I wanted Grace to face killing head-on, but Alice thought I was wrong.
"Mr. Karen, Fatelis once said that having a heart that fears harming others is a wonderful thing, so Miss Grace hasn't done anything wrong."
Did I ever say Grace was wrong? Having a heart that fears hurting others is certainly admirable—but as a knight, you have to be prepared for that reality.
"Alice, do you know what a knight's duty is?"
"To protect the people."
"Correct. Knights protect the people. Then when do knights need to protect them, and how do they do it?"
"A knight raises the sword in their hand and protects the people from the enemy's invasion."
"Very good. To the people, a knight's sword is a sword of protection. But to the enemy, what is that sword?"
"Um… I don't know. Mr. Karen, can't you just tell me directly?"
Alice started acting cute toward me. I almost raised my suddenly rock-hard fist and slammed it into her face out of sheer disgust.
Thankfully, the last thread of my rationality held firm and slammed the brakes in time. Otherwise, the consequences would've been unimaginable. To keep my sanity from being stretched any further, I turned my gaze forward before answering her.
"No. You need to learn how to think."
"But I still can't figure it out."
If she couldn't figure it out, then fine—end the topic. But Jacob wasn't ready to let it go and decided to give her a hint.
"Alice, try looking at the problem from the enemy's point of view."
"I don't want to. Enemies are bad people. Why would I become a bad person?"
So seeing things from the enemy's perspective equals becoming a bad person? That's a child's way of thinking. The fact that a sixteen-year-old could still think like this was honestly impressive—in a bad way.
Jacob gave up on perspective-taking and switched to another line of questioning.
"Alright then. How does an enemy lose?"
"They get defeated by a knight."
"And how does a knight defeat the enemy?"
"With the sword in their hand."
There was no sign of deeper thinking in Alice's answers—just pure question-and-answer reflexes. Jacob finally gave up and whispered to me.
"Karen, help. I can't do this. I feel like I'm teaching a little kid."
"Agreed. That's exactly how it feels."
I strongly agreed with Jacob again. Alice really was just a child. At this moment, I deeply missed Lina and Lani. When talking to them, I never had to explain things in such detail—they just understood.
Suddenly, a pair of hands shoved their way between Jacob and me, pushing our heads apart. The culprit was an angry Alice.
"What are you two whispering about? Why are you whispering?!"
I didn't know what Alice was angry about. I only knew I'd nearly reached for my sword again because of that uninvited move, ready to chop those hands clean off.
Once again, my rationality stopped me in time. Dear rationality, thank you for preventing yet another tragedy.
I brushed Alice's hands away. Not wanting to see her foolish face, I kept looking forward as I asked her.
"Alice, what do you think a sword is? Is it harm, or is it protection?"
"Harm."
"Correct. But depending on the wielder's heart, a sword can become a sword of protection, safeguarding the people."
Weapons are like that. They aren't inherently good or evil—it all depends on the user's intent. If you feel like protecting someone, it protects. If you feel like killing someone, it kills. It's that simple.
"But in the end, a sword is still a weapon. While defeating the enemy, it also harms them. So to the enemy, a knight's sword is a sword of harm. Can you understand that now?"
That is a knight's resolve—to harm in order to protect. Just like on a battlefield, there is no right or wrong. Everyone kills knights from another country for the sake of their own nation, until one side runs out of strength and falls.
"Is the enemy human?"
Alice asked a strange question. Did the enemy's race really matter? I replied casually.
"They could be monsters or demon race."
Then I heard a sharp clap. Alice seemed to suddenly have an epiphany and declared confidently,
"If they aren't human, then it's not harm. It's protection."
That single sentence snapped my rationality clean in half. I spun around instantly and shouted at her.
"Alice, why are you excluding other races?! Do you think only humans deserve to live in this world?!"
Calling harm to other races "protection"? I almost forgot—Alice was grew under the temple's human-supremacist teachings. What a threat to racial harmony.
"!?"
The innocent Alice was, of course, terrified by my sudden outburst. Tears spilled from her eyes uncontrollably. Jacob quickly stepped in to calm me down.
"Karen, calm down. Don't argue with a kid."
"She's sixteen already. If we don't correct this now, it'll be too late."
I ignored Jacob's attempt to stop me. I was determined to scold her. She wasn't a child who could hide behind childish innocence anymore—she was a young girl whose way of thinking was about to solidify. How was I supposed not to be anxious about that?
Then I pointed at Alice and, in an agitated and furious tone, told her,
"Alice, remember this—you're no longer human. What you just said is the same as denying your own existence. Other races are no different from humans. They all have only one life. When they're hurt, they feel pain. When they're killed, they die. Their families grieve for them. There is no difference."
Every life is born from a mother. Naturally, they have families. Naturally, they have bonds—family love, friendship, romance.
Just like Lani. She isn't human, but I cherish her like a little sister. When she gets sick, I worry. When she gets hurt, I panic. If she were to die, I would grieve.
I've taken countless lives myself, so maybe I don't have the right to say this. But I've never once looked down on the lives I ended. Everyone simply does what they must to survive—that's all.
Alice's tears poured down in large drops, splashing one after another. She kept wiping them away with her sleeve, and then said something that only fueled my anger further.
"...But… this is what the temple… said…"
The temple again. Everything is "the temple said this, the temple said that." Does she not have a mind of her own?!
"Then from now on, I want you to stop believing a single word the temple says. Use your own eyes to see this world. Look at every race for what they truly are. If you really believed what you just said, then the moment you learned your own heritage, you should've ended your life right then and there—"
"Karen, that's enough. Calm down!"
Jacob shouted and cut me off, forcibly stitching my snapped rationality back together. I took several deep breaths and finally calmed myself down. He was right—I'd gone too far.
"...Fine. I'm sorry. I got too emotional."
After that, I didn't say a single word until evening. I just sat there with my arms crossed, staring at the beautiful scenery, silently stewing in my anger.