I followed Rivi rather numbly into the bathhouse, my mind drifting as the attendants greeted us and led us into the women's bathing area. Only when it came time for us to take off our clothes for the pre-bath wash did my mind start to come back to me.
I stared down at the black dress I was wearing for a long moment, before Rivi came over and slung her arms around me. "Do you want privacy, or do you want help?" She said softly into my ear.
She had already half-undressed and I felt the straps of her bra pressing against my back. Without thinking I grabbed her arms and leaned back into her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair.
"I'll take that as the latter then," she said, her voice still smooth and soft as silk. She began pulling my dress up over the top of my head, and I didn't resist, raising my arms to allow her to finish unclothing me.
Once the dress was off and I was left only in my undergarments, I turned in her arms to face her and wrapped her in my arms, pressing myself close to her chest. I felt that soft, warm docility I had felt when Rivi had first given me my new name, but a harsh thrum of energy running from the silver bracelets around my wrists kept me back from the brink of losing myself, even as I felt no desire to pull myself back into a more rational state.
"Hehe," She chuckled. "It's going to be hard washing ourselves, if you're going to keep clinging to me like that."
I didn't answer, only rubbing my face in the soft skin between her shoulder and her bra. "Mm," I started at last. "I guess you'll have to figure something out then."
She stayed silent for a long moment, which felt unlike her, and I looked up into her eyes at the same moment she put a hand on top of my head.
For a breath I saw again those deep, boundless eyes, like the endless starry void, and her expression and existence seemed unfathomable to me, but in a blink it was gone, and her cheeky smile had returned.
"No more of that," She said, pushing me away towards the stools where we washed ourselves.
"But we—" I picked at the strap of the bra I was still wearing.
"No buts, sit." She sat me down on one of the stools. "Now, I'll take this," She unclasped my bra and quickly pulled it off me.
"Ahh!" I covered my boobs even though she was still behind me and we currently had the bath to ourselves.
"And you better take off that lower one yourself, unless you want me to do it for you," She leaned in and whispered the last part provocatively.
"Are there towels?" I looked around. "Can I at least cover myself a bit?"
She rolled her eyes and walked over to the cubbies where we had stored our clothing, taking off her own bra in the process. I quickly looked away, staring at my own feet as I heard her footsteps padding away, pausing, and then padding back to me.
My breath grew a little heavier as she approached, and my shoulders tensed in anticipation, before startling a little as she finally wrapped a towel around me.
"Now, come on, take off your last bit of underwear so we can start the washing.
I complied, carefully holding the towel as I slid off my panties, as I wasn't used to holding the towel so high.
"Alright, I gave you that, but now I'm going to be washing your back, so if you could just put it in your lap or something, that'd be great."
I paused, clinging to my last shred of covering. After a moment she wrapped her arms around my shoulder and leaned in close. "I know this is still uncomfy for you, but you got to get used to things one step at a time, K? I promise I won't look."
I took a deep breath, grateful for the moment she was giving me, and then let my towel drop into my lap.
She took the chance to start pouring some hot water over me, before starting to scrub.
I wanted to lean backwards into her touch and enjoy the sensation, but I was frustrated with myself and with the direction things were going. What had happened to me? When had I turned into such a wimp? A panic attack at picking out dresses, not even that long after the suppressed blood awakening or the other panic attack I'd had in the jungle. I couldn't make up my mind, I was clinging to Rivi every second. I felt raw and fragile and unsteady, and I hated it.
Wasn't I supposed to be a warrior? A hero? Since when do heroes collapse in clothing stores, because of forgotten childhood memories? Everything was happening so fast, and I seemed to be turning into a person I didn't even recognize anymore. What did I even want? Who was I?
I felt the existential weight of it all pressing down on me, and I hated the fact that I even had to deal with it in the first place. I wanted to swing swords and kill monsters, to meet friends, and become popular and loved, but now it felt like an invisible weight was pressing down on me from above, like I was trapped in a hole without any idea of escape, and it all felt way too complicated and messy for me to want to deal with. But the fact that it seemed like I had to deal with it made me angry beyond belief.
Rivi rinsed the suds off my back, finishing her scrub, and I felt my fists clenching tightly in frustration.
"Silvie?" Rivi held up one of my firsts, pressing lightly against the back of my hand as if to try to smooth out the tension.
I looked up into the face of this beautiful dragon girl and a part of me became tranquil, but another part of me was still brimming with fury and doubt. I had made my decision, but was it really my decision? She had already told me about the effects of the beasts' blood running through my veins, and it felt hard not to blame everything on that, not to turn against her in anger for the things that were happening beyond my control.
But I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to turn away from this beautiful precious creature, who seemed somehow to care about me so much. "Rivi," I murmured, all the feelings still waging war in my chest. I took a deep breath, then I took the hand that she had reached out with, and I slowly brought it to my mouth and kissed it.