The clock showed 10 PM.
Fiya sat in her own room. A small room, dark, and quiet. The light was turned on just a little.
Desi was already asleep. Fiya heard Desi's steady breathing from the next room. Calm breathing. The breathing of a child with no big worries.
But Fiya couldn't sleep.
Fiya sat on the edge of her bed. She held the contract paper that Mr. Hendra gave her. The paper was still new. Still smelled like a photocopy from a printer.
Fiya read her own signature on the first page.
Fiya Nuriyah Dewi.
The name looked strange. Like someone else's name, not Fiya's.
Fiya started to cry. Not much. Just tears flowing slowly from her eyes.
She didn't know why she was crying. Fiya should be happy. Fiya should be relieved. Because Desi would have surgery. Because Fiya had money now.
But Fiya felt afraid instead.
Afraid of what? Fiya herself didn't know.
Fiya lay down on her bed. She covered her face with a pillow.
She thought about what would happen tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Fiya would get married.
Married to Ardi. Her boss. A cold man. A man who almost never talked to her except for work orders.
They would go to the civil registration office. They would meet with Mr. Hendra and his secretary who would be witnesses.
They would sign the marriage document.
And Fiya would officially become Ardi's wife.
Wife.
The word felt strange to Fiya's ears.
Fiya never imagined she would get married like this. No love. No affection. Just a contract. Just money. Just business interests.
Fiya knew from the beginning that this was a contract. But now, when it was really close, Fiya started to feel afraid.
What would the people at the office say?
What would her neighbors say?
What if someone asked details about their marriage?
What if someone suspected that this wasn't a real marriage?
Fiya thought about many things. Too many things.
Suddenly, Fiya remembered something. Something that made her chest tight.
Fiya remembered her childhood.
Childhood Fiya with her Father and Mother.
Fiya's father was a teacher. A kind-hearted teacher. A teacher who always smiled. Fiya's father wasn't rich, but he always tried to give the best for his children.
Fiya's mother was a nurse. A loving mother. A mother who was always there when Fiya was sick. A mother who always listened to Fiya's stories before sleep.
Fiya still remembered. When Fiya was 6 years old. Father and Mother took Fiya to the park. In that park, they played together. Father pushed Fiya on the swing. Mother took a photo of Fiya smiling.
Fiya remembered how happy she was at that time.
Fiya remembered how safe it felt to be near Father and Mother.
But all of that disappeared 5 years ago.
Fiya opened her eyes. She didn't want to remember anymore.
But it was too late. The memory had come.
Fiya remembered that day clearly. Like it happened just yesterday.
That day was a rainy day.
Fiya didn't go to school because she had a fever. Fiya slept at home. Mother was at home too, taking care of Fiya.
Father went to school like usual.
At 11 AM, someone knocked on the house door.
Mother opened the door.
There were police.
There was a doctor from the hospital.
They brought news that destroyed everything.
Fiya's father and some other teachers had a car accident. Their car was hit by a truck on the highway. Everyone in the car died.
Fiya remembered Mother screaming. A scream that sounded like someone in pain.
Fiya's mother collapsed. She fell to the floor.
Fiya remembered she got down from her bed. Even though her fever was still high. Fiya remembered she hugged Mother.
"Mother, don't. Mother must be strong," whispered Fiya who was only 10 years old at that time.
But Mother couldn't be strong.
Fiya's mother never recovered from that news.
Desi was still a baby back then. Desi was only 2 months old.
Fiya's mother had to take care of baby Desi while mourning Father's death.
Fiya's mother worked overtime. Mother started to stress a lot. Mother's blood pressure went up.
The doctor told Fiya's mother she must rest. The doctor said stress is the enemy of health.
But Fiya's mother couldn't rest. Mother had to work. Mother had to pay for the house. Mother had to take care of her children.
Fiya's mother didn't listen to the doctor's advice.
One day, when Fiya was 15 years old, Fiya came home from school. Fiya saw Mother sleeping on the sofa.
Fiya tried to wake Mother up.
But Mother didn't wake up.
Fiya's mother had a stroke. A heart attack that happened because of prolonged stress.
Fiya's mother died 3 days later in the hospital.
Fiya stopped crying for a moment. But her eyes stayed wet.
After Mother died, Fiya had only one responsibility: Desi.
Fiya, who was still a child at that time, had to become a parent. Fiya had to take care of Desi. Fiya had to pay for the house. Fiya had to pay for Desi's school.
Fiya didn't go to school anymore. Fiya looked for work.
First, Fiya worked at a restaurant. Fiya washed dishes. Fiya's salary was very small.
Then, Fiya looked for other work. Fiya worked at a store. Fiya became an assistant. The salary was still small.
Fiya tried. Fiya learned. Fiya took a free English course from the internet.
Finally, Fiya got a job at Ardi's office as a secretary.
Fiya worked hard. Fiya wanted Desi to have a good life. Fiya wanted Desi to go to school normally. Fiya wanted Desi not to be like Fiya.
Now, Fiya remembered all of that. Remembered how hard Fiya's struggle had been.
And Fiya was afraid.
Afraid because Fiya had already made a big decision. A decision that might change everything.
Afraid because Fiya would live in Ardi's house. A house that was big, cold, and felt strange.
Afraid because Fiya would pretend to be Ardi's wife. Pretend in front of others. Lie every day.
Fiya wasn't used to lying.
Fiya was always honest. Fiya always said things as they are.
But now, Fiya had to lie.
Fiya had to pretend to love Ardi.
Fiya had to pretend to be happy.
Fiya had to pretend this was a real marriage.
Fiya felt her body trembling.
Afraid. Very afraid.
Fiya stood up from her bed. She walked out of her room.
She went to the kitchen. She took a glass of water. The water was cold and helped Fiya feel a little calmer.
Fiya looked toward Desi's room.
Desi's door was open. Fiya could see Desi from a distance.
Desi slept peacefully. Desi's face looked innocent. Without any worries.
Fiya remembered why she was doing this.
Everything for Desi.
Desi's surgery.
Desi would be healthy.
Desi would be able to play like normal children.
Desi wouldn't die because of a weak heart.
Fiya made this decision for Desi.
Whatever Fiya had to do, Fiya would do it.
Even if Fiya had to lie.
Even if Fiya had to marry Ardi who was a stranger.
Even if Fiya had to live in a big house that was frightening.
Fiya went back to her room. She slept.
But Fiya's sleep wasn't peaceful. Fiya had nightmares all night.
Fiya dreamed she was alone. Alone in the middle of a big city. Everyone didn't know who she was. Everyone ignored Fiya.
Fiya dreamed she was running. Running looking for Desi. But couldn't find her.
Fiya dreamed Desi was crying. Crying calling for her sister.
But Fiya couldn't reach Desi.
Fiya woke up with gasping breath.
The clock already showed 5 AM.
The day was almost over.
Fiya's wedding day had already started.
Fiya woke up. She couldn't sleep anymore.
Fiya showered with cold water.
Fiya wore her best work uniform. The black uniform that was the neatest.
Fiya combed her hair. Fiya looked in the mirror.
Fiya's face was pale. Fiya's eyes were red from crying all night.
But Fiya smiled.
Fiya needed to smile. Because today, Fiya would get married.