Bananarch's shadow loomed over us, his bruised peel glistening with malice.
> "Two weaklings in a bowl," he sneered. "One made of mush… the other made of mistakes."
Sir Stoolius quivered beside me.
> "H-He's mocking me, sire…"
I stood tall — or, well, wobbled tall.
> "Fear not, Stoolius. For though I possess no power, no might, and no reasonable survival chance… we have something he does not."
Stoolius turned to me with hopeful eyes.
> "What is it, my liege?"
> "Panic."
He nodded solemnly.
> "A noble strategy."
---
Bananarch lunged forward, brandishing his toothpick spear.
> "PREPARE TO BE PUREED!"
THWACK!
Sir Stoolius was sent airborne, smacking into a carton of milk. It teetered…
…then tipped…
…then SPILLED across the countertop like a creamy tidal wave.
> "THE FLOOR IS SLIPPERY!" I cried.
> "THE FLOOR HAS ALWAYS BEEN SLIPPERY, SIRE!" Stoolius screamed as he slid helplessly past me.
Bananarch charged—
SPLAT!
He slipped.
The banana flailed wildly, sliding uncontrollably across the milky chaos.
> "CURSE THESE DAIRY-BASED CONDITIONS—!!"
He spiraled toward the sink.
Sir Stoolius seized the moment.
> "SIRE! USE ME AS AMMUNITION!"
> "WITH HONOR!"
I mustered all my strength and body-slammed Stoolius like a bowling ball straight into Bananarch's back.
BONK!
Both flew screaming into the stainless steel abyss.
> "NOOOOOOOO!"
"FOR GLORRRYYY—!"
PLUNK.
Water roared.
They swirled in the drain like tragic heroes in a citrus-scented whirlpool.
Sir Stoolius' voice echoed bravely:
> "Sire… I REGRET NOTHINGGGGG—"
Bananarch shrieked as he vanished into the darkness.
> "THIS ISN'T OVER, ORANGE!!! I SHALL RETURN… STRONGER… SOGGIER… AND FILLED WITH VENGEANCE!!!"
---
Silence.
I stared at the sink.
Alone… victorious…
And slightly sticky.