TRIGGER WARNINGS
I generally write dark and gritty and erotic yet fucked up romance. This story is no exception. There are no good men or redeemable characters here at least he tried to be. The male is definitely a red flag and there is no changing him. He's hot anyway and I won't have him any other way. This book romanticizes obsessive compulsive disorder and anti- social tendencies. Remember its only fiction. I trust you know your triggers and you read responsively.
The content warnings include consensual non-consent, extreme graphic violence and gore, stalking, drug use, blood play, primal kink, praise kink, abuse, rape[not detailed though], somnophilia, breeding kink among others which are mild in the book.
ONE
Father Vaughn
I do not search for people. I search for gaps. The monastery is filled with scents reeking like what died, souls deserving punishment and purge. It's filled with noise stitched into the walls- confessions, humming, candles, incense and artefacts. There she is, a gap and therefore conspicuous. I note the way she reads as though reading is a private liturgy. I watch her every move. The way she tucks her dull brown hair behind those ears, those thumbs on the margin, it just marvels me.
I copy her subtly sure to remember every detail to be able practice when I go into my private chambers later. I teach myself to remember every detail because soon she'll be all mine.
Names are dangerous until they are assigned. I don't call her by the given roll of syllables; I make a list of possible names I can give her that she could be: Quiet, Withdrawn, Margin. They sit like possible titles in the margin of a book. I test each of them in my mind. None fits perfectly, but then she reminds of a moth. Not bright enough like the butterfly to attract attention, not characteristic behaviour to actually stand out but seems drawn to light, to flame. It's just in a matter of time will she notice my presence and come to me willingly.
As I prepare for my first class, I play with the ribbon she used the previous week on her hair. Her long dark curls needed it after all. I took another whiff of her scent, it was indeed addicting like a new drug to an addict. I lay it at the edge of her bench as if it had blown there by chance.
The scent on the ribbon was already beginning to fade and I need it so much to actually return it to steal it again. I imagine her reaching for it as one would do to an injured fawn. After all she can surprise me.
I stepped into the classroom scanning the area for my moth.
There she was, at a corner avoiding contact as usual. I smirked settling down on my seat waiting till the students settle down before I teach.
"Your next assignment is simple. You will write a reflection on the last three chapters. Nothing ambitious just honesty and thought. Your guardian must write his opinion concerning the topic and sign, understood?" I say. "It should be submitted tomorrow on my desk. Have a good day". I watched as my students leave in a single hurried file while my moth stays behind not wanting anyone to notice. She must have felt my gaze on her which made her to turn in my direction and being one who doesn't back down from a fight, I stared back.
"Problem, little moth?" I say with a smug look on my face. She shook her head and turned away immediately.
I picked up my books and made my way into my office. Anton, my unhinged brother was there flipping through my books. I hated disorderliness and he was one. "I will kill you someday," I say. "And I'll laugh while doing it"
"So who is she?" He asked. Trust Anton to dig into my business like its gossip. I walked over and collected my book from him. The only way to avoid him digging further is actually saying the truth. "She is no one. At least not yet," He lit a cigarette and took a deep inhale letting it all out. I could clearly see his pain even though he doesn't show it. He wants a life outside the brotherhood to be with the love of his life. But he won't get that sympathy from me.
"You do know the reason you came here. Don't break that for anyone." He says. "Although you're still staring at that paper like it's a scripture. You sure she is no one?" I didn't dare to lift my head not when the syllables of her name haven't registered into my skull enough. "She is a student. A quiet one, the kind the world forgets and she the world" Anton snorts which almost drove me feral. "And you remembered her. You of all people should know the implications of letting that beast out. Besides she is innocent and wants to be left alone," I raised my head finally acknowledging his words, he is right but I can't bring myself to care. I'm already deep...too deep.
"She is different. The broken ones are always easier to guide, easier to save and break," He scoffs, lifting himself up from the chair, he closes the distance.
"Save? That is what you call it now? I call it wanting. And wanting breaks vows," He say. "Careful now Vaughn, we swore more than holy vows, remember? Family vows, discipline, control and once you lose that you're no better than me. Even in your calm state you are more dangerous than any force I've encountered,"
"I am nothing like you," I seethe. "She'll come to me. She needs me; she just hasn't grasped it yet." It was no use anyway to listen to Anton.
I wanted her and I will have her no matter what. I walked to the windows peering outside at the meaningless crowd in search for my moth and there she was, searching for me too. Her blue gray eyes met mine and widened. I didn't bother hiding my stares after all she should get used to every one of them.
The feelings I thought I kept under control burst out like a raging storm, difficult to control. I needed therapy immediately like I have been doing for two years. Those blue orbs are forever etched into my dark, cold mind. I broke eye contact to retrieve a file of my newly found obsession, one I plan not to kill for the first time. I picked up my pencil and my canvas. That newly ignited passion was enough to paint a perfect picture in my head on what should be on my canvas. Her everything... her eyes, lips, hands even her books should be included, everything that would naturally become mine to keep and possess.