The air feels cold as my heart right now, darkness engulfing every light. Sitting in the car next to Clara feels like sitting in a graveyard at 12am, filled with loneliness and fear of the unknown.
I could not even look at her, the years of misery had piled up to the brim, and had begun overflowing.
"Do you realise how awkward you made me feel? Clara's voice cut through the silence.
I remained quiet. She is trying to start another argument, can't she just wait for us to get home?
" Everyone was staring at you like you'd lost your mind" She hissed and continued.
" You must have been drunk. Who makes a speech while drunk? To embarrass me right ?" she poked me.
" What do you want from me?" I said in a low voice my back facing her as u looked out the window at the peaceful city at night maybe I could share in the peace.
" These are the things I hate about you, you never take accountability"
I swallowed saliva, took a sip of water trying to mask my irritation.
Without uttering a word I kept my gaze through the window admiring the peaceful pedestrians.
" You find pleasure in ignoring me Caspa, am I a fool to you?" Clara burst out crying.
"Caspa, I have had enough. You humiliate me every chance you get, everyone sees it."
" Clara! Clara! Please not everything is about you. Tonight was a party meant for celebration, guess what you ruined it. Now you are ruining this drive home." I said in a cold voice while still looking out the window.
In a blink I felt a hot sensation covering my entire left jaw, Clara slapped me. I swiftly turned my eyes red and fury.
" I won't take disrespect from you worst in front of our driver" my mouth dropped.
I don't understand who started all this. Who is actually disrespecting the other person?
Clara is tempting me trying to get the worst of me.
I smirked " Clara! Life is not a performance and I am tired of performing pretending to be happy."
Her eyes narrowed, her voice sharp. " Everything is a performance. And tonight, you embarrassed me. I made a mistake marrying you, I thought you were man enough. I should have married you're late father, I would have been a wealthy powerful widow now."
I clenched my jaw, feeling the storm building. " You are looking for a beast in me. I am sorry to disappoint you, you won't be getting that."
I drew closer to her held her arm tight as I looked her in the eye furry burning through my bones "You care more about appearance than about me. I cared about you when I married you, you were the weapon fashioned against me. You've turned every moment of our lives into a stage made my life miserable."
Tears run down my cheeks " Clara the life I always wanted you only didn't give me, but you destroyed every trace of hope for that life."
" Let go of me" she pulled her arm from my grip.
She smiled slowly as she whispered, " And you've turned every moment of our marriage into a disappointment."
My eyes widened I clenched to the car seat trying to get myself together before this woman makes me do something that will land me in jail.
"You thought I was going to be you're baby-making machine, you lie," she said as she burst into laughter.
" Look at you crying like a baby."
That cut deep.
My face flushed red, anger radiating off me like a furnace.
"You think you are suffering, Caspa? You think you're the only one in this miserable God forsaken marriage who's hurting?" She twisted her lips and rolled her eyes upward. " I have endured you from the day I married you, five good years. You even made things worse by you're constant annoyance about children."
Her voice broke "You sit there there trying to play the victim. Oh! Please."
I froze. Panting I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest. I sat silent for a minute breathing heavily.
Then in a calm voice I spoke to the driver " Stop the car" I opened the door and went out.
I didn't care about the time. I knew I needed air the car felt suffocating.
"Where the hell do you think you are going to.?" Clara yelled.
I gave no response, I needed to escape. I was on the verge of breaking.
The Bar was dim, wall plastered with half-torn posters of rappers, half-empty, smelling of spilled whiskey, the stench of stale cigarettes, and sweat filled the air.
I lost count of how many glasses I drank, the more I drank the pain in my chest seemed to increase, so I drank more.
Clara's voice echoed in my head like thunder.
"You thought I was going to be you're baby-making machine, you lie." The echoes continued
"You think you are suffering, Caspa? You think you're the only one in this miserable god forsaken marriage who's hurting?"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.
Maybe she was right. Our marriage was a mistake that should never have happened.
I watched my happiness slip from my hands.
"Ca.. ca.. cannnnn I have a bottttlllleeeeeeeeeee of… of… of Château de Liora? I slurred waving at the waiter.
" Sorry sir, we don't have that. Here you can have our best whiskey available, Iron Jack?
" Stop!!!" Yelled an elderly man as he walked in from behind the counter.
" You have to leave sir, we can't serve you again. You've had more than enough." He lifted my head from the table.
" Is there anyone we can call to come pick you up?"
I mumbled a name " Soph… Sooo… So… Sophi… Sophi."
I shouldn't have called her. God knows I shouldn't have. But in that moment, she was the only person who felt safe to be with, my heart knew that.
The only one who saw me through the thick skin.
When she answered, her voice was soft and angelic.
"Caspa?" She mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper.
" Hello! Caspa! Are you there?
"Sophi..!" I broke down