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Chapter 4 - Chapter 4: Hunger Roads

Morning came with a thin bite and the plain honesty of frost. The roofs were white to their eaves, the lanes rutted glass, every fence post rimmed as if the night had been tracing the village's outline to remember it better. The boy woke before the light had its color and lay still for a breath, listening: his mother's uneven sleep, his sister's small turn beneath a blanket, the hut's old timbers exhaling as the cold leaned on them. There was work to do that was not the day's. He rose without creak and put his hands to it.

He began at the roof. The thatch had learned bad habits in a dozen storms, and he knew each one the way a hand knows its own scars. He climbed with twine in his teeth, a bone needle in his pocket, and a bundle of dry reeds over his shoulder. The frost stung until his fingers forgot they were his; then they remembered again with a slow heat that meant they would serve. He pressed fresh reeds into gaps no one but water would have found, stitched them snug, and laid the thatch down as if tucking a child against weather. When he finished one seam, he checked two more. A drip tomorrow would carry his name even if no mouth spoke it.

He came down to the yard and mended what would not wait: the latch that lifted in a hard wind, the shutter that rattled, the bucket hoop that had started to spread. He shaved a new peg for the door and drove it home until the wood sang its small approval. He set aside a handful of pegs wrapped in cloth—future problems' enemies, ready. Beside the wall he stacked split wood higher than his shoulder, ends turned to shed rain, a second stack under the eave for days when even stepping outside would be a kind of defeat. He checked the kindling basket and filled it with offcuts so thin that one struck against another would think itself spark.

His sister stirred when the kettle sighed. He set water to warm and worked quietly, slicing yesterday's bread into thinner breakfast and saving the thicker heel for a pocket. She watched him over the rim of her cup, eyes clear with the kind of knowing that makes words clumsy.

"You're fixing what isn't broken," she said at last.

"It will be," he answered, and blew on his tea.

She nodded, an argument she chose not to lift. "The hedge-woman?" she asked.

He touched the twist of paper in his pocket with two fingers. "I'll bring more willow. And ask for mint if she'll spare it."

His mother woke with the pale flinch of pain's first claim. He knelt and lifted her knee into his palms like a fragile thing he could will into strength. The bitter powder smudged the air, the willow's tea steeped dark, and the line between his mother's brows smoothed by breaths. "Thank you," she whispered, and the two words lodged where he kept what kept him.

He washed the bowls, set them to dry where the sun would find them later, and wrote a list on the door with the edge of a nail—three little notches one above the other where only he would see them. Kindling. Roof edge. South fence. It wasn't ink. It would not hold. But making a mark made a promise inside him that could not be rubbed out.

By mid-morning he walked the village's seam. At the widow's he tightened a hinge that had learned to speak too loudly; at the well he braced the beam for two old men who pretended they did not need him; at the Taverner's he checked the patch he had set in the wall and smoothed its edge until it felt like continuity. He left a basket of kindling where Old Mara's stoop gathered damp and did not wait for her complaint to curdle into thanks or something that thought it was.

Bram and his knot of boys had found a patch of sun on a fence rail and were making a meal of it. When they saw him they traded looks the way dogs trade a bone to make it last.

"Ox-boy," Bram called, mouth made careless by warmth. "Come carry me to the square, my feet are terrible tired." Laughter, not mean enough to bleed him but meant to.

He kept walking. There are fences you mend and fences you step around. Bram called something else he did not bother to carry to his ears. It fell behind like chaff in a crosswind. Ahead, a child's kite had lost its mind in a hedgerow and the string made a snare around everything green. He freed it, rewound the line, and put the loop into the child's hand without advice. The kite went up obedient as a bird that had decided rescue might earn a second flight.

At the hedge-woman's he traded his back for bark. Her eyes counted his steps and weighed the things he did not say.

"You've packed your stubbornness," she said, turning a jar as if it might confess. "Good. Stubbornness keeps better than bread."

He passed her two neatly bundled hours—the leanto's ribs reset true, her woodpile squared, the loose plank under her stoop fixed so her ankle would not find it in the dark. She pinched more willow into a twist of paper and, after a look around as if to be certain no one would see her kindness and judge it, added a small knot of dried mint and a bit of waxed cloth.

"For drafts," she said. "Not everything that steals breath is a fever." Then, when he pocketed both, she tapped his sleeve. "Roads are proud. Ask them, don't order. And if the sky looks empty, it only means it keeps its hooks high. Don't expect generosity from height. Take it if it comes, but don't make plans around it."

He nodded. "I'd take the ground's permission first."

"That's the kind that holds," she said, satisfied, and waved him out with a flick of her fingers that pretended impatience. "Go on. There's a fence somewhere embarrassed to be falling."

He found it at the south end, where the posts had been pretending for months. He dug out frost-hard earth with a stick until the holes admitted they were holes, set stones around the posts' feet, and tamped the ground back with the patience of a man making a promise to rain. When he straightened, the world had gained a little more truth.

He gathered what a road asks without asking for you: a coil of rope looped twice, a knife honed until it whispered when he tested a thumb's hair, a length of waxed linen for blisters and breaks, a scrap of flint, a strip of tallow, a handful of nails, a half loaf wrapped in cloth, a water-skin set to brim at the well. He went to the traveling sellers and turned over their glitter with the look of a man finding the tool in the gewgaw. In a corner of a stall he found an awl with a wooden handle worn into a shape another hand had taught it. He traded two mornings' labor he had not yet lived and didn't wait for the ringed man's smirk to cut.

"Planning to stitch the road together if it comes apart?" the seller asked, amused.

"If it does," he said, and the man's amusement slipped away from him like a fish.

He mended his boots by the fire at midday with the new awl, punching holes true, pulling waxed thread through in neat crosses that would not brag until they were miles old. He rubbed the leather with tallow until it drank and shone and remembered supple. He tested the fit, stood, and let his weight decide. The boots agreed in their quiet way.

He ate what was left of the bread heel with an onion so sharp it made his eyes argue with him about what kind of men cry over food, and he decided not to win. Tears, after all, have their uses. He finished with a drink so long from the well that his ribs felt like barrels filled true.

Afternoon he spent guarding without seeming to. He walked his sister to the well and waited in the shade that looked like a man idling but had its attention tied to the line of the lane. Bram passed, mouth primed, but found the boy's eyes first—calm, not challenging, clear as a sky that has already decided weather—and chose another arc around the square. His sister did not look at him until after Bram had gone. Then she bumped his arm with the kind of gratitude that doesn't want to be pointed at. He nodded, which was the same as you're welcome when words might make a thing too bright to handle.

He sat with his mother and let the talk be small. She spoke of a hen that had learned to sleep in the attic because some sly thing took hens that slept lower, and of a patch of moss by the well that looked like a map of the Heartlands if the Heartlands were kinder. He told her the roof would not leak in the next storm and believed the words not because roofs keep promises but because he had set the thatch down as if it mattered to the sky. When the willow and the work had eased her knee enough that sleep would not bite it, he tucked the blanket around her and kept watch until her breath went steady.

As the light thinned he walked the lanes to the village's edges, taking measure with his eyes. North: the pines that had learned to lean together against a wind that carved them. East: a ridge that looked like a jaw, teeth set and patient. West: the river's elbow where it slowed a little as if to look at itself and approve. South: fields that made their peace by compromising. The air had that edge that meant the forest would remember tonight's cold in the morning and tell everything that smelled of meat.

He stood in the notch of the broken fence he had mended three times this season and watched the treeline. Once, far in, something heavy shouldered a trunk and shook down old bark like gray rain. The sound traveled through ground, up his legs, into his chest, and nested there. It did not make him smaller. It made the line he would cross feel truer.

At the square, Old Jaren warmed his hands over a small fire made of thrift and habit. He looked up as the boy passed and tipped his chin, which among some men is a long talk.

"Sky's clear," Jaren said. "It will lie to you. Clouds are honest because you can see them changing their minds. A clear sky is only a sky that keeps its plans to itself."

"I'll ask the road, not the blue," the boy said.

"Good," Jaren said, satisfied. "And if the mountain leans the other way when you reach it, you will still have walked. Roads pay back the feet that spend them."

The boy slept in pieces that night by design. He woke to check the kettle's shoulder for cracks that hadn't been there earlier, to press a thumb along the door's new peg and hear it answer, to listen to his mother's breath and his sister's turn and the small complaint the bench made when night's cold tried to shrink it to a new shape. He packed while they slept: rope looped small and tied to his belt, awl wrapped against the knife to keep them from arguing in the bag, flint and tallow at the top where fingers could find them by honesty alone, a wedge of bread, the onion's other half, a twist of salt. He put the hedge-woman's mint under his mother's pillow, because sometimes scent keeps watch when men must go.

At the door nail hung the lantern he had made. He lowered it and trimmed the wick, set a new chip of candle, and then—after a quiet thought he did not fully watch himself think—hung it again. It would burn down to a pale seed of its own and go out. That would be proper. Some lights are meant to stay to say where you were.

He left a bundle where his sister would find it tomorrow when she opened the chest—the little hoard of pegs, a coil of twine, the awl's older cousin with a broken handle polished by his hand. He set a folded scrap of cloth on top of their mother's jar to remind the jar to be careful. He straightened the blanket with his knuckles as if smoothing could teach comfort to make better choices.

When the hour came that the cold does its worst with less noise than you think it should, he sat on the stoop with his pack at his feet. The village slept with the stubbornness of towns that know they deserve a little more strength than morning will bring. The sky was washed clean and hard. Stars held to their pins. He breathed, and the breath made ghosts again. He listened for a sound he could name as permission and got only the old ones: the creak, the small scurry, the long low hush trees make when they rearrange their opinions of wind.

He stood. The pack's rope settled against his shoulder like a hand that accepted the shape it had been given. He closed the door without a sound and set his palm against it, just long enough to borrow a little of the hut's old warmth. He did not speak. Saying goodbye out loud makes it an argument the dark can steal.

At the fence's gap he paused and looked back—habit, not weakness. The lantern on the nail threw a coin of light against the ground and the door, a promise keeping itself in a small circle. He left it there, a bright memory that did not need a keeper.

North drew. Not like a rope—more like a needle through tight cloth, a precise tug that said the fabric wanted to be something else. He stepped into it and felt the road take the measure of his foot the way a tailor takes the measure of a shoulder: professionally, without compliment, committed to making what will be worn.

He did not go angry. He went with the slow, carrying determination he had used all his life to lift what was heavier than one man can reasonably expect to move. The frost answered with its quiet crackle. The world was colder than yesterday and more honest. The village was a line behind him, a roof set true, a latch that would hold, a pile of wood squared. Ahead was only the idea of a mountain that leaned, and a hook in the sky that pointed where a life might bend without breaking.

He did not say I am leaving. He did not need to. The road heard, and the road is the best witness, because it keeps secrets and tells them by miles.

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