he excitedly told me stories about everything that happened while I was gone, including how no one stood up for him anymore whenever the bullies picked on him.
"But I really wish Serenity was here," he said suddenly, his voice soft and sad.
"I miss her so much." My smile slowly faded. His words hit me right in the chest, the pain surfacing all over again. He lifted his head and looked straight at me.
"Big bro, remember what you told me before? That it's bad to take revenge?"
"Matthew! That's enough!" Nanny Tessie's voice cut sharply through the air before he could finish what he was about to say.
"I'm so sorry, son," she said, looking flustered.
"He's probably just not used to talking with you again after such a long time."
"It's alright," I replied softly, forcing a faint smile.
Hours passed, and nanny Tessie finally finished what she was doing. I stood up and walked toward the door. I leaned closer to the small glass panel, peeking outside to see what was going on.
I saw Dad talking to two police officers, their uniforms neatly pressed and their faces serious. Beside him, Mom was crying uncontrollably. At some point, she just broke down completely, burying her face against Dad's chest as if the world had fallen apart around her.
I could only sigh. Turning away, I went back to the bed and sat down, staring blankly at the floor. That was when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, followed by someone sitting beside me. When I turned my head, I saw nanny Tessie smiling at me.
"You know, Theo wouldn't stop crying when you were gone," Nanny said softly, glancing at her son who was now fast asleep on the couch.
"He kept saying he saw you in his dreams." She turned back to me, her eyes glistening with the tears she was trying so hard to hold back.
"Dear, even though we're not related by blood, after all these years serving your family, I've come to love you like my own son." Then she pulled me into a tight embrace. I hugged her back, and that was when the tears finally came. I missed this, the warmth, the comfort, the feeling of being safe.
Back then, whenever I was scared at night, convinced that monsters and ghosts were real, she'd hug me just like this until I fell asleep. I'm grateful that despite everything, she still sees me the same way. But no matter what she says, I know my heart will never be whole again. I'll carry this pain for the rest of my life.
——————————
I tucked my pen between the pages and folded the notebook shut. My blog's not over yet, but I'm feeling sleepy, so I'll stop here for now. Sorry, I won't be visiting you every night anymore because I'm no longer a ghost. Yep, you heard that right. I'm human now, alive and breathing. So, I'm leaving you in the care of my beloved Misaki and my ghost buddies. Think you can handle them? Of course you can. Alright then, I'm off to sleep. Oh, and by the way, those dreams Theo's been having? Not my doing, okay? Don't go blaming me for that.
With lots of love,
—Anthony