Oh! Now she remembered. Jibril continued on as Steph blushed.
"But why his pornography? How could it bear on being loved?"
The befuddled Jibril was answered by Shiro's bemused whisper.
"…Brother's, pornos…could show them, what he likes… Ex Machina, is
dangerous… An enemy…!"
They could reveal his preferences, allowing the robots to act accordingly
—and make him fall in love with them. Now Shiro saw their dire and
cunning plot. She shook and bit her nails. Beside her…
"..."
…Sora, besieged on every side by unbridled sexual harassment, exhaled,
looked at the ceiling, and thought. The Ex Machinas had shown up out of
nowhere, come after him, again out of nowhere, and beaten him at a game,
yet again, out of nowhere. And now this—What did I do to deserve this?
"…Well… I guess I lost… Ha-ha, ha… Sigh…"
Having shed a solitary tear, he pulled out his tablet. Though he regretted
it, just as Emir-Eins had determined, he had porn. Which she'd demanded he
surrender. He'd sworn by the Covenants. He couldn't refuse. But then, she
could have demanded something really devastating. Perhaps he should be
grateful she was satisfied with sexually humiliating him. And so he wiped his
hand on his shirt and handed Emir-Eins the tablet.
" Ecstasy…"
Emir-Eins lowered her head in thanks, and their fingers brushed against
one another just for a moment, allowing Sora to confirm: No static discharge.
"But I'm just showing you my porn. You can't look at any of the other
data, and you obviously can't destroy any of it, all right?"
"...Hmm? This— Spieler, is this a storage mechanism for your secret
books?"
"Inference: Unknown recording medium. Stores multiple data files…
Searching for operation method."
Einzig had returned from the wall. He and Emir-Eins inspected the slab
dubiously. Sora interjected.
"It's in there. I opened the folder for you, so…the rest is up to you."
Yes—this was payback, a fine troll indeed. He smirked evilly.
"...? ...?"
Seeing all the Ex Machinas puzzle over how to analyze it, Sora sneered
duskily to himself. It was a tablet PC, an electronic device from another
world. Sure, they'd messed with his smartphone, but that was because he'd
left the radio on. All the data in the tablet was recorded in otherworldly
language and otherworldly programming. And he'd forbidden them to view
or destroy the non-pornographic material, so they couldn't use brute force.
Moreover, Emir-Eins's nonconductive fingers wouldn't work on the touch
screen.
"I gave you what you demanded. Didn't say I'd include support. "
"…This man truly is no pushover…"
Steph had to admit she was impressed that Sora had still been able to flip
over his defeat. But Sora was grinning, That's not all, which only Shiro on
his lap noticed.
"But dear me… The only pornography I can recall in my master's
possession is the recordings of little Dora and others in the bath… What use
would such information as that serve?"
"—Hey, that's true, isn't it? Why are you dragging me into this?!"
It was unlikely that even Jibril had read everything they had on their
tablet. She might have managed to decipher the language of another world,
but still, there were many concepts and assumptions that would be unknown
to her. Even though Jibril knew from an in-depth survey of the tablet's
contents that there was hardly a wealth of porn within it…
"Observation: …Cannot detect lie in Master."
…Emir-Eins merely stared at Sora in response, as if analyzing him. But
the outcome was preordained. There was no point in anyone trying to lie to
someone assumed to be able to read their biological responses.
"Addendum: Cannot detect lie in Irregular Number or Immanity woman."
Just as he'd said, Sora had handed them his porn folder; he just hadn't
explained how to read it. There was no falsehood in that, nor did it violate the
Covenant. As Sora's grin carved ever deeper into his face—
"Comparison: However, cannot detect Master acknowledgment of
statements of two."
—these next words of Emir-Eins froze him in place.
"Conclusion: Provided information is camouflage. Presence of more
important information speculated. Request to Einzig: Use situational judgment
as coordinator. Aus."
Wha-wha—wha…wha…whaaaaat?!
"Einzig to all Seher and Prüfer: Analyze the principle of this medium!"
"—Jawohl."
"Whoaaa! H-heyyy now, can't you wait just a moment?!"
The Ex Machinas calmly began their analysis in spite of Sora's hollering,
and before he was even finished, their calculations had culminated into the
following report:
"Analysis complete. Records determined as data for catalytic stimulation.
Pattern analysis: Object identified as data processing unit employing binary
code by means of combination of conducting and insulating material. No
patterns match known data formats. New compatibility layer required. Unknown
current unrelated to spirits also detected as method. Loading—extraction of
data by voltage load—may damage data or medium."
"A-all right, then you can't! You can only touch the porn—"
While taken aback that they'd figured out that much in an instant, Sora cut
them off. But the subsequent merciless blow came from Emir-Eins.
"Instruction: Search for data structures that fulfill sharing conditions. Sort
key: None. Target: All."
"Hey, hold on there! I didn't say you could view all the data!"
"Rebuttal: Meaning of data not identified. Therefore, Search All not privacy
violation."
—B-bastard—!
"Search complete. Records found in deep archive. Catalyst degradation
suggests heavy access. Data structures meet sharing conditions: usage
frequency, active time, hidden status. Inferred to be porno."
—Hey, hey, come on, now—! They could see through his lie that he
wouldn't lie… Under these conditions, we can roll with that. But to see
through his rhetoric that Here's the porn (but I never said all the porn)—and
then to find the rest of the porn—come on—!
"Judged feasible to load and copy area containing relevant records only by
placing limited spirituelectric load. If data is then synthesized and decrypted,
porn can be acquired."
"—Confirmation: Master, authorize execution."
"Like hell I will! B-besides, can you even prove that it's porn?!"
If they hadn't identified the data's meaning, it could be the wrong data!
He'd only given them permission to access the porn, and if this wasn't the
porn—
As Sora badgered Emir-Eins, Shiro mumbled softly:
"…Hidden folder Macroeconomics…eight point two three gigabytes…
Definitely, porn."
"Wha—?! How did you know, Ms. Shiro?! Just how much of that do you
—?"
"Confirmed: Structure size matches specification. Copying."
"Hey, wai— Don't— N-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
...
…And so… In the throne room, where the Ex Machinas, Shiro, Jibril, and
Steph all fell silent…
"No, noooo… My—my—my precious secret collection…!"
…only one man's grief-stricken lamentations filled the air. The precious
porn he had brought from his old world, the reams and reams of erotic
manga, had all been lost forever. The data had been corrupted, and no matter
how many times he smacked the screen, it told him, Could not load.
"…Brother… I'm, sorry…?"
"It's okay… It's okay, Shiro. It's not your fault… It really isn't…"
Shiro hugged Sora and apologized, but Sora shook his head. It had been
Sora's fault for losing. And anyway, protecting the other data and the tablet
itself from loss was the top priority. What he should have done was tell them
honestly and fully where the data was to keep their losses to a minimum.
Shiro hadn't done anything wrong—she'd done exactly what he should have
done in the first place. Still… It could never erase the pain of the loss of his
precious fap material, gone forever. But what pained him more than its loss,
per se—
"…Brother… Porn…is best fresh… You already, used it up…"
Comforting Sora by rubbing his head, Shiro went on gently.
"…You couldn't, get off to it, anymore…could you? Let's find…more
porn…together."
"Look, your brother can't help but be distraught that his proclivities had
been an open book to his little sister all along! And, I mean, how is it that an
eleven-year-old maiden is speaking for the feelings of a man who's just lost
his porn folder?!"
The despair was no different from having your porn stash found by your
mom. The war criminals responsible: Einzig and Emir-Eins.
"Now we shall promptly proceed with the analysis of the data, Spieler!
Please wait."
"Declaration: This unit will dedicate all resources to becoming the ideal wife
for Master… Trying."
With that, the eleven Ex Machina girls all bowed deeply in unison.
This marked the start of Ex Machina's mad approach based on porno manga.
It had only taken a few hours to reach the present time…and this filled Sora
with dread. In just a few hours, they had decrypted and understood the data
from Sora's old world. Even unknown concepts—school, childhood friends,
walking to school together, elementary school backpacks. They'd grasped his
culture. And from cartoons. Based entirely on porno manga. It was only
natural that, given their reference material, there would be some strain in their
interpretation, some bias in their scenarios. But however conservatively you
talked about their speed of understanding and learning—it was prodigious.
—And yet.
Taking all that and skipping all the vile memories, foregoing the synopsis.
Eastern Union. Shrine. Annex. Sora brought himself back. And the first thing
he said:
"Why are you still stuck on the super-gay route?! Cut it out already!!"
Past the nightmarish memories, before his eyes lay a true nightmare: the
pervbot in his basketball uniform. He was closing in on Sora, whose
objections were closer to a shriek. And yet, Einzig alone still would not learn,
his smile just as cheery as ever:
"Hmm… But you see, it means nothing unless you accept my love for
what—"
"I'd rather kill myself! Knock it off with the stupid cosplay!!"
Appearing to finally understand the seriousness of Sora's refusal, Einzig
drooped in chagrin. At the same time, the Shrine's tranquil furnishings were
restored, causing Sora to breathe a deep sigh of relief. And not just Sora—the
Shrine Maiden, Ino, Shiro, and Jibril, too, each in their own ways.
As if all that hadn't been enough—
"…I apologize, Spieler… There was only one record for reference on
man-on-man affection… It is so difficult to analyze your preferences for this
category… I can only curse my inadequacy in causing you discomfort."
Einzig heaved a sigh of his own, causing Sora to tear at his hair.
"Inadequacy doesn't even begin to cut it! I'm not into guys! Will you get
it through your head already?!"
"But, Spieler, your tomes did contain a single volume of lurid male-on-
male—"
"The cover was a trap! It pisses me off just remembering it!"
The character on the cover was obviously a cute girl. Even the art style
made it look like it was intended for men. But when Sora bought the book, it
turned out to be BL…and some pretty hardcore stuff, at that. Of course, it had
been Sora's fault for buying it without checking the contents. But now he had
Einzig bringing this up as evidence that he had a chance, and the rage from
back then burst back into flame from Sora's mouth.
"Don't you think you picked the wrong reference material in the first
place?! D00d, look at this, seriously!!"
Seriously. Look at these porn scenarios they were using. Consider:
deciding who should be Teacher's girlfriend by who made him feel the best?
That didn't make sense. The girls who didn't get picked would be totally
screwed over. In reality, this would lead to one of those "dead ends" where
someone ends up getting stabbed. No matter how you looked at it, basing
your actions on unrealistic scenarios from porno manga was a mistake.
…Though Sora did admit he was bitter at having his stash nuked.
"What are you saying, Spieler? The information was truly valuable, and
not only in determining your preferences." It sounded as if the suggestion
came entirely as a shock to Einzig, who turned on his heel. "Your library was
truly informative…and that world truly came to astonish us." He had his back
to Sora, practically marveling— No, perhaps actually marveling. "The
education…the physiology, the psychology—it helped us more than we could
imagine, indeed, in understanding the 'heart'!"
Sora and Shiro raised their eyebrows at this machine's increasingly heated
assertions.
"…Mm? Is…that so…?
The computer that explored the "heart." The world he extolled was one
that could only exist with what was, in this place, technology of the distant
future. But as Sora considered this, it hit him—Wait a second. Ex Machina
was imagining their old world based on porno manga. So what was it exactly
that was getting Einzig so heated…? But, with no attention to Sora's doubt,
the heat of the machine's elocution inflamed further—!!
"Yes… Especially when considering matters of the "heart," everyone—
including us—falls into the traps of stereotyping, iconography, association,
and bias! Whereupon, we engage in actions which are entirely
meaningless…"
And finally, his fist shaking in rage at his own folly:
"What madness! To consider the 'heart' by reason?! Is it not evident that
the 'heart' is the very furthest thing from reason—it is illogic itself!! And
love is its foremost virtue—but!!!!"
Steadily spreading his arms out wide, he said it loud—he released it from
his soul—!!
"—Lösen: Eros-Apokryphon!!"
That instant, a massive array of images spread out all over the room.
Einzig beheld the countless pictures suspended in the air, even stretching
space to make room. As his speech raged on, tears formed in his eyes—
"Let us reflect truly! Has any other Ixseed ever shown the 'heart' so
clearly?!"
This indeed was love, said the tears of the bellowing Einzig. But.
"What d'you have against me, d00d?! How dare you show everyone my
treasures— Oh, I see, you wanna make me cry, do you?!"
Fine, then. Watch me cry!
The next instant, Sora covered Shiro's eyes and cried in a different sense
at the—uh, well, the crown jewels, the porno comics. You know…with all
the parts moving, and going in, and going out, with all the little hearts and
stuff. Countless pages bedecked in art that would classically be described as
"Eh-heh-heh-heh." The Shrine Maiden and Ino stared agog, while Jibril
drooled.
"So my point is, this is your problem! It's a veritable parade of impossible
premises with implausible results!"
Sora aimed to point out the flaws with what Einzig described as the very
heart of love. The lazy unreality characteristic of adult manga. However—
"Hmm… Impossible premises with implausible results, you say? Could
you be more specific, Spieler?" Einzig looked bemused. "Do you refer to the
incoherence? The meaninglessness, or perhaps the absence of motivation
leading to the act?"
—All of them, Sora wanted to say, but he held his tongue. Einzig made
clear that he had an answer to all ready. Now here it was: Einzig powerfully
bellowed the answer—!!
"Love is incoherent! It is a fallacy to seek logic in the 'heart'! The
clashing of souls drawn to each other is meaningless! Motivations are
ascribed to it only after the fact—yes! Just as porno manga teaches us!!"
—Why was this?
"Ah, the civilization that thus clearly demonstrated what love is! The
erudition of those who represented this as the natural state of affairs!"
—As Einzig sang the praises of creators who engaged in a speedrun based
on how few pages they could spend getting to the hanky-panky, Sora found
himself almost agreeing. He clutched his head as several others spoke up.
Each had been studying the pages very closely.
"Hmm… King Sora, I am experiencing a renewed respect for you. It is
proper that wolf-girls should have enormous breasts. I commend your taste."
Ino was staring at a particular animal-girl hard enough to bore a hole in her as
he nodded.
"...Just what are they supposed to be doing in these—? Eh. Well, 'tis