The three boys were piled into the cab of Rich's truck. Rich shifted gears to merge into downtown Plano's Saturday morning traffic. People were wearing light jackets. Leaves were starting to turn. At long last, the heat had broken, and autumn arrived in Texas.
"Ugh," Bryce groaned. He was sitting in the middle and not quite hunched over. 'Everything hurts," the chubby boy complained, hiding behind bangs that hung like a curtain over his eyes.
"You did very well, Bryce," Rich praised him. He checked his rearview mirror before switching lanes. "In fact, you deserve a treat. Pumpkin spice lattes are back at Starbucks! We're about to enter our basic boy era. All we need are some Ugg boots, and we'll be set."
"Basic boy," Beni repeated from the passenger seat. "Is that another thing you made up, Richard?"
Oh, so he was "Richard" now that Beni and Becca were a couple? Beni wasn't slick! "Louisiana slang," Rich lied easily. It was his go-to explanation for anything incongruous he did or said that didn't fit the year 2005. "It's derogatory, but I'm reclaiming it!"
"How can you 'reclaim' something that doesn't exist? You made it up, I know you did!" Beni's bullshit detector was, unfortunately, quite good. Even so, Rich went with a game plan of "deny, deny, deny".
"You just lack imagination, dear Benito." If he was Richard, Beni could be Benito.
"Only my abuela calls me that!" the pretty boy complained. Rich saw the silver streak in Beni's hair flick like a poodle's tail in the rear-view mirror, an impotent gesture.
"Anyway," Rich segued, "it's fall, and fall is basic boy season. Basic boys like comfort, and that means oversized sweaters, leggings, fluffy fur-lined boots, and pumpkin everything! Starbucks is basic boy ground zero."
"Oh my goddess, you're planning to start a trend." Beni sounded terrified. "It'll really work too. The most popular boy in school, the star quarterback's boyfriend, starts dressing a certain way, and we, his minions, will start doing the same..."
"You're not my minions!" Rich denied it. "I'm just, I don't know, trying to introduce you both to fun stuff. What's the point of being a boy if you can't have fun, you know?"
Beni had no answer to that. Funnily enough, it was Bryce who spoke up next. "Hot boys are nothing like I thought they'd be," he said with genuine wonder.
"Oh?" Rich pulled in and got into the long line at the Starbucks drive-through.
"Yeah, you know, I thought it would be like that movie, Mean Boys, but you both are nothing like that."
"Hollywood lies," Rich explained. "Movies also say jocks are all jerks. Beni and I both have girlfriends on the football team; neither of them is a jerk. In fact, most movies are written by resentful losers who want to believe the popular kids are assholes, but the truth is nobody likes them because of the way they act."
"Yeah, some of the girls in band are like that," Bryce agreed. "They complain that boys like bad girls, but they don't realize how bad their personalities are. They're really selfish and don't care about a boy's feelings at all. I've been used so many times..." he trailed off.
An uncomfortable silence followed. Rich put a comforting hand on Beni's shoulder. "You don't have to worry about that anymore. Julie will deal with any band geek girl who spreads rumors about you."
Bryce started tearing up, and Rich and Beni gave him a nice little double hug. "Fuck those losers," Beni said. "I had rumors spread about me last year. It's the worst. Things are so much nicer since Rich became the king bee."
Rich was the "king bee"? News to him. "Anyway, let me order right quick, looks like we're next in line."
"Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get for you today?" said a voice from the speaker when he rolled down his window; he had to do it manually on his old truck. That was out of date even in 2005.
"Three venti pumpkin spice lattes please!" God, the prices on this menu were radicalizing. A Starbucks run for three costs this little? Inflation was the devil.
"What's so special about pumpkin spice anyway?" Beni asked, reaching into his purse.
Rich held up a hand. "I've got this." The fatness of his bank account was ridiculous at this point. Tips were fat, and everything was cheap. Could time stop passing, please?
"Rich, Rich boy," Beni said in a sing-song voice. "Don't tell me being a waiter pays this well."
"It does, and Julie pays for everything when we're together. I hardly spend money on anything. Treating you two is no problem."
"Is Chili's hiring?" Bryce asked hopefully, then his face fell. "I'm not hot like you, so I wouldn't get as many tips."
"We gotta work on your self-esteem, Bryce. It's only been a week. Give me a month, two tops, and you'll start liking the way you look."
Bryce sank into his seat. "But this is torture! I've never been so sore in my life."
"Pain is temporary, my friend. Being a baddie is forever."
"Baddie?" Beni said sharply. "Now you're going too far, Rich! That's two new words in one day!"
"Oh, sorry, looks like it's time to pull up to the window." Rich ignored Beni and paid for their drinks. A minute later, the worker handed them three pumpkin spice lattes. "Oh, I can already smell them," Rich said in delight. "No more thoughts, boys, just fall goodness." He passed his friends their drinks.
"I still don't see what's so special about," Beni took an experimental sip, "oh wow."
Rich barked out a laugh. "Oh wow, is right! You try yours too, Bryce. Come on, admit I know what I'm talking about."
"Mmmmmm," Beni and Bryce vocalized how much they were enjoying their drinks. Yes, the basic boy era had begun.
After he dropped Bryce off at his house the mood in the truck instantly shifted. "So you're Future Hero," Beni said. It wasn't a question.
"Yeah," Rich admitted. They'd been dancing around each other the whole Starbucks run. "What gave me away?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe how Becca calls you on the bat phone, and you're right there immediately after a monster attacks us, oh, and how my date had a laser pistol tucked into her waistband. There's just not many ways to explain that."
"Well, when you put it like that..." Rich almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of this conversation. "I was following you two, not for any creepy reason, but I've sort of developed a sense of when Stinger will pull something. The museum exhibit website was suspicious as hell."
Beni gave Rich a flat look. "Becca's little hero act wasn't planned right?" He looked into Rich's eyes, scanning for deception, bullshit detector set to maximum.
"Definitely not," Rich replied honestly. "I told her she's supposed to avoid conflict whenever possible. She doesn't have powers like I do." He held up the heart-shaped amethyst ring on his ring hand.
"I've always admired that ring," Beni said, taking Rich's hand in his own. "You're special, Richard. It was obvious from the first time I met you. But what happens now?"
Rich shrugged. "Whatever you want. You still like Becca?" He braced for Beni's answer. Losing her first love so soon would really break his sister's heart.
"Of course!" Beni stated emphatically. "She's dreamy and, I won't lie, my heart fluttered like crazy when she rescued me from that Egyptian monster. Did you see how it looked at me? I was so scared! Being protected like that...isn't that every boy's dream?"
Well, that was a load off of Rich's mind. "I mean, do you want to be brought in to the team? It might take a little while, but Reka could get you a communicator and a blaster. It won't be very effective against a big monster, but it's better than nothing."
Beni blinked in confusion. "Wait...Reka? You mean Mrs. Fekete? Her, too?"
"Yeah, she's like, I don't know, our technical advisor. Mentor, maybe?"
"I'll think about it, but I'm not really an 'action' kind of boy, Rich. I might break a nail."
They both laughed uproariously.
***
"Prima, I'm home!" Rich called out. Geez, this house was empty more often than not these days. Everyone had their little activities. Dad was Esther's date to a campaign fundraiser. Yeah, their relationship was moving a lot faster than he had first anticipated. His father was wearing makeup more often, dressing more fashionably, and wasn't moping nearly as much. Rich hoped he was healing. If anybody deserved happiness, it was him.
"Ricardo, you've finished getting coffee? I was worried for you." His cousin dropped whatever she was doing to greet him after he got home. It was nice.
"Worried about what?" Yesenia was holding her cowboy hat in her hand, clutching it hard enough to ruin it.
The look in her eyes said, "Are you serious?" Here mouth said, "Stinger, foolish boy. Rebeca was attacked only recently. You must be more careful!"
She doesn't know I'm Future Hero, Rich thought. He could take anything Stinger could dish out. "I've still got some of my latte left. Want a sip?" He jiggled it in front of her.
Yesenia looked like she wanted to refuse, but eventually she cracked. "Oh, fine!" On taking a sip, her tune immediately changed. "That's quite good, actually. In fact, it gives me an idea. You'll excuse me while I get to work. My deadline is quite strict."
Rich held up a hand. "Wait! We were planning a trip to the pumpkin patch tomorrow. Would you like to come? It seems like you're always the one sitting things out when we go anywhere. I want you to feel included, Yesenia. You're my family too!"
The pain those words triggered on his cousin's face told Rich that it was exactly the wrong thing to say. "Padre de Dios!" she exclaimed in frustration. Several emotions cycled through his cousin's face before it went blank. The last expression was definitely resignation. "Forgive me, Ricardo, but work won't wait," she said tightly, and went back to her room.
There was something she wasn't telling him, but Rich had no idea what it could be.
***
Becca and Beni couldn't keep their hands off each other in the back seat of Julie's BMW. Rich was wearing an incredibly comfy loose wool sweater that hung down to mid-thigh. Yoga pants weren't really a thing yet, but he had some tight jeans tucked into Ugg boots he bought just for today. Soon, all the boys would be basic together. Setting this trend would be his most important mission yet.
"Ready to pick out your pumpkin, babe?" he asked his girlfriend.
The corner of Julie's mouth lifted just a bit, the ghost of a smile. "I love how you get into the holidays so much, like you make everything an event."
Rich just preened and glanced back at his sister. Those two were absurdly close, with Beni huddled up next to her like a baby bird under its mother's wing. They were too cute, honestly.
Bryce pleaded soreness from their first week of workouts, so it was just the four of them on a nice little double date. Becca, bless her, was still pretty tongue-tied around Beni, but his friend was treating his sister pretty gently, so it was sweet rather than pathetic.
When they got to the pumpkin patch, Rich enjoyed the pleasant crunch of dry leaves under his feet. Orange and red and yellow, cool yet warm, it was the perfect palette. Little pleasures were best, after all. After this, they were planning to get "breakfast for lunch" at the local Waffle House. All in all, it would be the perfect Sunday outing.
That was, until, entirely unsurprisingly, Stinger decided to fuck with Richard's life.
One of the pumpkins, the biggest one, in fact, turned out to be more than meets the eye. A robotic woman emerged from inside it with an espresso machine for a right hand and a metallic fist in the other.
"Hohoho, who wants to spice up their life?" she taunted, standing eight feet tall if she was an inch.
Rich sighed tiredly. "Wrong holiday, bitch!"
Everyone looked at him oddly after that outburst, then he sniffed the air once. Was that...
He sniffed again. How dare? That robot smelled like pumpkin spice! "Blasphemy!" he cried in outrage. "How dare you ruin my basic bitch era?"
The robot looked at him oddly. Could robots get confused? Some of Stinger's creations were pretty lifelike. Well, no matter. He raised his ring:
"From a future dark
To a post not set,
Stinger hasn't won just yet,
With Pureheart Power, a noble mission,
Come forth! Future Hero! Henshin!"
Once again, the avenger of fall and all things comfy boys love exploded onto the scene! Future Hero would show no mercy! "Have at you, fiend!"
In his rage, he flew at the robot, clear across the pumpkin patch. "Future Kic-"
"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Rich was rolling on the ground in pain. That espresso machine, though short-range, had a ton of water pressure, and scalded him with pumpkin spice latte like a firehose. "Ah, the goggles, they do nothing!"
Future Hero was blinded! How could something so good turn to evil?
"Mind the warning label, Future Hero!" the robot taunted. "That coffee is hot! Be careful not to burn yourself!"
Rich couldn't see, but he could feel the ground shake as the big robot approached to finish him off.
"Not today!" He reached for Future Blaster and blind-fired in the direction of the robot's voice. People were screaming, fleeing in all directions. It wasn't safe. Good thing there was a quarry nearby!
Having gone there so many times, Rich could run there blind. In the Endram Armor, he could run faster than any Olympic sprinter. The rumbling ground told him the robot was not far behind, chasing him just as he anticipated. Thankfully, his vision cleared by the time they made it to the quarry.
Rich and the robot circled one another, neither daring to get too close. The espresso machine it had for a hand was strong, but had a limited range. He definitely couldn't afford to get hit by it again.
GACHOW! GACHOW!
So fast!
It was also, apparently, a perfect shield.
"Hohoho, my coffee is the strongest, Future Hero!" The robot held up its right arm, still smoking from where Rich's blaster bolts struck ineffectively.
GACHOW!
Future Hero fired again, and sure enough, the robot intercepted the bolt with the strongest espresso machine ever built, moving into the path of his incoming fire as quick as lightning. It was an absolute defense! Unless...
I'll only get one chance at this, Rich thought. He held Future Blaster in his left hand while holding Future Edge in his right, dual-wielding for the first time.
"Get into the holiday spirit, Future Hero!" The robot started advancing aggressively.
GACHOW!
Rich fired low at the robot's legs, and the robot extended its right arm downward, placing the espresso machine to block, right in range of his sword slash!
GASHAK!
With one smooth swing, he severed the robot's arm at the elbow, causing the espresso machine from hell to fall limply to the ground. Rich could smell as boiling pumpkin spice latte spurt like blood. It smelled so good, temporarily distracting him. Oh, right!
"This is the last autumn you'll ruin, pumpkin bitch!"
Without the espresso machine to ward him off, Future Hero closed in for the kill and decapitated the pumpkin spice robot with a wild backhanded slash.
"In...season...for a...limited...time..." the severed head said on the ground while the body walked around aimlessly. Exposed circuits touched the rapidly expanding pool of pumpkin spice latte, causing an explosion of flavor. Nothing remained but the pleasant aroma of October.
"BASIC BOYS FOREVER!" Future Hero roared in triumph.