"I can't do this today," Agatha said, rubbing her temples. "My head is killing me."
It was our third day working together, me, Sarah, and Amelia. We'd fallen into an uneasy rhythm. Sarah handled cooking (surprisingly well), Amelia managed inventory (with much squinting), and I served tables.
"Are you alright?" Amelia asked, concerned.
"Migraine. I need a massage and complete silence." Agatha pulled off her apron.
Agatha smirks deviously upon leaving the tavern, but no one notices.
"You three are in charge tonight."
We stared at her.
"In charge?" Sarah said slowly.
"Of the tavern," Agatha confirmed. "Take orders. Serve food. Don't burn anything down. I'll be back in a few hours."
"Wait—" I started.
She was already out the door.
"This is a terrible idea," Klaus said immediately.
"We're going to die," Vincent agreed.
"The tavern is definitely burning down," Masayuki added.
"Meh," Boris contributed, which meant "I'll get the popcorn."
Sarah tied on a fresh apron. "Fine. We'll get through it like always, I cook, Hitomi serves, Amelia takes stock of inventory."
"I'll serve too."
Amelia chimes in.
Hitomi and Sarah say in unison: "Hell no!"
"I like her confidence," Klaus said. "Very misplaced, but I like it."
Thirty minutes later, I realized Sarah could REALLY cook. I knew she was good, but this... Legendary."
Masayuki, all the while saying, "Let her cook, I said let her cook!!!"
The smell coming from the kitchen was incredible. Rich, savory, making my mouth water. I kept finding excuses to go back there.
"Stop eating the food!" Sarah snapped, swatting my hand away from a plate.
"I'm quality testing!"
"You've 'quality tested' four plates!"
"They're really good!"
Amelia poked her head in. "Is something burning?"
"No," Sarah said. "Why?"
"Just checking. Everything smells amazing." She grabbed a piece of bread. "Oh wow, this is—"
"STOP EATING THE CUSTOMER'S FOOD!"
"Sorry! It's just really good!"
"We have a problem," Masayuki observed.
"What problem?"
"You're eating all the food that's supposed to go to customers."
I looked at the empty plates. Then, at Amelia, who was still chewing. Then, at Sarah, who looked like she wanted to stab us both.
"How much food did we eat?"
Sarah checked her prep station. "All of it."
"What?"
"ALL. OF. IT. The chicken, the beef, the fish, the vegetables—you two ate EVERYTHING I cooked!"
"Oh," Vincent said. "Oh, that's bad."
The door opened. A group of adventurers walked in.
"Table for six!" one called out. "We're starving!"
We looked at each other in panic.
"What do we do?" Amelia hissed.
"Cook more food?" I suggested.
"That takes TIME! And we're out of ingredients!"
"Then—" I looked at the bar. Rows and rows of bottles. Beer, wine, spirits. "—we improvise."
Ten minutes later, I'd convinced Sarah to add extra salt to all the beer.
"This is your plan?" she said. "Make them thirsty?"
"If they drink more, they won't notice there's no food!"
"That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard."
"Do you have a better one?"
"...No."
"Then salt the beer!"
"This is going to end badly," Klaus said.
"Obviously," Vincent agreed.
"But it'll be entertaining," Masayuki added.
"Meh."
I walked out to the main room and clapped my hands.
"ATTENTION EVERYONE!"
The tavern went quiet.
"Due to... unexpected circumstances, we're out of food tonight."
Groans and complaints.
"HOWEVER!" I raised my voice. "To make up for it, we're hosting a DRINKING COMPETITION!"
Interest perked up.
"The rules are simple. Everyone drinks. Minimum thirty-second breaks to breathe. If you collapse, you're out. For every five minutes I remain standing, everyone still participating pays one silver!"
"That's a scam!" someone shouted.
"The entry fee is ten silver," I continued. "And the last person standing wins ONE HUNDRED GOLD!"
The room erupted in excited chatter.
"Do we have 100 gold?" Vincent asked.
"Nope!"
"Great plan."
"Meh."
"I'M IN!" A burly warrior stood up, slapping ten silver coins on the table.
"ME TOO!"
"THIS'LL BE EASY! SHE'S JUST A GIRL!"
"They're about to learn a valuable lesson," Masayuki said.
Within minutes, twenty-three people had paid entry.
Amelia collected the money, looking worried. "Hitomi, if you lose—"
"I won't lose."
"But if you DO—"
"I. Won't. Lose."
"She's going to lose," Klaus said.
"Definitely," Vincent agreed.
"Meh."
Sarah brought out mugs and started pouring. The salted beer went down smooth at first, then left everyone wanting more.
"BEGIN!" Amelia shouted, acting as referee.
I grabbed my first mug and downed it.
Then the second.
Then the third.
"Your yokai constitution might actually help here," Masayuki noted. "Spirits have high alcohol tolerance."
"I'm human now!"
"Partially human. Your spiritual energy might process alcohol faster."
Around me, people were already slowing down. The salt was making them thirstier, but also dehydrating them faster.
By minute five, two people had dropped out.
Everyone else paid one silver.
By minute fifteen, six more were out.
More silver collected.
By minute thirty, half the original competitors were face-down on tables.
[System: Current earnings: 87 silver!]
"This is actually working," Vincent said, surprised.
The night wore on. More people dropped. More money accumulated.
I kept drinking.
And drinking.
And drinking.
My vision started to blur around the edges, but I kept going.
"Hitomi, you should stop," Masayuki warned. "You're going to—"
"I'm FINE!" I shouted, probably too loud.
"She's drunk," Klaus observed.
"Very drunk," Vincent confirmed.
"Meh," Boris agreed.
By hour two, only three people remained standing. Me, a dwarf who was swaying dangerously, and.... Sarah!!!!
"What?! Why?!"
"Because I'm bored. And I want that hundred gold."
She grabbed a mug and started drinking.
"This is about to get interesting," Masayuki said.
The dwarf collapsed five minutes later.
It was down to me and Sarah.
We stared at each other across the table, both swaying, both clearly drunk.
"You can't beat me," I slurred.
"Watch me," she slurred back.
"DOUBLE OR NOTHING!" I shouted. "Next round! Winner takes ALL!"
"ALL WHAT?! WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING!"
"THE TAVERN!"
The room went silent.
"Did she just bet the tavern?" Vincent asked.
"She bet the tavern," Klaus confirmed.
"It's not even our tavern!"
"MEH!"
"YOU'RE ON!" Sarah shouted.
Amelia grabbed my arm. "Hitomi, you can't bet Agatha's—"
"IT'S FINE! I'm gonna WIN!"
[THE NEXT MORNING]
I woke up to sunlight and pain.
Lots of pain.
My head felt like someone had used it as a drum. My mouth tasted like death. And I was—
I looked down.
My clothes were torn in multiple places. More rags than clothing. Strategic coverage at best.
"Oh no," Vincent said quietly.
"Oh YES," Klaus said. "This is amazing."
I sat up. Sarah was next to me, also in shredded clothing, groaning as she woke.
"What... happened?" I croaked.
"You destroyed my tavern, that's what happened."
I turned.
Amelia sat nearby, fully dressed, counting money with a satisfied expression.
"Your... tavern?"
"Look around."
I looked.
The tavern was gone.
Not damaged. Not partially destroyed.
GONE.
There was a crater where it used to be. Scorched earth. Bits of wood and stone were scattered across what used to be the street. Surrounding buildings had damage—blown-out windows, singed walls.
People were wandering around in a daze, some with bandages, all looking shocked.
"WHAT HAPPENED?!" I screamed.
"You and Sarah got VERY drunk," Amelia explained calmly. "You started fighting. Your clothes got... damaged in the process. Men started gathering to watch. I may have encouraged betting."
"She's evil," Klaus said admiringly. "I like her."
"Then," Amelia continued, "Sarah used her fire skill—"
"Infernal Blade Strike," Sarah groaned, holding her head. "I remember... vaguely..."
"—which hit the alcohol storage," Amelia finished. "The explosion was... impressive. No casualties, miraculously. Lots of injuries. The entire tavern vaporized."
I stared at the crater.
Then at my hands.
Then at Sarah.
"We DESTROYED the tavern."
"You destroyed the tavern," Amelia corrected. "I made money off it." She held up a very full coin purse. "67 gold from betting. Plus the entry fees and time payments." She did some math. "Total earnings: 231 gold, 23 silver, 4 copper."
My eyes went wide.
That was enough to—
I grabbed the purse.
Immediately, the coins began to shimmer.
"No no NO—WAIT—"
[System: Auto-charity activating!]
[System: 219 gold, 67 silver, 84 copper distributed to charity!]
[System: +21,984 Karma!]
[System: Current Karma: -9,999,999,999,999,999,925,749]
[System: Remaining balance: 11 gold, 55 silver, 20 copper]
I stared at the remaining coins.
"Well," Masayuki said, "at least you can pay off Water now?"
Right. The divine debt.
I needed 1,000 karma. At the new rate, that was 10 gold.
[System: Would you like to allocate 10 gold to charity to generate 1,000 karma?]
"Yes," I said tiredly.
[System: 10 gold converted to 1,000 karma!]
[System: Divine debt to God Water: PAID IN FULL!]
[System: Congratulations! You're only in debt to one person now! ♪]
I was left with 1 gold, 55 silver, 20 copper.
"At least I paid off Water," I muttered.
"That's great," Amelia said. "But we have a bigger problem."
"What could be bigger than vaporizing a tavern?"
"Explaining it to Agatha."
Oh no.
As if summoned by her name, I heard footsteps.
We turned.
Agatha stood at the edge of the crater, looking at where her tavern used to be.
She was very still.
Very quiet.
"We're dead," Klaus said. "We're so dead."
"We're already dead," Vincent pointed out.
"THEN WE'RE DEAD AGAIN!"
"Meh," Boris contributed.
Agatha walked slowly into the crater, examining the destruction. She picked up a piece of charred wood. Set it down. Looked at the scorched ground.
Then she turned to look at us.
Her expression was unreadable.
We waited for the explosion. The shouting. The fury.
Instead, she smiled.
Not a friendly smile.
A knowing smile.
"Well," she said, her voice dangerously pleasant. "This is quite the disaster."
"We can explain—" I started.
"No need." She pulled out her ledger. "Let me calculate the damages."
She spent several minutes examining the crater, taking notes, and doing math.
Finally, she looked up.
"The tavern itself, fully stocked, with all equipment and furnishings: 300 gold."
My soul left my body.
"Damage to neighboring buildings: 150 gold, estimated."
No.
"Medical expenses for the injured: 50 gold, approximately."
No no no.
"Lost business during reconstruction: 100 gold."
Please stop.
"Total damages: 600 gold."
Sarah made a strangled noise.
Amelia's face went pale.
I couldn't speak.
"However," Agatha continued, that terrifying smile still on her face, "I'm a reasonable woman. You can work it off. Same terms. Two copper per day each."
I did the math.
600 gold was 60,000 copper.
At two copper per day per person, that was three of us...
6 copper per day combined...
10,000 days.
Over 27 years.
"We're slaves," Klaus said flatly. "We're literal slaves."
"For life," Vincent added.
"She planned this," Masayuki said. "She knew leaving them alone would end badly. And now she owns them."
"Meh," Boris said, which meant "well played, Agatha."
Agatha's smile widened. "I'll have a new tavern built within the month. You three will work there. Dawn to dusk. Every day. Until your debt is paid."
"Twenty-seven years..." Sarah whispered.
"Give or take," Agatha agreed. "Depending on tips and bonuses."
"You can't—" Amelia started.
"I can. You destroyed my property. You'll pay for it." She turned to leave, then paused. "Oh, and you'll need new clothes. I'll provide uniforms. The cost will be added to your debt."
"OF COURSE IT WILL," I shouted.
She walked away, humming.
We sat there in the crater, in our shredded clothes, surrounded by destruction.
"On the bright side," Vincent said weakly, "you paid off the divine debt?"
I looked at my remaining money.
1 gold, 55 silver, 20 copper.
All I had left after the greatest financial disaster of my life.
[System: Current Debts:]
[System: - Agatha: 600 gold (27.4 years of work)]
[System: - Estimated completion date: You'll be 45 years old!]
[System: - Current Karma: -9,999,999,999,999,999,925,749]
[System: But hey, you paid off Water! Progress! ♪]
I lay back on the scorched earth and stared at the sky.
"I'm never drinking again," I said.
"Agreed," Sarah muttered.
"Same," Amelia added.
"You're all lying," Klaus said.
"Definitely lying," Vincent confirmed.
"They'll be drunk again within a week," Masayuki predicted.
"Meh," Boris agreed.
A piece of charred wood fell from somewhere and landed next to my head.
This was my life now.
A 27-year debt.
Working for the scariest tavern owner in existence.
With a yandere and a nearsighted adventurer as coworkers.
Four dead men narrating my suffering.
And 1 gold to my name.
"Could be worse," I said, mostly to convince myself.
"How?" Sarah asked.
"...I'll think of something."
[System: Current Status:]
[System: - Homeless (tavern destroyed)]
[System: - Nearly naked (clothes destroyed)]
[System: - Massively in debt (600 gold)]
[System: - But spiritually wealthy! (Gained 22,984 karma!)]
[System: You're doing GREAT! ♪]
"I hate everything," I said to the sky.
"We know," the spirits chorused.
"We know."
Somewhere in the distance, I heard construction workers arriving to start cleanup.
Our new prison was being built.
Baby steps, I thought weakly.
Though at this point, they were more like "shackled prisoner shuffle" steps.
But steps nonetheless.
Even if they'd be taking those steps for the next 27 years.
...I really need to find better ways to make money.