Upon the day when Christopher was moving to college, Lena had decided that she didn't actually hate her brother. He was older than her, yet he looked so small, so lost, standing there. Just a moment ago they had all been standing in his room. Usually the entrance was forbidden, even to mom. But he needed help moving everything to the car, and so they had found themselves standing on the once forbidden ground.
It didn't look like his room- not just because they were there, or the now empty shelves. The room was disorganized. Once, everything had been laid out as impeccably as if it had been a museum- so organized that she wouldn't have been surprised if her brother had cataloged even the smallest bits of dust in the perfect room.
But now everything was packed: Boxes filled with clothes, shoes, books and so on. And in the midst of it all was him' Christopher, looking remarkably lost. He stood stiff like the soldier figures they packed earlier into the box labeled 'Toys', he didn't even fidget.
Mom and Dad, with Aubrey after them, were making a mess in the living room, trying to find the camera. From the looks of it earlier, Mother was about to cry, and the camera was merely an excuse to compose herself somewhere not in front of Christopher, so as not to upset him. A dance they were all used to by now.
Only Lena had stayed, studying her brother and wondering.
How could he seem so small? He was four years older than her, pretty tall and bulky. Yet with that look upon his face he seemed small enough that she wanted to put him in her pocket and keep him there, safe.
She wondered if that was what mom had seen when she looked at him.
The once little boy, sensitive, with no friends, who remind silent until he was four- Instead of the tall handsome figure of a soon to be man- polite, smart and soft spoken.
She didn't take his hand in hers- as he would hate that, and didn't hug him either, of course. Instead, she went back to the box marked 'Toys', the one she thought maybe he shouldn't take to college. But of course, he would need to organize his stuff to resemble this room. Dad would be staying with him for a week or so, making sure everything was in place, and also keeping the peace, as mother would go mad from worry if Christopher would start there alone. She took out one toy, a stuffy old one called Bibo. It was supposed to be a dinosaur, though it looked more like a greenish bear, and it was the first toy he had named. She handed it to him slowly. He didn't seem to notice as she got it out, and she didn't want to startle him, as could happen when he was lost in thoughts like that. "Bibo?" she asked gently, and he took it embracing the toy. "Am I silly?" he asked so softly she wasn't sure whether he was talking to her or the doll. "Chrissi?" she asked, and he looked up, locking his grey eyes to her brown and then looking away. As a child he was told that you needed to make eye contact so the person you were referring to would know you were speaking to him. He did so by first staring into your soul and then looking away. Just one of his many oddities. "To be going away" he continued. "To be nineteen but still needing old toys and books and stuff" the way that he was looking away while talking to you could drive her crazy sometimes, but she found it calming now, as she took her time organizing her thoughts. She wasn't used to him opening up to her, or to anyone at all. He didn't mind or didn't notice the time she took before answering him. Big pauses during conversation was something he often did, and he didn't care to rush others.
"I don't think you are silly, Christopher" Ishe said at last. He reminded her of a cat, sometimes. You could tell he was listening to you, though he refused to turn towards you. Little signs, a tilt of the head, would tell you you were heard. "I actually think you are rather brave! Yes you are taking with you a bunch of old shit, who cares? Christopher- nobody would even notice. People would bring wireder things to decotate their rooms, you'd see. And if you do meet somebody who cares enough to notice, if he is nice make him your friend- and tell him it calms you and brings you structre, and if he is rude to you- just push him down some stairs" he had titled his head to the side and scratch his ear, which told her he was smiling. "I had promised mom I wouldn't do it again" he said and turned to her. She was smiling but her smile faded as she saw that he was crying. "You are brave" she said, and moved a bit closer, taking the hand of Bibo the toy. "You are brave and kind and smart. And you don't need mom or dad or me or anyone to succeed. You stand up for yourself. You always did. And if you do end up needing something- I am one phone call away, okay? Remmerber, I didn't make that promise to mom" He smiled his weird smile again, and she wondered how could she ever hated him. The answer of course, came rushing through the door but a moment later.
Mom entered, having found the camera. It had also seemed that she put make up on again, maybe even perfume. "Oh my perfect boy" she said and embraced Christopher, Squeezing Bibo between them. Dad and Aubrey entered after her. Christopher had taken a step back and brushed the squeeze doll. He looked unconfutable again. Mom was very good at advocating for him. He was different, she had called him 'special' or 'extra sensitive', and rushed to tell people not to touch him. She was very bad at following her own rules, it seemed. "I remember the day you first named this little dinosaur, do you remember, Ray?" her father nodded to her mother but didn't replay. If he would she would likely cut him off, resuming her speech. He was a quiet man. Lena didn't know if he had always been one or had the years being married to her mom influenced him to be so. "It was about a week or so after you started speaking for the first time, very exciting. I was back from the hospital and took you on a little trip while your dad here watched Lena". She stood not that far away from Lena but it took her mom a moment too long to find her in the room. She smiled to her then and resumed the story. She looked away so quickly that she entirely missed the fake smile that Lena had given in return. He said his first words the day she was born. Her father used to say people in the hospital were worried that mom had gone crazy as she was constantly saying 'my baby, he spoke to me!' as they were rushing her to give birth. Mom was still speaking "and so I grabbed you that toy and I said if my boy says toy and points to this one I don't care how much it costs, and on the way home you were hugging him and you were so happy. Then you named it Bibo and put it next to your sister!" she again took a moment to find her in the room and smiled. Lena hadn't moved, yet it did took her mom a minute of active search, like she forgot. "And I realized you were saying baby! As you wanted to have your own little one, just like your mother" she embraced him again and this time he kept one hand aside holding Bibo away from her. "that's nice mother" he had said and hugged her with the other arm. "oh- get in here" she said and motioned to where dad and Aubrey were standing. Anxious to keep Bibo from getting smooshed again Christopher pushed it into Lena's arms, which was some kind of honor, and they all shared a giant group hug. "my baby is going off to college, would you believe it Ray?" Her father didn't replay, perhaps he didn't believe. They hugged for a full twenty seconds- Christopher was silently counting, while she was holding Bibo, feeling like an intruder. Then her mother looked at her. "oh honey, quickly- get the camera" she had said, and turned all the huggers towards the entrance. Perhaps, Lena had wondered as she took the damn picture, it was never Christopher that she resented.