DARIEN
The sound of my car keys clattering as I dropped it into the crystal bowl on the coffee table made me sigh.
I walked into the kitchen, making a bee line for the fridge. I grabbed a bottle of water from it and slammed the door shut, groaning in frustration.
"What's the matter Darien?"
"Don't start".
"She smells like you now".
"You're not helping you animal".
My mind wandered back to a few hours ago. My beautiful girl on my desk, begging me to let her come. Her flushed face and the tears streaming down her face.
I felt myself getting hard again and I yelled, chucking the water bottle at the wall.
"What's the matter Alpha? Can't handle the look and taste of your mate?"
"Stop teasing me, Onyx".
"Like you teased her".
"Goddamnit!", I shouted.
Onyx laughed. "She…"
"Don't tell me anything about her! D'you understand the amount of discomfort I'm in now?"
"Blue balls?"
"Goddess", I cried in exasperation, "That's it, I'm going to take a shower".
"Don't jack off to her while you're at it".
"Fuck you".
"I'm not Aria, Darien"
° ° ° °
"Thank you", I said to the pizza delivery guy and gave him a fifty ad tip.
"Time's running out".
"I know that".
"No you don't. Cause if you do, you wouldn't have made her believe that you want her for a political title".
"She doesn't love me".
"You're making excuses for your own weakness. You fear her rejection more than you fear Creed".
I slammed the pizza box down on the table, the box crunching under the force. Self-preservation. That was the only thing that mattered. Love was vulnerability, and vulnerability would get her killed.
"My obsession with her is a consequence of the mate bond, nothing more," I insisted, forcing the words into my own belief system. "Abiological imperative. I need a Luna to secure the Alpha title and keep the Pack from tearing her apart. My feelings are dictated by my genetic need to claim her, possess her, and secure her safety. That's all this is. Nothing so soft as love."
"Liar".
Onyx retreated, his voice severing the immediate psychic link. He left me suspended in the sudden, isolating silence, forcing me to confront the vast, cold emptiness of my own denial.
He knew I had been ready to walk away from everything just to keep chasing the memory of her scent, long before I confirmed she was the mate.
° ° ° °
JVKE's voice filtered through the speaker I had in my home office.
"You claim you don't love her, yet you're listening to her playlist".
"Music is the way to the soul. What other way can I know my future Luna?"
"You're obsessed with her. You stalk her social media accounts to find out about every little detail about her".
"She's gonna be the mother of my pups someday".
"You're hopeless. Self deceit is the worst kind of deceit".
"Onyx we can't work out. She's nineteen. I'm her professor. Her father would never approve".
"You didn't think about that when you had your face buried in between her legs".
Onyx went quiet again and I stared at the black reflection of my own face in the dark screen of my computer.
I needed to be the monster she feared, the Alpha who commanded her safety.
The man who was hopelessly, desperately in love with her could wait. He had to wait.
My gaze drifted to the Pack ledger sitting on the far end of my desk—the one that detailed the immediate threats. Creed was one thing. The deadline was another. But there were always loose ends... stray wolves, exiles with grudges.
I ran a weary hand over my jaw. The deadline was looming, and I knew my little outburst on campus was going to draw immediate attention. I had to focus on securing her physically before the political games consumed us both.
I was blind. And I was isolated. Indeed I was hopeless.