All I see before me is a boundless sea of clouds and a clear blue sky, but with no sun in sight, so I have no idea where the illumination here is coming from.
Golden gates block my path toward what I can only assume is a paradise of eternal rest, if the naked angels strolling behind the bars are any indication.
Bodies of every possible and fantastic shade, plump butts and firm ones, chests overflowing with divinity, and nipples that promise a nectar worthy of being served at the table of Valhalla.
-That's rude, boy- commented a face made of clouds. Features that resembled an old man, a thick beard of clouds, and eyes obscured by shadows that, again, I have no idea how they form without a clear light source.
-Uh, sorry.
-Don't worry about it. It's normal at your age to get excited when you see tits- said the head of what I can only assume is God.
-Um, Lord, God? I... Have I died or something?- I asked, unsure of the situation.
The entity turned towards me and nodded solemnly.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. To think that your life just ends like that kind of numbs your body. In fact, do I even have a body?
Curious, I examine myself from head to toe, only to find my usual form, albeit naked. As I looked at my side, I noticed another figure standing next to me. I looked closely, only to jump in surprise.
-W-w-w-what the hell!?- I screamed in shock at seeing my own body next to me. No, it wasn't my body. It was naked, like me, and its empty expression was staring at the glorious breasts of the angels on the other side of the golden bars.
-Ah, right. Ahem, you see, kid, the reason for your death was a glitch in reality. A strange one, if I may say so myself, since your soul was split in half during the process- the deity explained in a nonchalant tone, as if talking about the weather.
After his words, both my expression and that of my other half grew tense, as if our minds were trying to connect and remember my last moments alive.
I remember being at my computer, without pants after a moment of adolescent self-love. I had been watching a Naruto episode, seeing my favorite anime for perhaps the sixth time.
I remember watching the fight between the Five Kage and Madara and the humiliation the toughest Uchiha of them all subjected them to.
And then nothing. A flash of light, perhaps, and I ended up here.
-So what happens to me now?- my other half asked in a bored tone, as if none of this situation bothered him. Did that guy take my self-control or something?
-Well, normally you die and come to my kingdom or the one below, but your death was due to me being distracted for a bit, and I couldn't intervene before that reality glitch occurred.
-Excuse me?- I raised my hand as if I were in class. The deity nodded in my direction, allowing me to speak. -What's the difference between here and the kingdom below? And how does a God get distracted?
-Hmm, well, in my kingdom there are beautiful women and naked tits and butts, as you can see- he nodded toward the beautiful angels. -And in the kingdom below, it's the complete opposite. Barbarians with massive dicks who will violate you for eternity until they turn them into onaholes. That's what those who act badly in life receive.
Not even the self-control of my other half could prevent him from gasping in horror at the deity's words. Fortunately, he said that he "normally" would send us to one of those kingdoms, and this is not a normal situation.
As if reading our minds, God continued explaining.
-Look, even I can get distracted, and to be honest with you, would you blame me? I mean, look at those women! In any case, those glitches sometimes happen. People disappearing out of nowhere, people going to other worlds, trucks killing unfortunate Japanese people, or the time Tunguska exploded.
He stared at us intently, as if thinking about something before nodding to himself.
-Well, as compensation for my carelessness and, out of my mercy for not sending you to the kingdom below, how about we make a deal? I send you to a world of my choosing, and you get another chance to do good in life and reach this kingdom- the entity proposed.
My other self looked at me, and I looked at him. A mutual nod motivated us to accept this agreement.
We both know the dirty things we did, said, and watched on the internet. Obviously, we were going to be condemned to an eternity as femboys being used as toys by some big guy.
This was better than nothing, right?
-Good, good. To make things interesting, let's do this... Given that the last thing you saw before you died was Naruto, and your last conscious thought was about the Kage of that story... Why don't we have a lottery on who you will reincarnate as?
-W-wait! You'll send us to the Naruto world!?- I asked, alarmed and a little excited.
-No. You know that story too well, and it would be too unfair. You will simply gain the abilities of one of the Naruto Kage, but you will be reborn in another world. One that you don't know too much about and that you harshly criticized in life. You will go to the world of My Hero Academia- the God stated solemnly.
-Why there, man?- my other self complained. -That anime is shit.
-I like it- the head of clouds said coldly, an terrifying pressure invading us at that moment. I looked at my other self with irritation and desperation, conveying with my gaze that he should shut up.
-Hmph, whatever. Let's start spinning the wheel.
After his words, a kind of wheel made of light appeared, divided into sections where there were silhouettes of characters, some more recognizable than others.
The wheel spun for a few seconds. I crossed my fingers, desperately wishing I would get Hashirama Senju. Or at the very least, Tobirama.
To my horror, the wheel stopped, and the blinking arrow pointed to a slender figure with long hair. A chill went down my spine, and my spectral mouth went dry.
-Mei Terumi, not bad, boy. You'll be a great beauty- the entity said with a wink in my direction.
I fell to my knees in disbelief. My voice trembled as I asked, with a last drop of hope in my tone.
-L-Lord God? Um, will I be reborn with her abilities, but as a man?
-No- was the simple answer. I instinctively put my hands around my precious friend, as if to protect it from all harm.
-Well, let's move on to you, serious guy- the deity said, and the wheel spun again. Surprise returned to our faces, and my other self looked questioningly at the deity.
-What? Your soul was split, and I'm too lazy to put you back together. It's not an easy process, you know- he shrugged.
Finally, the wheel stopped and landed on a silhouette that none of us found familiar until the image took on color and brightness.
-Third Kazekage of Sunagakure... Interesting. Iron Sand is quite useful. Well, there you have it, brats. Go have a life worthy of entering my kingdom and enjoying pretty tits for eternity. Don't waste this second and last chance, as not everyone is granted one.
With that declaration, our consciousness was sent far away, and our adventure began-or my adventure- as two shinobi in a world of heroes and villains.
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I forgot: this is not my fan-fic. Translation from spanish server~