The arrangement between them was something Kiana had initiated—and Ruan Mei had agreed to.
For someone whose past had become a complete blank, staying by Ruan Mei's side while waiting for her lost memories to return had seemed like the best possible choice.
And indeed, it was.
Although Kiana had been somewhat reserved at first, it only took a few days for her to realize just how tolerant Ruan Mei was. Once that happened, her true nature began to shine through.
Bit by bit, she started to push boundaries.
And Ruan Mei never objected.
Kiana's fondness for her grew steadily, until their relationship naturally settled into what it was now.
"Come in."
Arriving right on time, Kiana knocked on Ruan Mei's door. Hearing her voice from inside, she gathered her courage and stepped in.
Ruan Mei stood by the window, gazing at the night outside.
Her composure was unchanged, untouched by emotion. Seeing that, Kiana inexplicably felt a sense of relief.
But before she could speak, Ruan Mei turned around. Her beautiful eyes fixed on Kiana.
"Have you made your decision?"
Wait—wasn't she supposed to have time to think about it?
Kiana's heart lurched. So by "time," did Ruan Mei mean just one afternoon?
"Can't we... just stay as we are?"
Even though it had only been an afternoon, Kiana had thought about it seriously.
Moving forward was something she didn't dare wish for.
But stepping back was something she could never accept.
That left only one option—to keep things as they were. To change nothing.
"Stay as you are?"
Ruan Mei frowned slightly. Everything in the universe moved forward. Surely this, too, was no exception.
She couldn't quite understand Kiana's reasoning. Did Kiana truly believe that maintaining the current state was better than moving ahead?
"So, you spent the whole afternoon talking with Raiden Mei... and your conclusion was to stay the same?"
She had told Kiana to find Mei.
So that was really what she meant?
Kiana felt a strange twist in her chest. She'd thought Ruan Mei only wanted everyone to cool off for a while—that was why she'd sent her away.
"We didn't talk about it the whole time," Kiana explained nervously. "We also talked about... the past. But what about you, Ruan? What do you think?"
Her voice trembled slightly.
Even though Mei had told her that Ruan Mei would never agree with her way of thinking, Kiana still wanted to try.
What if... just maybe?
A spark of hope flickered in her chest.
"..."
Ruan Mei didn't respond immediately. She simply stared at Kiana—long and intently—until the younger woman's smile began to stiffen.
Being stared at like that was worse than being scolded.
The pressure was unbearable.
Kiana was the first to break, turning her head aside to escape that gaze.
"If you don't agree, we can... we can talk about it..." she murmured weakly.
Ruan Mei said nothing and began to walk toward her.
Kiana's eyelids twitched. She couldn't read Ruan Mei's intentions and dared not move, though after everything that had happened today, she instinctively wanted to take a step back.
But Ruan Mei didn't give her the chance.
Stopping in front of her, she raised a hand and gently brushed her fingers across Kiana's cheek, sliding down along her jaw and neck before wrapping around her wrist.
"Ruan...?"
The soft touch sent a shiver down Kiana's spine. She couldn't tell what Ruan Mei was thinking, her voice uncertain and uneasy.
Ruan Mei lowered her gaze in thought, her grip on Kiana's wrist tightening and loosening, as though weighing something silently.
What was she doing?
Kiana's heart pounded in confusion.
"So that's how it is."
After a moment, Ruan Mei seemed to reach some kind of understanding. She lifted her eyes to meet Kiana's puzzled gaze.
She didn't release her hand.
"Whether we stay as we are or not," Ruan Mei said quietly, "I can accept either."
"You can accept it?"
Kiana's eyes widened in surprise. Her heart skipped a beat. She hadn't expected that answer.
If Ruan Mei could accept it, then...
"But Kiana, can you guarantee that you won't change?"
Ruan Mei's tone remained calm, her expression as composed as ever.
"I..."
"Think carefully about what I just said," Ruan Mei interrupted before Kiana could make a hasty promise. "I can accept staying as we are."
After all, she hadn't originally thought this far ahead. If Acheron hadn't appeared and sparked a series of unexpected thoughts, she never would've had this conversation with Kiana at all.
In a way, their thoughts overlapped more than either realized.
Think carefully about what she said? She's willing to stay as they are?
Kiana blinked in disbelief, her heart skipping a beat. The tone in Ruan Mei's words carried a meaning she wasn't sure she could trust.
After a long pause, under Ruan Mei's steady gaze, Kiana finally asked, her voice trembling slightly, "Ruan... what do you really think?"
"I already told you," Ruan Mei said softly, lowering her gaze to where Kiana's hand still clutched her wrist. "I've grown used to having you by my side. I can't tolerate the idea of you leaving."
"I... I don't really understand."
Kiana's palms were sweating, her breath uneven. Fighting the turmoil in her chest, she whispered, "I'm not very smart, Ruan. Could you... say it more clearly?"
More clearly?
Ruan Mei could tell that Kiana already understood what she meant—yet she was still pretending not to.
Was it disbelief?
Or something else?
"I want you to stay by my side, just like before," Ruan Mei said plainly. "That's all I care about. I don't want you to leave because of someone else—or anything else. As long as you stay, that's enough for me. Beyond that, nothing else matters. I don't care."
Kiana froze, her suspicions confirmed. Her thoughts went blank for a moment as her heart thudded wildly.
She suddenly remembered that time Ruan Mei had asked if she wanted to marry her. Kiana had mentioned Mei then, saying she could never abandon her—and Ruan Mei's only response had been a puzzled 'So what?'
Now she understood.
'So what?' really meant 'I don't care.'
Even Acheron could never have imagined that Ruan Mei would approach love in such an unorthodox way.
She truly didn't care—nor would she waste her time and energy worrying about something like that.
This, for Ruan Mei, was already the extent of what she could offer.
Because she wasn't... normal.
She wouldn't spend her life entangled in emotional struggles. If Kiana still couldn't make a choice—or if she chose to reject her—then...
"You... don't care? You really don't?"
Kiana stared at her, barely daring to breathe. "About... you and Raiden Mei?"
Ruan Mei met her eyes without flinching. "I care a little," she admitted calmly. "But as I said—I only care about the result I want."
"Even if I still like Mei?"
Ruan Mei gave her a light glance—calm as ever—but Kiana could sense a faint trace of displeasure behind that serenity.
Though slightly annoyed, Ruan Mei's voice remained level. "Your relationship with her has nothing to do with me."
She understood everything—she simply couldn't feel the same way. Emotions were things she could analyze, even comprehend, but never truly experience.
Over the past two years, under Kiana's influence, she had been forced to learn what emotions meant—but only when it came to Kiana.
"N-no problem?"
Kiana blinked. Something about this sounded off—like Ruan Mei was leading her astray.
"Your feelings for her are your own concern," Ruan Mei replied. "I only care about what I want."
That... didn't sound wrong, technically.
Wait—no, that was completely wrong!
Kiana stared at her in disbelief. Was that even logical?
Ruan Mei still had Kiana's wrist in her grasp, so she could clearly sense the storm of incredulous thoughts swirling in the girl's mind.
Inside, Kiana was practically screaming. Every half-formed thought that surfaced was tangled and breathless.
Who even thinks like this?!
But then again, Ruan Mei was never normal. Kiana had known that for a long time.
It would be wonderful if it were just the two of them.
But Kiana had known Raiden Mei for so long—she understood that Mei was someone she could never let go of.
And since that was the truth, what more was there to say?
Facts were facts. Kiana's feelings were unchangeable. So why should Ruan Mei waste her time struggling over something that had no solution?
There was a far simpler answer.
Why waste energy fighting a battle she couldn't win when she could simply choose to stop caring?
If she had nothing else to occupy her time, she might have considered fighting for Kiana anyway—just to see where it led.
But she was busy.
"It seems you understand me perfectly now," Ruan Mei said. "If there's ever something you don't understand, you can ask me directly."
This method of communication—reading her thoughts—was far more efficient. There was no need to interpret tone or guess hidden meanings.
Kiana forced a shaky smile.
She still felt dazed.
This should have been good news—great news. She should've been ecstatic.
But Ruan Mei's words had stunned her so deeply that her mind refused to process anything else.
She had always known that Ruan Mei thought differently from most people—but she had never felt that difference quite so strongly until now.
"Get some rest. Don't forget, we're leaving for that planet you mentioned—Jarilo—tomorrow."
"Oh..."
Kiana snapped out of her daze, forcing herself to focus. Remembering tomorrow's departure helped her pull her thoughts back together.
Stop overthinking.
If Ruan Mei didn't mind, then why should she?
Shaking off the last of her shock, she smiled faintly. "Then I won't bother you anymore, Ruan. You should rest too."
Ruan Mei's words had reminded her—if her mind was this jumbled, maybe a good night's sleep would clear it all up.
So much had happened today.
She needed rest.
But when she turned to leave, she realized Ruan Mei still hadn't released her hand.
Thinking the older woman still had something to say, Kiana obediently waited.
Two whole minutes passed.
"Ruan? Did you want to tell me something?" she asked hesitantly.
"You don't have to leave," Ruan Mei said at last.
"Eh?"
Kiana's eyes widened. The shock that had just faded returned full force.
That... didn't sound right.
"Just like before," Ruan Mei clarified.
Not leave? Like before?
"We've been apart for so long," Ruan Mei said evenly. "Don't you want to sleep beside me again?"
The words were normal—simple, even.
But now, with everything that had changed between them, those same words carried a weight, a tone, that hadn't existed before.
Even though Kiana knew exactly what Ruan Mei meant, her thoughts still went astray, and a flush of embarrassment crept up her cheeks.
Indeed.
Because Mei was nearby, Kiana had been careful to keep her distance—on the way back, she hadn't dared act too familiar with Ruan Mei.
They hadn't been physically close for quite some time—not since they parted ways at the Herta Space Station.
Sensing the thoughts in Kiana's mind, Ruan Mei blinked once in mild surprise, but her face remained calm and unreadable.
Would she refuse?
After all, Mei was waiting for her.
Kiana was the one who had brought Mei here, and this place was unfamiliar to her. It was only right for Kiana to keep her company.
But still... Ruan had invited her herself.
And Ruan had even compromised—she didn't care about her and Mei's relationship at all...
Ruan Mei didn't press her. She simply observed Kiana's indecision, making no effort to act like one of the involved parties in this situation.
"Could you wait a little for me?" Kiana said after a moment of thought. "Mei's still waiting. I'll go tell her first."
"Go ahead," Ruan Mei replied, releasing her hand and giving a small nod. "I'll wait for you."
Kiana exhaled in relief. "Then wait for me—I'll be right back."
Ruan Mei watched her hurry out of the room. Gently rubbing the hand that had held Kiana's wrist, she could still feel the warmth lingering in her palm.
"So indecisive," she murmured to herself.
She had been perfectly clear. In the future, perhaps it would be best to keep Kiana away from situations that required her to make choices.
Then, another thought crossed her mind.
Ruan Mei's eyes lifted toward one of the walls. Her gaze seemed to pierce through the layers of barriers until it reached Raiden Mei, who was in Kiana's room.
"Raiden Mei, huh?"
She had to admit—ever since Kiana had said 'Even if I like Mei?', her perception of that woman had changed.
It was a new kind of emotion—something unfamiliar and oddly fascinating.
Perhaps this feeling would become more frequent in the future.
Ruan Mei shook her head slightly, dismissing the thought. There was no need to dwell on it. She would deal with such things when the time came.
As for Kiana, she practically floated back to her room—her mind anxious and hazy all at once.
It wasn't until the door automatically opened at her presence that she finally came back to her senses.
Acheron was still awake.
She was seated quietly, reading through Kiana's journal—the one Kiana had shared when talking about her blank period.
Back when she hadn't regained her memories, she had developed the habit of writing in a journal, as her memory loss had been gradual.
"I'm back," Kiana said softly.
Acheron looked up, her lips curving slightly. She set the book aside and said gently, "Welcome back."
"How did your talk with Ruan Mei go?"
She had guessed that Ruan Mei had called Kiana over to discuss that particular topic.
"Ruan said she doesn't mind," Kiana replied.
That answer hadn't been anywhere in Acheron's expectations—but it came out of Kiana's mouth all the same.
The smile slowly faded from her face.
"She doesn't mind?"