Turns out not all transmigrated people are created equal. Neither are all people, animals, or ninja.
Whether it's actually a time travel, transmigrated, or rebirth/reincarnation story, they all have one glaring similarity.
A stupidly bullshit power that puts them in a position to be better then everyone else. Why? Because fuck you, that's why.
Now, prepare to be amazed, as I introduce you to.... Dan Adverage.
A camera zooms in from a wide angle shot of Konaha straight to a kid picking his nose at a public park.
He's a civilian born kid of 10 years old, no skill in being a ninja, probably no future with spotlight shining over his head, no bitches will ever grace his bed, and I hope he dies a kiss less virgin. 'Oh, but why would you wish that on anyone?' I hear you asking.
Because I'm the man trapped in the small frog statue. I can't remember my name, I can't move. I'm not even sure when I came alive, but if one more fuckin booger lands on my head, I'm going to find a way to posses a passer-by, pick myself up, and cave this kids hea-
Suddenly, the frogs thoughts flicker as he blinks for the first time since his arrival into the world. In his line of sight, he has his finger outstretched, wiping another booger on the frog statues head.
Realization flashes through his eyes. Followed by a haunting dread. He's now the gross kid, doomed to have no significant role in the plot. Not even a beloved side character to be killed off for another character's growth arc. Cursed to be less than a nameless NPC, because at least NPCs have the privilege of not being named Adverage.
This motherfucker doesn't even have any Chakra. How the shit does that work?!?! All living things have Chakra.
Sudden clarity makes Dan's face go from chocked shock to exasperated.
"Eat your heart out Orochimaru. I'm 1-0 on killing kids"
Timeskip no jutsu
Getting back Shithead Dan's house was easy, not because new Dan (who is now just regular Dan), knew where he lived, but because playing the 'dumb kid lost in the park' bit still works.
This is mildy concerning because he's been in a ninja academy for 4 years and is somehow on his way to graduate with the same class as Naruto.
A lot of Naruto's behavior started to paradoxically make sense and not make sense at the same time.
"Wait, so they want to make child soldiers, but they still let them be children? And when they mess up, continue to be treated like children instead of disciplined to the standards of the child soldier they are?"
Bob and Jessie Adverage, Dan's parents that are so incredibly NPC like that you don't even have to draw the eyes when you describe them, look on in confusion.
"Son, are you asking us to punish you for getting lost in the park? You're only 10, it's understandable that you wouldn't know the layout to the whole village." Dan's father explained in a chiding tone.
Dan's anger didn't come from a need to be punished, he wasn't so chivalrous. It came from these two full blown adults not understanding how fucked up the situation actually was when you don't just go 'Well, that's life.', and move on with your day.
That being said, Dan tears ass into them with cold logic. "In 2 years, I'm gonna have a higher social standing then you could ever attain. I'll be 12 years old, with a higher body count than all your ancestors combine. (Talking about kills here guys) The most exciting thing that's ever happened to you is having missionary sex with the lights off once every two weeks!"
With his part being said he walks towards his bedroom door while spitting one more hard fact at his father.
"Maybe if you got rid of that yee yee ass NPC energy, Jessie may actually fuck you." With that, he turns around to spit one more word out at his father, before stopping and looking down at his skin.
"Fuck, we ain't in hidden cloud, I can't say that." And slams the door to his room. His parents too small dick energy to respond. Mouths left hanging open as their animators left for the day.
This is a shit post story, if you could not tell. I will not subject myself to watching 600 episodes of naruto to be "lore friendly". That is all for today. Bye bye