Don't know—or don't want to say?
Faced with the question uttered almost inches from her face, Kiana felt her scalp go numb.
Even if her skin were thicker than a city wall, there was no way she could answer that kind of question!
Was this normal?
Of course not!
"What does a kiss feel like?"
How was she supposed to answer that?!
"T-That's... that's not something I can just tell you!" she stammered, trying to explain in a small, flustered voice.
"Why not?"
"B-because... you know that kind of thing can only be experienced, not described!"
Why was she even asking that question?!
Ruan Mei wasn't some naive child who knew nothing and asked everything out of curiosity.
Kiana was almost sure she was doing it on purpose.
"Only be experienced, not described?"
Ruan Mei tilted her head slightly, as if mulling it over. Then her next words made Kiana's breath catch in her throat.
"Then let's try it."
"Tr–try what?"
Ruan's eyes didn't waver. "A kiss."
"...You're serious?!"
Kiana practically jumped out of her seat like a cat whose tail had been stepped on.
"Do I sound like I'm joking?"
"...Don't you?"
"I'm not joking."
Ruan placed one hand on Kiana's left shoulder and, standing only a fist's distance away, looked straight into her panicked eyes. "I want to kiss you."
That single sentence completely short-circuited Kiana's brain. She opened and closed her mouth several times before managing a hoarse, trembling question: "Why?"
Why did she suddenly want to kiss her?
So suddenly—so bluntly?
"Lips are more sensitive than fingers," Ruan explained. "I asked what it felt like, and you said it could only be experienced, not described."
"No, I mean—why are you suddenly interested in something like that?"
Ruan countered calmly, "Am I not allowed to be curious about such things?"
Kiana froze. That was... actually a fair question.
It wasn't that she couldn't—it was just that Kiana had always thought of Ruan Mei as someone completely detached from earthly desires.
"Not that you can't," she said quickly, rubbing the back of her neck.
It just... felt off, somehow. She'd been working so hard to earn Ruan Mei's favor—but this wasn't the kind of situation she'd ever imagined.
"I just didn't expect you to be curious about... that."
"Kissing?" Ruan repeated plainly.
The directness of it made Kiana's cheeks burn. She looked away, mumbling a faint "...Yeah."
She didn't dare look directly at her—but her peripheral vision betrayed her, sneaking glances to catch Ruan's reaction. Her heart refused to settle.
"It has no real meaning," Ruan admitted, neither denying nor affirming her lack of emotional attachment. Feelings were something she truly did not understand.
But right now—
There was one thing she did know for certain.
After seeing Kiana kiss someone else, after setting aside thoughts that didn't matter, she found herself wanting to try it for herself.
To know what it felt like.
Nothing more.
Pure curiosity.
"And you?" Ruan's hand brushed lightly against Kiana's cheek. "I want to know what it feels like to kiss you."
Kiana understood immediately.
She'd always known she was somewhat special to Ruan Mei—but she hadn't known how.
Now she did.
Not interested in such things generally—but wanting to try them with her? To know what kissing her felt like?
That couldn't be clearer.
Pinned under her touch, Kiana's thoughts were a complete mess. She had no idea how to respond.
"You just want to try—with me?"
"Yes."
Ruan didn't hesitate, still looking at her steadily—but the earlier forcefulness in her tone was gone.
"Do you even know what that means?"
"Meaning?"
Ruan thought for a brief moment, then said, "Among humans, this act is generally equivalent to... a mating gesture?"
Kiana's eyes went wide again, utterly dumbstruck. "Y-you—you can't just say something like that out loud!"
"Did I misunderstand?"
Not interested didn't mean ignorant.
In fact, Ruan Mei understood—perhaps far more than most.
Though the direction of her understanding might have been... more scientific than romantic.
She didn't think her explanation was wrong.
In human terms, wasn't kissing considered equivalent to a mating gesture?
Kiana's face burned an even deeper shade of red. In just a few short minutes, she had been struck speechless multiple times.
Was Ruan Mei's understanding wrong?
Not really. Actually... it was kind of accurate, wasn't it?
Still—did she have to say it so directly?!
"Since you know that, then why would you still—"
"Me? I'm just curious about what it feels like," Ruan said calmly. "As for any other meaning... you can interpret it however you like."
"Wha—you can't just say something like that!"
Kiana instinctively leaned back, flustered. That was such an unfair thing to say! What did she mean by 'interpret it however you like'?
How was she supposed to take that?!
"Is it alright?"
They had already talked for quite a while. Ruan's eyes fixed on her once more as she asked the question again, her tone soft but steady.
"You can refuse if you wish."
Just as she'd said earlier—this was mere curiosity, not a desire that demanded to be satisfied.
"You know about me and Mei, right?" Kiana said awkwardly. The last thing she wanted was to be forced into some kind of choice.
Ruan frowned slightly. "Does that matter?"
D-doesn't it?
Kiana was stunned beyond words.
"It seems you're unwilling."
From the beginning, when they first met, Ruan had promised she would never force Kiana into anything.
Her gaze lowered, and with a quiet sigh, she withdrew her hand from Kiana's cheek, ready to step away.
But before she could, Kiana's body moved on instinct, faster than her thoughts—her arms wrapped around Ruan's slender waist.
A faint, calming sweetness lingered on Ruan's body, like the soft fragrance of blooming herbs.
She was beautiful.
The heat rising in Kiana's face spread through her whole body. Feeling the rush of her heartbeat, she bit her lip lightly.
"If you're really that curious... then try it—with me."
She couldn't bring herself to reject Ruan Mei. All she could do was whisper a silent apology to Mei in her heart.
Having received the answer she wanted, Ruan said nothing more. She gently tilted Kiana's chin upward, gazing into her nervous, flushed face. From deep within her chest, a strange, new emotion stirred.
This feeling...
She leaned down and kissed Kiana.
It was nothing like touching with her fingers. The softness beneath her lips was like that dessert humans called pudding.
The moment their lips met, a tingling warmth rippled outward from the point of contact, spreading swiftly through her body.
Their breaths intertwined.
How should she describe this sensation?
Ruan thought absentmindedly. Kiana's words had been apt—it truly was impossible to put into words.
But this feeling was enough for her to confirm one thing: Kiana was indeed special to her.
She understood its meaning well—humans only felt something this intense for those they liked.
Even if she still didn't quite understand what liking truly was, she had found her answer about what it meant to her.
How should Kiana even describe it?
The two feelings were completely different.
Because she kept thinking of Mei—feeling guilty toward Mei—so when she did something like that with Ruan Mei, she couldn't help but feel uneasy. The rush was so intense it almost made her heart stop.
Not long after, Ruan Mei released her.
She ended the kiss herself.
Without a word, she sat back down and nonchalantly picked up one of the pastries from the table, tasting it as if nothing had happened.
Kiana took short, uneven breaths.
Her heart was still pounding violently in her chest, and Ruan Mei's scent lingered faintly around her.
She straightened her posture, unsure of what to say at all.
Her hands moved to her flushed face as she tried to calm herself down—but the more she tried, the more her mind conjured images of both Ruan Mei and Acheron, one after another.
It was impossible to stay calm.
"It's a different feeling from eating a pastry," Ruan Mei said suddenly.
"Huh?"
"But like a pastry, it brings a sense of satisfaction—and lifts one's mood."
It took Kiana a moment to realize she was reviewing the kiss.
"Ha... haha..." Kiana laughed weakly. Anything she said would sound wrong, so she could only laugh awkwardly to acknowledge it.
Ruan Mei took another small bite, then closed her eyes briefly, lost in thought. When she opened them again, she spoke in her usual, calm tone.
"Would you be willing to marry me?"
"...Marry you?!"
Kiana's legs nearly gave out. She shot up to her feet, eyes wide like a startled cat.
You couldn't blame her.
Ruan Mei's words were terrifying.
Everything that had just happened was already enough of a shock—but now this?
Marriage...
Had she heard wrong? Was this some kind of hallucination?
Maybe they'd been caught in an accident on the way back, and she was dreaming this whole thing. Maybe they hadn't returned at all.
Reality couldn't possibly be this absurd.
Ruan Mei had just asked her—to marry her?!
"I mean becoming partners—companions who stay by each other's side. Like my father and mother. In the future, we could even create a continuation of our lives together."
Oh no. Not just marriage—she was already talking about children now.
How would that even work? Well... knowing Ruan Mei, she could probably grow a new life in a rice cooker if she wanted.
Kiana's mind was buzzing.
"I must admit," Ruan continued, "I've grown accustomed to your presence beside me. I've given you my trust. And so, I find the thought of you betraying that trust—and leaving—unbearable."
That was...
Kiana froze, her breath caught in her throat, staring at her blankly with wide, azure eyes.
"You know that my understanding of emotions—and of life itself—is unlike most others."
"I don't understand love or hate."
"But... I think I like you."
Ruan touched her own lips thoughtfully before continuing. "Only when I face you do I feel something... different."
"That must be what people call 'liking someone.'"
"I thought of my parents. They must have married because they loved each other—because of love, they stayed together, and through that love, I was born."
"So I thought... perhaps you and I could be the same. Like my parents. Together, forever—partners who would never betray one another."
She had said a lot.
But the meaning behind every word was clear.
She wasn't joking.
She was proposing.
And of all people—her first proposal had come from Ruan Mei, the woman least capable of understanding emotions.
Kiana's mind had completely stopped working.
"Ruan... you want to marry me?"
"Yes."
Kiana's composure broke. She couldn't even look at Ruan, her breath coming fast as she blurted, "I—you know about Mei and me, right?"
She couldn't abandon Mei.
Acheron was irreplaceable to her—their time together in Izumo made that impossible.
And Ruan Mei...
Did she like Ruan Mei?
Of course she did. Kiana had no resistance against beautiful girls who were also gentle and affectionate.
She had spent a long time with Ruan Mei—during those days when her memories were gone, Ruan Mei had been the only person she could rely on.
Ruan Mei was special to her, too.
But whether she liked her or not, after finding Mei again, she could only keep those feelings buried deep in her heart.
"I'm not going to choose between the two of you," Kiana said firmly after taking a deep breath. "Both you and Mei are important to me!"
Marriage?
No way...
She refused to make that kind of choice.
Besides, if she ever dared to nod her head, Acheron's sword would probably come swinging down on her the very next second.
She could feel it.
"...And what of it?" Ruan Mei replied calmly. "I never asked you to choose."
"I won't abandon Mei."
Ruan Mei blinked, momentarily taken aback. After a pause to process what Kiana meant, she asked softly, "Then... you intend to marry her?"
"Uh..." Kiana looked away awkwardly. "I haven't really thought that far ahead yet."
How was she supposed to even handle this situation?
Ruan Mei, for once, didn't seem to know what to say either. A matter involving three people's emotions was... complicated.
And she couldn't quite read Kiana's intentions. It didn't sound like she was choosing Raiden Mei, either.
No choosing between the two...
Ruan Mei's eyes flickered thoughtfully. "What I said still stands, Kiana. If you ever wish it, we can get married."
"I—"
"It's alright. I know what you're trying to say."
Ruan Mei interrupted her gently, reaching for the teacup on the table. "I won't force you to choose. I'll give you time to think about it."
"Now, please leave—for both our sakes. We could both use a little time to cool off."
Hearing those words, Kiana panicked slightly. "Ruan, are you... mad at me?"
"Go see Raiden Mei," Ruan said evenly.
She wanted her to go to Mei?
Kiana's expression turned a bit strange.
"Talk to her," Ruan continued. "Tell her what you're thinking."
"...Tell her what, exactly?"
"Whatever you want to say," Ruan said quietly. "Isn't that enough?"
Tell her... about marriage?
Kiana's face twisted in disbelief. That was the last thing she'd ever consider bringing up right now. They still had more pressing matters to deal with.
"Tomorrow morning, we'll depart," Ruan said again, her tone returning to its usual calm. "Go and make preparations."
It was a reminder more than an order.
She wasn't asking Kiana to do anything—just to take some time apart and collect herself.
"...Alright."
Kiana finally relaxed a little.
There was no point in continuing the conversation now. Taking some space really might be the best idea.
She'd go check on Mei—see how things were going with Sakura.
Kiana had only taken a few steps toward the door when Ruan Mei's voice reached her again, this time without any pretense of restraint.
"Be sure to come by my bedroom later."