Home smelled the same.
Rice cooking in the kitchen.
Laundry drying near the balcony.
The faint smell of the wooden cupboard my mother had been asking my father to replace for years.
Nothing had changed.
Not even the slippers near the entrance, which somehow always ended up in the wrong places.
I left my bag beside my room and checked my phone.
Before lying down, I sent Saki a message.
reached home
She replied with a sticker.
A small character waving both hands.
I smiled and lay down on the bed.
For the first time in weeks, there was nothing I needed to study.
No examination the next morning.
No assignments waiting to be submitted.
No Ryota shouting across Room 123.
Just home.
I closed my eyes.
My phone vibrated again.
This time, it was the group chat.
Ryota
WHO'S HOME
Takumi
me
Haruto
unfortunately
Ryota
why unfortunately 😭
Haruto
my mother asked about my results
Takumi
results aren't even out yet
Haruto
exactly
I laughed.
Another message appeared.
Riku
i've watched three movies since coming home
Ryota
it's been one day
Riku
i'm catching up on my education
Shun
you watched movies during finals too
Riku
that was different
Shun
how
Riku
the semester was ending
I put my phone down.
For a moment, I could almost hear them arguing in the room.
Winter break had barely started.
I already missed it a little.
◇◇◇
The first few days passed without much happening.
I woke up late.
Ate whatever was available.
Watched television with my father, usually without agreeing on what to watch.
My mother complained that I spent too much time on my phone.
I told her I was talking to my friends.
She asked why I couldn't talk to them when I was sitting in the same room as them.
I didn't have a convincing answer.
At home, time moved differently.
At university, even doing nothing somehow became an activity. Someone would walk into the room, someone else would suggest going to the conbini, and before long, the whole evening would disappear.
Here, an afternoon could pass without anyone noticing.
I thought I'd enjoy that more.
I did.
Mostly.
◇◇◇
On the fourth day of winter break, Saki sent me a photograph of her lunch.
A bowl of rice.
Miso soup.
A small plate of vegetables.
Saki
my mom says i don't eat enough vegetables
I looked at the picture.
there are literally vegetables in the picture
she says it's not enough
how many vegetables does she want you to eat 😭
all of them apparently
I laughed.
good luck
you're not helping
i'm emotionally supporting you
😂
I put my phone down and went back to watching television.
A few minutes later, I picked it up again.
There was no new message.
I checked the time.
Then the weather.
Then the group chat.
Then, for reasons I couldn't explain, I opened my conversation with Saki again.
The last message was still her laughing emoji.
I stared at it for a moment before locking my phone.
Neither of us had said anything about the night I got home.
It wasn't as though we had anything important to talk about.
We were just messaging.
That was all.
◇◇◇
Later that evening, I went for a walk around my neighbourhood.
The streets were quieter than I remembered.
A bicycle leaned against the wall outside a small shop. Someone was watering the plants on their balcony, even though the sun had already gone down.
I stopped at a vending machine and bought a can of coffee.
It was colder outside than I'd expected.
My phone vibrated while I was opening the can.
Saki
what are you doing?
I looked around.
walking
alone?
yeah
isn't it cold?
I glanced at the coffee in my hand.
a little
then why are you outside 😭
needed some air
ohh
A few seconds passed.
i miss walking around campus
I read that message twice.
even though it's winter?
especially because it's winter
how does that make sense
it doesn't have to 😂
I smiled.
I could picture her walking along the path behind the main buildings, hands tucked into her coat pockets, complaining about the cold.
For a moment, I wanted to be back there too.
Not because I missed the lectures.
Definitely not because I missed finals.
I just missed how ordinary everything had felt.
I typed a reply.
we can walk around when we get back
She answered almost immediately.
okay 😊
I stood beside the vending machine for a little longer.
Then I finished my coffee and headed home.
◇◇◇
A few days later, the group chat became active again.
Ryota
guys
IMPORTANT QUESTION
Takumi
no
Ryota
I HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED
Haruto
I've accepted my fate.
Riku
what happened now
Ryota
WHAT ARE WE DOING WHEN WE GET BACK
Shun
attending classes
Ryota
i hate all of you
Takumi
you asked
Ryota
i meant something fun
Riku
movie night?
Ryota
YOU WATCH MOVIES EVERY DAY
Riku
and?
Daichi
let's go somewhere nice
Haruto
how nice?
Daichi
there's a restaurant near the station
Ryota
how expensive?
Daichi
why does that matter
Shun
no
Takumi
no
Haruto
no
I laughed so hard that my mother looked into my room to see what had happened.
"Nothing," I told her.
She stared at me suspiciously before returning to the kitchen.
Another message appeared.
Ren
i have a movie idea
Ryota
no
Ren
you haven't heard it
Ryota
exactly
Ren
it's about a guy who wakes up one morning and discovers that every person in the world has forgotten what a door is
Takumi
what
Ren
and he has to teach humanity how to open doors again
Shun
why
Ren
that's the mystery
I put my phone down, still laughing.
For the next twenty minutes, the chat became an argument about whether Ren's movie would be a comedy, a psychological thriller, or a documentary about our university.
Winter break was beginning to feel a little less quiet.
◇◇◇
One afternoon, my mother asked me to help her sort through some old things.
We spent nearly an hour opening drawers, moving boxes, and finding objects nobody remembered buying.
An old calculator.
A broken pair of headphones.
A stack of notebooks from school.
She picked one up and flipped through it.
"You used to write so much."
"That was school."
"You never write anything now?"
I shrugged.
"Sometimes."
She looked at me for a moment, then put the notebook back.
"Don't throw these away yet."
I carried the remaining boxes into the cupboard.
Later, I sat at my desk and opened my laptop.
I had intended to do something productive.
Perhaps study a little.
Perhaps start reading one of the books I'd brought home.
Instead, I opened LINE.
The last thing in my conversation with Saki was still two red hearts.
Neither of us had mentioned them since.
I scrolled past them.
Further up were complaints about exams.
Pictures of food.
Random jokes.
The occasional late-night conversation that began with one of us asking whether the other was still awake.
And there it was.
The photograph.
The two of us beneath the bare trees.
Her shoulder touching mine.
My expression, which really did look more serious than it needed to.
I smiled.
Then I scrolled down again.
There was nothing new.
I closed the conversation and returned to my laptop.
For some reason, I couldn't remember what I'd intended to do.
◇◇◇
The days continued.
I helped my mother with groceries.
Watched a movie with my father.
Called my grandmother to ask whether she needed anything.
She said she didn't.
Then spent fifteen minutes telling me about the neighbour who had bought a new car.
I listened.
At night, I stayed awake longer than I should have.
Sometimes I talked to my friends.
Sometimes I watched videos.
Sometimes I did nothing at all.
And sometimes, Saki and I messaged each other.
Nothing extraordinary.
One day, she complained about being dragged shopping by her mother.
Another day, I sent her a picture of the terrible dinner I'd attempted to make for myself.
She said it looked edible.
I told her that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me.
She sent a laughing sticker.
It was all very ordinary.
I liked that.
◇◇◇
The results were supposed to be released sometime during the break.
Nobody knew the exact time.
The university had posted a notice on the student portal a few weeks earlier, but none of us had paid much attention to it.
Until Ryota did.
It was just after lunch when the group chat started buzzing.
Ryota
GUYS
RESULTS ARE OUT
For a few seconds, nobody replied.
Then—
Haruto
what
Takumi
no
Riku
check again
Ryota
I AM LOOKING AT THEM RIGHT NOW
Haruto
i've accepted my fate
Shun
you haven't opened the portal yet
Haruto
i know what is coming
I opened the university website on my laptop.
The login page took forever to load.
I entered my student ID and password.
The page refreshed.
Then a small table appeared on the screen.
My grades.
I looked through them once.
Then again.
I'd passed everything.
Not spectacularly.
Not badly either.
Just enough to make the hours spent studying feel worthwhile.
My phone vibrated.
Ryota
EVERYONE REPORT
Takumi
passed
Shun
passed
Ryota
WHY ARE YOU ALL SO CALM
Shun
because we passed
Ryota
I KNOW THAT
I smiled.
Then another message appeared.
Haruto
...
Ryota
HARUTO
Takumi
don't scare us
Haruto
wait
Riku
what does wait mean
Haruto
I'M READING
Nobody sent anything for several seconds.
Then—
Haruto
passed
Ryota
THAT'S IT?
Haruto
what do you want me to say
Ryota
YOU'VE BEEN ACCEPTING YOUR FATE FOR THREE WEEKS
Haruto
apparently my fate was passing
Takumi
tragic
Shun
devastating
Riku
someone make a movie about this
I laughed.
Haruto sent a sticker of a man collapsing dramatically.
Then Ryota started demanding screenshots of everyone's results, which immediately led to everyone telling him to mind his own business.
The chat continued for another half hour.
By the end of it, we'd established three things.
Nobody had failed.
Haruto's pessimism remained incurable.
And Ryota had somehow managed to spend forty minutes discussing everyone else's grades without telling us his own.
When we finally cornered him, he sent a screenshot.
He'd passed too.
He claimed he'd been saving the best for last.
Nobody believed him.
◇◇◇
That evening, Saki messaged me.
Saki
did you check your results?
yeah
how did you do?
passed everything
yayyy 😊
you?
passed too
see? nothing to worry about
easy for you to say now 😂
I laughed.
you were worried too
i never said i wasn't
I paused.
Then typed—
we should celebrate when we get back
She replied a few seconds later.
how?
I hadn't thought that far ahead.
something with food
that's your solution to everything
it works
hahaha
Then—
okay 😊
I stared at that last message for a moment.
It wasn't a plan, exactly.
We hadn't decided where to go or when.
Still, I found myself looking forward to it.
I closed LINE and returned to the group chat, where Ryota was now arguing that passing every subject deserved a university-wide holiday.
Haruto suggested he submit a formal request.
Shun asked whether Ryota planned to write it himself.
Ryota said he was the idea guy.
Nobody was surprised.
◇◇◇
On the last evening before we returned to university, the group chat started filling up again.
Ryota
TOMORROW
Takumi
unfortunately
Haruto
I've accepted my fate.
Shun
you passed the exams already
Haruto
university is a continuous process of suffering
Riku
that's actually a good movie title
Ren
i have a better one
Ryota
NO
I smiled and closed the chat.
My bag was open on the floor.
I folded my clothes and placed them inside, leaving the textbooks until last.
The room was beginning to look like it had before I left.
My mother knocked on the door.
"Everything packed?"
"Almost."
"Don't forget anything."
"I won't."
She nodded and left.
I looked at my phone.
A message had arrived.
Saki
going back tomorrow?
yeah
morning train?
yep
me too
I smiled.
see you tomorrow then
see you 😊
I put the phone down and finished packing.
Outside, someone was calling a child home for dinner.
A television played in the next room.
The familiar sounds of home carried on as though nothing was about to change.
I zipped up my bag.
Winter break had been quiet.
A little too quiet, perhaps.
But I had slept well.
Eaten properly.
Spent time with my family.
And somewhere in the middle of all those ordinary days, I'd started looking forward to going back.
Not to the lectures.
Not to the examinations.
Not even to the familiar conbini runs with the others.
There was someone I wanted to see.
I turned off the desk lamp.
Tomorrow, we'd be back at Seishin.
And the semester would begin again.