Chapter 36: Unease Under the Light of Happiness
Was Hitori concerned about how Ren knew Satou?
Not particularly. In her eyes, Ren was outstanding in both appearance and character, so it was perfectly normal for him to know people she didn't or had never met.
The only thing that bothered her was Satou's direct confession. Faced with such a formidable rival, she had no idea how to respond.
She trusted that Ren wouldn't cheat, but she feared she couldn't withstand the pressure. If it came to a fight for his affection, she might be so terrified she'd melt away.
She couldn't win. There was simply no way she could win.
So even after Ren told her about Satou during lunch break, she still felt uneasy inside.
But fortunately, she wasn't alone anymore. She had friends she could confide in.
Thus, after school ended in the afternoon and she arrived at Kessoku Band, Hitori clung to Nijika as if grabbing a lifeline.
"Shouldn't you prioritize going home to discuss this with your mom? But since it's Bocchi-chan, even though I don't have much romantic experience, I'll do my best to help you!"
Nijika was somewhat happy when she learned Hitori had come to her for relationship advice—this was something you wouldn't even encounter at school. After all, who would seek advice from someone who'd never been in a relationship?
"Bocchi-chan, why not just break up with Ren?"
After pondering for a moment, Ryo offered a completely different suggestion.
If Nijika advocated for reconciliation over separation, Ryo was all for separation over reconciliation.
This wasn't nonsense but a carefully considered opinion.
It wasn't very obvious now since Ren's social circle was still limited to the school vicinity, and most people he knew were students, so his various strengths hadn't fully manifested yet.
Once he entered society and expanded his social network, encountering more people, individuals like Matsuzaka Satou wouldn't decrease.
If just one Satou could make Hitori this anxious, Ryo believed it would be better to break up now rather than face endless anxiety when more rivals like "Matsuzaka Marshmallow" appeared later, prolonging Hitori's distress indefinitely.
"Don't say such discouraging things! Bocchi-chan is about to crawl into the trash can!"
Hearing this, Nijika angrily tapped Ryo's head. Ryo's words were too harsh and realistic; after listening, Hitori had already transformed into a "wild hammer snake" and was crawling toward the trash can in search of safety.
"Wahh~ I was just telling the truth~" Ryo covered her head and fake-cried, then continued, "Actually, there's another solution unique to us band girls. Bocchi-chan, if you don't know what to do when a rival or a bad woman tries to get close to Ren, defend your beloved with your guitar."
Saying this, Ryo mimed holding a guitar high above her head and slamming it down.
"That's way too rock 'n' roll! And if you really did that, Bocchi-chan would end up in jail!"
Seeing that Ryo was still not taking things seriously, Nijika tapped her head again. This time, Ryo was genuinely in too much pain to speak—never underestimate a drummer's hand strength.
"..."
Hitori didn't reply but instead pondered the feasibility. A guitar could protect more than just her dreams; perhaps it could even protect Ren.
But hitting someone with a guitar seems like a criminal act, right? If you become a criminal, there's no way you'd win Ren's affection, right?
The discussion continued, but Hitori never felt very confident about it.
As for Ren, could he not see through Hitori's thoughts when she was so easy to read? He had already said and done all he could; the rest was up to Hitori herself.
He had considered that someone with social anxiety might be hard to approach and that the feedback in a relationship would be less than with a normal person, but he never expected her to panic so much when a pseudo-rival appeared.
Ren really didn't know how to solve this, because the insecurity came from within Hitori. All he could do now was help Hitori grow and keep his own conduct clean to avoid misunderstandings.
...
"Ren, why aren't you hanging out with Bocchi-chan today?"
Anon, who had noticed Ren's curtains were open when she got home, came into his room and asked curiously about his relationship progress.
"We can't stick together every day. She went to Shimokitazawa for band activities. What about you? Haven't you sorted out your band yet?"
Ren gave a brief explanation. While having a girlfriend was nice, games weren't bad either. Balancing the two was an art, and considering Hitori's situation, he didn't want to pressure her by following her around all the time, so he came home to play games instead.
"Don't even ask. I feel like my band is a bit weird, and I'm not sure if we can even form it properly."
Anon's face fell immediately, and she started venting to Ren about her recent experiences.
She originally wanted to be both the lead vocalist and lead guitarist, but the first member she recruited, Takamatsu Tomori, could only sing—so, just like that, the vocalist position was gone.
Fine, she could still be the lead guitarist, but her skills were so poor that the prospective drummer, Shiina Taki, put immense pressure on her, almost driving her to shut down completely. If it weren't for the saintly Nagasaki Soyo constantly smoothing things over, she probably would have argued with Rikki multiple times already.
"If forming a band is this hard, can Bocchi-chan really handle it?"
Thinking about her own unpleasant experiences, Anon couldn't help but worry about Hitori. She'd come to realize that band members tended to be eccentric—though it might sound prejudiced, their personalities all seemed to have issues in one way or another.
"She's had much better luck than you. Maybe you could spend more time with her at Kessoku Band and learn from her band's experience?"
Listening to Anon's complaints and thinking about Nijika and the others, Ren felt it was just the way of the world. At least Ryo, though also eccentric, wasn't unbearable—just thick-skinned and fond of borrowing money.
"I could, but I'm already home and really don't feel like going out."
Anon said wearily, both physically and mentally exhausted. She hadn't expected band activities to be so draining and unenjoyable, but it was the path she'd chosen, and she wasn't ready to give up yet.
Still, today she had used an excuse to skip organizing activities and come home to rest. Once home, she had no desire to go out at all.
"I can take you there tomorrow on my way."
"Can't it be now?"
"Right now? Well, it's not impossible."
Torn between gaming and women, Ren contemplated for a moment before ultimately betraying his games. Truthfully, he was somewhat concerned about Hitori's mental state and decided to drag the archangel Anon along to help comfort her.
"Really?"
"What else?"
Now that he had a car without worrying about fuel consumption, Ren had no reservations about going out—after all, it was the tires rolling, not him walking.
They hit it off immediately and headed to Kessoku Band together.
Seeing Ren and Anon, the unease in Hitori's heart eased considerably.
But only after being startled by Satou did it dawn on her: although Anon was a very gentle person, she was Ren's childhood friend—and more outgoing and lively than Hitori. By all accounts, shouldn't Anon be her biggest rival in love?!
"Huh? Bocchi-chan, why are you melting again?!"
Just as Anon was about to seek advice from Kessoku Band, she was startled to see Hitori suddenly transform into a writhing snake-like creature and hurriedly checked on her.
"Probably too nervous, Bocchi-chan. Are you okay?"
Seeing this, Ren walked over, scooped Hitori into his palm, and gently stroked her. After a while, Hitori returned to normal, tightly clutching Ren's hand.
"Much better..."
Hitori whispered in reply. Previously immersed in happiness, she hadn't noticed these things, but now that she had, the fear in her heart grew even deeper.
It was the same old issue: Hitori's inferiority and lack of confidence made her doubt whether she was worthy of Ren.
So much so that when a rival appeared, her first instinct was to retreat rather than assert her claim and dissuade the other from trying to steal him away.
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