The day after Hosu was returned to peace thanks to my heroic efforts.
I'd been injured during my life-or-death struggle with the human ragdoll, so I was currently admitted to Hosu General Hospital alongside Shoto and Four-eyes.
Since I have the natural charisma of a top-tier idol no matter where I go, I was a massive hit at the hospital too. I was fully prepared to enjoy a leisurely life in bed, surrounded by fame and all the snacks I could ever want—or so I would have liked to say. The reality was a single word: heartless.
"No! Stop! Don't take them!"
The "White Devils" were currently plundering my snacks.
With three of them pinning me down, the most I could do was wail in protest. It was a gruesome scene of exploitation. Merciless robbery. My mountain of treats was slowly vanishing before my eyes.
"It's not 'don't take them,' Midoriya! Honestly, you! Munch, munch, munch, ever since yesterday! You've been eating nothing but snacks! You're being served three proper meals a day! Make do with those!"
"Oh, for goodness' sake! The bed is covered in crumbs!"
"I thought we cleared these out this morning! How is there already another pile?! Hey! You boys! Stop feeding her!"
The White Devils pinning me down barked in unison.
"I hate hospital food! It's bland! It's tasteless! That's stuff for old geezers!"
In response to my desperate plea, the leader of the trio—the Boss Devil who was holding me down with the most strength—wore the expression of a demon.
"It's designed that way for nutritional management! We aren't aiming for flavor, so of course it's like that! Besides, don't take it out on us, okay?! Every single time! Honestly, I can't fathom how anyone could eat this much junk!"
"Senior! You can't say that! You're a nurse, remember? A nurse! Please, sugarcoat it a little more!"
"...I actually quite like it, though," another whispered.
""SHUT UP, YOU TASTELESS FREAK!""
"How mean!"
While I was distracted by the White Devils' little comedy routine, the last bar of chocolate from the pile was confiscated. The snacks I'd had—enough to last a lifetime—had all fallen into the hands of the enemy.
"Senior I'm finished with the recovery"
The voice of the ditsy White Devil echoed through the room. I thanked whatever stars were left that she was only the retrieval specialist and waited for the storm to pass.
"...Hm?"
The Boss Devil's eyes narrowed as if she'd noticed something about my behavior.
"...You're being awfully quiet, Midoriya."
"Eh? N-No I'm not? I have no idea what you're talking about. Stop it! Help me!"
"..."
"..."
The Boss Devil scanned the area around the bed before zeroing in on my pillow.
"Check inside the pillowcase!"
"NOOOOOOOO!"
The pillowcase was ruthlessly yanked open. The snacks I'd stuffed inside as a substitute for a cushion came raining down onto the bed.
"...Confiscate them!"
"Waaaaah! You're monsters! Demons! Cake-faced hags!"
"You want me to confiscate your soul too?! Huh?! Adults have to wear makeup! Pores, breakouts—it might be fine when you're young, but it starts to stand out eventually! You'd better prepare yourself! Youth doesn't last forever! To have skin like this... wait, what?!"
The Boss Devil, who had reached out to pinch my cheek, froze. Her face was a mask of pure shock.
"Y-You... this skin... surely you aren't... bare-faced right now...?"
"No makeup?!"
"Wait, seriously?!"
The intensity of the devils surrounding me was so terrifying that I simply gave a truthful nod.
At that, the Boss Devil collapsed onto the bed, burying her face in the sheets.
"DAMMIT ALLLLLLLL!"
"To think it's no different from my two-hour routine!!"
"Why didn't I take better care of myself when I was younger?! WHYYYYY?!"
It was a cry from the depths of her soul.
"Ahaha, man, life is tough, isn't it? I'm still young, so I don't really get it"
In that instant, I sensed six murderous glints of light piercing the ditsy nurse. Sensing her imminent demise, I promised to give her all my snacks in the next life and watched as she was dragged away to her fate. Poor fool. The pheasant that crows is the one that gets shot.
Rest in peace!
+++
"Women sure have it rough."
"I don't understand it at all."
Once the White Devils had departed, I began eating the snacks I'd had Shoto hide for me. Meanwhile, Four-eyes and Shoto started talking about yesterday's incident.
Four-eyes was apologizing again. He was doing those jerky, robotic movements with his one good arm. If his left arm hadn't been immobilized by his injuries, I'm sure he would have been double-cranking those robot arms. Seriously, what is up with that movement?
"Midoriya, you want this too?"
As I was munching away, Shoto held out a bag that looked like it contained snacks. It wasn't one of the ones I'd entrusted to him. That meant it was his... wait, did he have snacks too?
...Ah, maybe it was an offering from the Baldy? I remember he got some gifts.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I don't particularly like sweet things."
"I see."
I accepted it gratefully, but the contents turned out to be rice crackers. Traditional style...!
"...They're mostly the salty kind. Actually, there aren't any sweet ones at all... Oh, wait, there are salt-steamed buns. And... salt jelly?"
"Is that so? I didn't look at the contents, so I didn't know."
"Hey, are you sure? You can eat the salty ones, right? Man, the Baldy really knows your tastes, doesn't he?"
"It's probably just a coincidence. Besides, it's not that I can't eat sweet things. I just don't especially like them."
There is no way this specific of a choice is a coincidence. And listen, no one sends sweets to someone who talks like that.
There was no point in pushing the issue, so I dropped it. Eating alone is boring, so I broke the crackers into pieces and shared them with Four-eyes and Shoto. Four-eyes accepted with a wry smile, but Shoto shook his head. "I already gave them to you," he insisted.
Ugh, he's so high-maintenance.
I ignored him and stuffed a piece into his mouth, and he ate it without complaint. I could practically see a fluffy aura radiating from him. Did he really like soy sauce crackers that much?
"Want another piece?"
"...Yeah. Please."
"I'm not saying 'please'! What the hell are you doing?!"
Just as I was enjoying the feeling of feeding a baby chick, Kacchan appeared, screaming at the top of his lungs. He was in top form today, absolutely livid as usual.
"You want one too, Kacchan? I've got garlic crackers. These are probably spicy. You like spicy stuff, right?"
"Hah?! ...Tch. Give it here!"
He tried to act like he didn't want it, but since he clearly did, I gave him a fair share. And not just a piece—a whole, unbroken cracker. I even took it out of a fresh, unopened pack. Man, I'm so kind. I'm basically an angel.
And yet, Kacchan made a weird face.
"What's up?"
"...Nothing, you damn brat."
Kacchan took the cracker and started crunching away with a scowl. Despite his expression, it seemed like he really liked them. I handed him another one as a bonus.
Honestly, he could at least say "thanks." Seriously.
"Crackers, eh? Mind if I have one too?"
While I was busy making offerings to Kacchan, the old man—Gran Torino—walked into the room.
"Oh, Mini-Gramps. What kind do you want? You want a soft, soy-glazed one?"
"Haha, nah, give me a hard one. A cracker's gotta have some crunch. Thanks. Anyway, listen up. I've got something to discuss... Okay, come on in. Everyone's here."
At his words, a man in an unremarkable light-blue suit and a large, well-built man with the head of a dog entered the room.
It looked like some serious talk was about to start, so I tossed Shoto his promised cracker, jammed my earphones in, and prepared to go to sleep—only for Kacchan to immediately snatch the earphones out of my ears and stop me.
Dammit.
"Alright, listen up. This is Kenji Tsuragamae, the Chief of the Hosu Police Force."
"You may stay seated, woof."
He actually added "woof" to the end of his sentence. Is that a character quirk?
From there, Mr. Dog gave us a lecture. It was long and a bit hard to follow, but the gist was: "People without licenses aren't allowed to use their Quirks to hurt people, even if they're villains."
Well, yeah. Fair enough.
As the conversation went on, he mentioned that the human ragdoll was in critical condition due to the Quirk attacks. Shoto got heated and yelled, "So what were we supposed to do?! Just stand there and let him kill everyone?!" To which Mr. Dog replied, "You can't just ignore the rules even if the result is good. That would be bad, woof."
Wait, did he say it in a regional dialect? No, that was just my mental filter acting up.
In the end, it was decided that the incident would be covered up. The public wouldn't be told the truth, provided the heroes who were supposed to be supervising us took the official punishment instead.
"We don't want to leave a stain on the bright futures of such promising young people, woof!" he said.
If the police were fine with it, I had no complaints. It was a choice in name only, so I gave my silent agreement. However, apparently the footage of my finishing move on the ragdoll had already leaked online, so there was no way to bury that part. Since it happened while I was being held as a hostage, it was likely going to be ruled as justifiable self-defense.
Also, one more thing. There would be no official commendations.
But I worked so hard!!
Mr. Dog gave us an off-the-record "thank you," and the matter was more or less settled.
After the busy-looking Chief and the group of heroes left, I was still thinking about the way Mr. Dog talked. I decided to make a suggestion to Kacchan, who was currently occupying the stool next to my bed.
"...Kacchan. Hey, Kacchan."
"What, you idiot?"
"Why don't you try adding a word to the end of your sentences? Like 'boom' or something. I think 'kaboom' would be cute, boom."
"Why the hell are you already using it?! And like hell I'm doing that, idiot."
Rejected, boom.
"Midoriya, if we're doing that, what would mine be?"
For some reason, Shoto actually seemed interested. What is wrong with this guy?
"For you? How about 'scorch' or 'chill'? You could say them both."
"'Scorch,' 'chill'...? Like this? —Scorch-chill."
"I don't think you're supposed to say it like a magic spell."
You have to put it at the end of the sentence, at least. I felt a bit sorry for him, so I made a suggestion to Four-eyes, too.
"I think you should go with 'specs' or 'lenses' or just 'glasses.'"
"Sigh... the moment I get my glasses back, I'm back to being called 'Four-eyes.' Honestly, I thought this would be the chance for you to finally use my name... but whatever. It's a minor thing, specs."
He actually used it perfectly.
Seeing the way Four-eyes did it, Shoto got a "Eureka!" look on his face. He definitely didn't understand, but he looked like he really wanted to try, so I let him.
"I understand, scorch-chill. It's like this, scorch-chill?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure. Not bad."
"Todoroki! She's been tricking you this whole time!"
After being talked out of it by Four-eyes, Shoto stopped using the verbal tic. It would have been so much fun if he'd kept doing it until we got back to school.
What a shame.
***
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