"I've come to submit my volunteer application…," Hayama said to Yukinoshita when he noticed her.
"Applications are to the right, at the rear," she responded, hands still flying across the keyboard. She would get zero points in customer service for that, but, well, this was Yukinoshita, so there was no helping that.
It seemed Hayama understood that well enough, as he headed over to apply with a smooth "Thank you."
Now Hayama had done what he came to do, but strangely, he was still here. In fact, he came right up to me. "…Are you down some people?"
Oh, that. "Yeah, kinda."
"Hmm…" He combed up the hair on the back of his neck in thought.
Hey, if your hair is irritating you, then cut it off. Actually, what was weirdly irritating was his presence, although that was nothing new. "So…did you want something?" I asked, unable to take it any longer, and he grinned at me.
"Oh, not really. I'm just waiting for my documents to be evaluated. She said she was going to look and see if there was anything missing."
Is that all? So why is he standing right next to me? I wondered, but then I remembered he was just like that. I don't know why, but these types form groups even when they have no real reason to. I guess when they see a face they know, they're just unable to keep themselves from approaching it. It's less uncomfortable if you just think of the habit as something a puppy would do.
Meanwhile, we got another guest, and yet another.
The volunteer groups weren't the only ones who needed to fill out applications for their presentations; classes and clubs did, too. For volunteers, we also had to keep the stage situation and equipment issues in mind, which was part of Volunteer Management's jurisdiction, but the executives handled all other applications. For anything regarding foodstuffs, Health and Sanitation would be sent to handle that, and they would be the ones to evaluate and approve it.
The due date for applications was coming up, and this contributed to the particularly large number of visitors that day. But this rush was poorly timed, and there weren't enough people at each counter, so things were starting to get chaotic. That was when we started getting some applicants who didn't know where to go.
One confused-looking girl, probably in first year, didn't know what to do and came over to talk. To Hayama…to Hayama. "Um…I'm volunteering…"
"Applications for volunteer groups go over there." He helped her so naturally, it was like he was on the committee himself. Obviously, that invited some misunderstandings, so all the people who had come in with their applications were going, Oh, you ask Hayama, you ask Hayama!
"I don't know how to fill this out… Could you help me with this?"
"Oh, if you don't mind getting help from me."
I think that girl is probably asking because it's you, Hayama.
While Hayama was explaining it to her in-depth, a line formed behind her.
"Come give me a hand," Hayama said to me.
"Ah, hey—" Before I knew it, I'd been roped into this, too. Did the girls who were turned over to me look disappointed for a moment? Well, yeah.
Hayama and I both had our hands full, and we processed the line as best we could. Meguri hurried in, too, and the three of us managed the crowd until the application rush had passed.
"Sorry. Thank you!" When things had finally settled down for the time being, Meguri poured some tea. For Hayama…for Hayama. Well, she must have felt awkward for making a nonmember like him help out. It's just, um, I was doing work outside my jurisdiction, too, though…sniffle.
Hayama thanked Meguri as he sipped his drink and then asked, "Do you have enough help?"
"I don't know the whole situation," I said. "Us underlings have our hands full with our own responsibilities."
"So what are you in charge of?"
"Records and Miscellaneous," I replied.
"Ah." Apparently, that made sense to him. "That's very you." You trying to start a fight here?
Having seen the situation firsthand, Hayama seemed to have a general grasp on what was happening. He nodded with a know-it-all look. "I see. Must be rough, then."
"…Oh, not really." There wasn't really any problem. Exactly the opposite: The problem was that there were no problems.
Yukinoshita was dealing with just about everything herself. She had the skills, she had a certain degree of authority as the vice-chair, and what's more, without any work to do for her club or her class, she had nothing but time. Even with about half the committee skipping out, she managed to cover for them all.
"But from what I can see, Yukinoshita is doing just about everything." Hayama turned around and tried to get Yukinoshita's attention.
Yukinoshita had been silent for a while, but she couldn't resist Hayama's warm gaze. It was like he was waiting for a reply. So she said, "…Yes, this is most effective."
"But you'll burn out soon." It was an unusually harsh way to put it for a guy like Hayato Hayama.
Meguri reacted to the change in mood with anxiety.
The only sound in the room was the clickity-clack of the keyboard.
"…"
That was true. Yukinoshita couldn't argue that.
"You should really start relying on other people before it's too late," said Hayama.
"You think so? Actually, I disagree," I said, and Hayama gave me a hard look in the eye, waiting for me to continue. "A lot of things really do go faster when Yukinoshita does it on her own. Fewer losses, and that's a plus, right? Most of all, trusting people with responsibility is exhausting. And when you're so much more capable than they are, that goes double." We—or at least I—can't trust people to handle stuff.
If things don't go well for you and you alone, you have only yourself to blame, and you don't get the urge to pawn off responsibility. You can't bring yourself to resent someone else for it. And not out of kindness or a sense of accountability. It's because when it's you, you can let it go, but when someone else has done it to you, you can't. Living your life thinking If she'd only done this then or If he'd just done his job is oppressive, painful, and miserable.
So it's better to do it yourself.
Because when it's only your own regret, all you have to do is mourn.
Hayama narrowed his eyes just slightly and then gave a short, slightly pitying sigh. "…Will it work out if you do it that way?"
"Hmm?"
"If things go well, that's fine, but right now, you're not managing everything, and it won't be long before it all falls apart. The most important thing is to make this work, right? If so, you should change the way you do things."
"Ngh…" Just gonna sail on in here with your perfect arguments, huh, Hayama? Wait, wasn't that a place famous for making black tea? He's argued me down with assam real flair.
While I was moaning, I heard a quiet "You're…right." It seemed his remark had hit Yukinoshita where it hurt, too. Her hands had gone still over the keyboard.
But Yukinoshita had no one to rely on. If Yuigahama were around, things probably would have been different, though.
"So…I'll help out," said Hayama.
"But you're not on the committee…" Meguri attempted to refuse him.
Hayama smiled in reply. "No, I'll just handle the coordination of the volunteer groups. As their representative."
His proposal was attractive. Unlike the classes and clubs, which had clear representatives and systems for giving them directions, the volunteer groups and their presentations varied in composition and content, and dealing with each one appropriately would get very complicated. If the groups could do that for themselves, then the burden on Volunteer Management—the burden on Yukinoshita, to be blunt—could be significantly reduced. Furthermore, it did make its own sort of sense for the volunteer participants to coordinate independently.
Meguri wavered for a moment, but then she raised her head and smiled shyly. "If that's all it is, all right. It would be great if we could ask you to do it."
"How about it?" Hayama asked Yukinoshita.
She put her hand to her chin and considered for a while. "…"
"Relying on other people is important, too, Yukinoshita," Meguri admonished her kindly.
Hayama and Meguri were not wholly wrong. It was wonderful. Touching. What a lovely expression of fellowship.
That was all well and good for people accustomed to getting help. They can rely on people without hesitation. To cooperate and work together: What truly wonderful things those must be.
But I wasn't going to praise those acts with blind conviction. I mean, that's what they were doing, right?
If participating with the group is wonderful, if it's such a good thing, then is working by yourself a bad thing? Why do you have to reject people who work hard alone?
I couldn't allow that.
"…I'm sure it's important to rely on others, but right now, we've got nothing but reliers. Relying by itself is fine, but some of these people are using." It came out more aggressive than I'd expected. When I noticed Meguri had gone pale, I played it off as a joke. I didn't want the guilt of freaking out such a pleasant and comforting beauty. "Specifically, you know, um… Oh! Yeah, like the people dumping off work on me. Man, that's some pretty heinous stuff. I can't avoid getting off my ass this time around…but that means no one else gets to take it easy, either!"
"You really are the worst, aren't you?" Meguri shot back cheerfully. She must have taken it as a joke, then.
"I'll help you out, too." Hayama smiled wryly.
Yukinoshita sighed very quietly. "It's true—it does seem that much of the burden has been shifted to the miscellaneous section, so I'll reconsider the assignments. Since Meguri has judged it appropriate as well, I'll accept your proposal. I'm grateful… I'm sorry." Her eyes never left her computer the whole time. It wasn't even clear who she had apologized to.
I'm sure a blithe interpretation was that Yukinoshita was being considerate for my sake, but I hadn't really been sticking up for her. There was no reason for her to apologize to me, either. I really just can't stand people who dump their work off on others so they can take it easy.
I hate it when people who are putting in a diligent effort get the short end of the stick. I can't turn a blind eye when the people who are seriously tackling the matters at hand are stuck doing the dirty work.
That's all.
I mean, it's not like I'd helped at all anyway. In fact, I'd created a new task: redistributing the workload. I was about as useless as you could get.
"Guess I'm on the team, then,"
"Tomorrow, I'll try contacting the people I can get ahold of, too." Hayama smiled broadly, and Meguri gave an encouraging nod.
"We're really short on people…"
A week later at a committee meeting, there were even fewer attendees than before. It wasn't even worth comparing. Aside from Yukinoshita, I could only see a handful of the executives around.
Meguri groaned helplessly. "I did contact people. Maybe I should have said upfront that Sagami's proposal was no good…," she said, apologetic.
She must have been referring to Sagami's earlier claim that the classes were important, too.
Yukinoshita's hand stopped flipping through documents. "It's no problem. I will handle the review and approval of applications from each section myself. I believe we'll be able to proceed without issue to finalization." Things seemed to be moving along smoothly, perhaps because of the reallocation of labor.
Maybe I got this from some manga or anime, but they say that only 20 percent of ants work seriously. Another 20 percent of them don't work at all. As for the remaining 60 percent, they sometimes work and sometimes don't. It seems this is also true of humans.
The point is that 60 percent are reading the vibe to determine which group to side with. Or possibly, they court both groups just enough to avoid causing discord.
The way things were headed with the cultural committee right then, the odds weren't looking good for the hardworking ants. It wasn't like people were deliberately not attending. But an unspoken rule was brewing: You don't have to go.
Everyone gets vaguely more at ease when they have numbers on their side. It's true; you feel like If everyone else is doing it, then I guess I'm good, too. So in a manner of speaking, working hard wasn't the trend for the cultural committee.
I'd become part of the minority—again. At this point, it even felt like destiny.
But even among those remaining few, some people were actually giving it their all. As you'd expect, the student council had a strong sense of responsibility and unity. They were playing an active part in both their regular duties as student council members and also as executives of the cultural committee.
Perhaps they accomplished this feat due to the natural virtues of their leader, Meguri. That day, like every day, the student council members were working together to support their pleasant but still somewhat featherbrained president.
Meguri was trying hard to respond in turn, too. She went around addressing all the executives and each person in attendance. "We don't have a big crowd, but we do have regular attendees, so there's nothing for it but to give it our best. I'm counting on you, okay?"
"Ha-ha-ha, thanks, I guess…," I replied. She'd even come to talk to me, too. Phew… If she'd skipped me and no one else, I really might not have shown up the next day.
I put down my bag and checked my tasks for the day. Recently, we'd been chipping away at the work, so quite a lot of progress had been made. At this rate, if I worked hard, it wouldn't be long before I was done.
I was slowly muddling through my work when I felt a couple of taps on my shoulder.
When I turned around, there was Hayama carrying a bunch of files. Even though hardly any others were showing up, Hayama still came in now and then. In fact, he was going out of his way to come and work. Of course, it wasn't every day, but it seemed like he was making the effort when he had the time.
Hayama was a good guy.
"Sorry to get you in the middle of work," he said. "Help me consolidate these equipment applications. It'll just be thirty minutes."
"O-okay…" Not only had he given me a fixed timeline, he'd also clearly described what we were doing, so I couldn't find any reason to refuse. Not a bad way of roping a guy into something.
He was the ideal manager. And now, I was undeniably working under him. Ahhh, I want to die.
We were silently chugging along when someone opened the door with a big rattle. The conference room was a desolate wasteland, so it sounded especially loud.
All eyes gathered on Miss Hiratsuka, who was standing in front of the door and beckoning with her hand. "Yukinoshita, do you have a minute?"
Yukinoshita poked her head around the monitor on her desk. "Miss Hiratsuka…I can't really leave my work right now. If you don't mind, you can tell me here," she said.
Miss Hiratsuka seemed to consider for a moment. "Hmm… Well, it's not like we need to be formal about it…" She strode into the conference room and stood quietly beside Yukinoshita. "It seems you haven't decided on your curriculum stream yet," she said.
"…I'm sorry. I'm a little busy right now." Yukinoshita looked down, embarrassed. Her hands had left the keyboard to lie on her lap.
"I see… I understand that the committee is a lot of work, but don't push yourself too hard."
"I understand."
Miss Hiratsuka smiled kindly in admonishment, and Yukinoshita's reply was brief.
"Hmm… Well, you can do it after the cultural festival is over. Since you're in the international curriculum, your choice won't have an impact on class arrangements. You still have time. Really, it's just an attitude survey. Nothing you need to think too deeply about." Miss Hiratsuka patted Yukinoshita's head lightly, almost stroking her hair, then left the conference with a casual raised hand. A scowl on her face, Yukinoshita rearranged her hair as she watched the teacher go.
I was a little surprised that the Yukinoshita had failed to submit something like that. Apparently, I wasn't alone, as Hayama was giving Yukinoshita a doubtful look, too. Both Hayama and I had paused in our work.
"Hey…are we done yet?" I asked. It's hard to say that when the other guy has his nose to the grindstone, but now that our task had been interrupted, I could say it! I wanted to be free!
Hayama snapped out of it and smiled at me. "Yeah, sorry. Let's get started again."
That's not what I meant… I'd been trying to ask, Can we stop doing this task now? It wasn't a request to start again. But now that Hayama had interpreted my comment in good faith and even given me his Hayama smile, I couldn't tell him he had the wrong idea. More significantly, the thirty minutes I'd been promised weren't up yet. Yeah… I wasn't getting out of this.
I was typing the information from the applications into Excel and making them all into a list when Meguri, who had been doing her own work nearby, struck up a conversation with Yukinoshita. "So which are you going for, Yukinoshita, arts or sciences?"
"I haven't quite made up my mind yet."
"Of course! Yep, yep. I understand how hard it is to make a decision! I had a difficult time, too. So then which subjects are you better at? Sciences?"
"…Not necessarily…" Yukinoshita didn't seem angry, exactly, but her answer was very chilly. Meguri didn't know quite how to reply.
Hayama's hands paused in their task, and he lifted his head from his computer screen. "You're good at arts subjects too, huh, Yukinoshita?"
"Oh, she is?" said Meguri, relieved at having Hayama join in on the conversation.
Come to think of it, I'd had a vague sense that Yukinoshita was good at arts subjects, too. At our grade level, I'm third in Japanese, while Hayama is second, and Yukinoshita is number one. We're locked in at the top three, and if we all were to select the arts stream, we'd probably be ranked at the top there as well. Anyway, Yukinoshita reads a lot, too, and I think she has plenty of artistic inclinations, at least as far as I can tell on the surface.
"I'm in arts, you know," said Meguri. "If you're unsure of what to choose, ask me anything!"
"Agh… Thank you. I'm grateful for your concern." I thought for sure Yukinoshita was going for a polite response, but then she went in to refuse Meguri in a super-roundabout way.
But Meguri didn't seem to have noticed that. She continued to babble on with some excitement. "Yep, yep! Oh! I don't know much about the sciences stream, so I can't answer things about that, though. But Haru was in sciences, so I guess you can ask her."
"I…suppose…I could." Suddenly, a shadow fell over Yukinoshita's face.
I doubted Yukinoshita would ever ask Haruno, though.
Yukinoshita hadn't been very talkative before, but after that, she didn't say a word. The atmosphere called for silence, so Meguri naturally stopped talking, too. After that, the only sounds in the room were taps of typing and the rustle of documents, like badly done Morse code.
In the silence, even an ahem draws your attention. No matter who the source or how quiet it was, anyone clearing their throat to speak pulled your eyes toward them.
"…The rep for 2-F? Your plan application documents have yet to be submitted." Papers in hand, Yukinoshita breathed a short sigh.
There were still people who hadn't turned those in? Good grief. Who was it? …It was meee! My sense of affiliation with the class was so weak, I forgot entirely.
Wait, didn't Sagami say she'd take care of it? Well, she hadn't been attending the committee meetings lately, so I couldn't check with her.
"…Sorry, I'll write it up." I could have waited, but the documents might never be handed in otherwise, so I'd just write whatever myself.
"All right…then submit that today."
I accepted the documents from Yukinoshita and immediately began writing.
Number of people, name of representative, registration name, equipment required, name of homeroom teacher… Come on, why are they even making me draw a diagram? Throwing down the gauntlet, are we? I took Art 2…
I skimmed over the other items for entry.
Ah-ha… I have no idea.
My commitment to nonparticipation in class activities had borne fruit. Not only did I not know their group registration name, I didn't even know the number of people in my own class.
But it was for times like this that he was around. In fact, it was the only time I needed him around. "Hayama, what do I put on this thing?" I asked him.
He seemed to think a bit. "Sorry, I don't really know everything about it."
"That's fine. I'll just make something up for the rest."
"Uh, you can't do that."
"…I can hear you." Yukinoshita's eyes remained locked on her monitor, but her voice was enough of a warning.
Hayama gave a wry smile. "I think it would be faster for you to ask someone who's been with the class."
"Okay, then." I gathered up the papers and left for 2-F.
The classroom was abuzz with activity after school in preparation for the festival. The noise from the large number of participants in the middle of their preparation showed how much they were enjoying the project.
When a girl and a boy are conversing together, the number of times he succeeds in making her laugh is equal to one youth hit (yH), each hour engaged in the undertaking is expressed as one youth hour (yH), and the product of these two values is his youth hero degree (yH), which they compete over. It's pretty hard to understand 'cause all the units are the same.
And as for 2-F, the yH value was fairly high. There was the play, so they were putting tables together to build a stage. In one corner, they were sewing the costumes, while in another, the actors were rehearsing their parts.
"Geez, guys, do it right!" Sagami was yelling at a number of boys, including Ooka.
So Sagami was out here, huh?
Well, even if Sagami had been with us, she wouldn't have been very useful, so it didn't really matter. Sometimes, it can be cruel when someone outclasses you so thoroughly.
I don't know if I should tell her to actually come or not, I thought.
But if I did, she'd just talk about it behind my back: Like, so Hikitani was complaining about me. Ew. This is basically harassment. Actually, he's so creepy, that makes it sexual harassment, right? lol. Lawsuit, lol! But actually, like, he's not even the boss of me or anything, lol. Who is he, seriously? LOL… Wait, actually, who is that guy? And that would be the punch line. The vision rose so vividly in my mind, I started to wonder if my powers of clairvoyance hadn't spontaneously awoken before an impending super-powered battle.
Scanning the classroom, I saw that my classmates were not in their regular uniforms.
It has been done…
Those fearsome, soul-destroying weapons: class T-shirts.
Class T-shirts. Basically, the T-shirts that each class makes for the cultural festival. Exactly what it says on the tin. That explanation was a waste of time.
I think these shirts are supposed to emphasize class unity, camaraderie, and excitement for the cultural festival. I also get the sense it's a memento of the event, concrete proof of their youth.
With class T-shirts, you usually see everyone in the class's nicknames printed on the backs for whatever reason, at least in my own experience.
These shirts had everyone's nicknames written on them, too, while I was the only one with my real name written on it, as Hikigaya. Since the majority of the nicknames were written in phonetic katakana or hiragana letters, the formal kanji characters stuck out like a sore thumb. What's more, they even added a friendly little kun honorific in katakana in an attempt to somehow make me sound more like part of the group. That misdirected kindness even made me feel kinda bad.
Back in first year, this sort of thing would have hit me rather hard, but now, I'm like, Just bring it on. I wouldn't even care if they wrote my full name in kanji. Ha-ha-ha! Once the cultural festival was over, I'd immediately use this shirt as a rag. It wasn't very high quality, so it wouldn't make good pj's.
I searched for Yuigahama's figure in the classroom. Hmm… Gahama,
Gahama…
And that was when a lovely figure suddenly entered my field of vision.
The androgynous being emanated a delicate charm. The baggy, overlong coat sleeves covered everything but the fingertips of Totsuka in his Little Prince costume. It looked like he was currently in the process of having the pants hemmed. His rolled-up cuffs had pins stuck in them.
He seemed bored until he noticed me, and the hands peeking out of his sleeves waved at me. "Oh, Hachiman. Welcome back."
"…Yeah. I'm back." As embarrassing as it was, I had returned! I very nearly bowed on reflex. If Totsuka would welcome me back with those words, I'd love to come home to him every day.
"Oh yeah!" Totsuka pattered off as if he'd just remembered something. He pulled that something out of his bag and then rushed back. On his way, he tripped on the hem of his coat and fell right into my chest…! Or rather, I briefly fantasized about it. Things did not actually go that well. Reality is always cruel.
"Thanks for this." Totsuka was holding out a book to me.
It was the paperback copy of The Little Prince that I'd lent him a while earlier. I'd read it countless times now, so the corners of the cover were worn, and the book was a little dirty, too. I sort of regretted that now, thinking it wasn't the sort of thing I should have been lending out.
"So I've been thinking about how I could say thanks for it…" Totsuka nodded firmly as if he were trying to psych himself up a little, then looked up to gaze straight into my eyes. "Um…is there anything you like, Hachiman?" You, Totsuka.
I was inches from just blurting it out. In fact, the y had already left my mouth. "Y… Yeah, not much that I can think of, really," I replied, somehow managing to cover up my slip.
Totsuka folded his arms small and began to seriously ponder the matter. "Hmm…really…? Th-then how about you tell me any foods or books you like, or…snacks? Anything you want." You, Totsuka.
Yet again, I just about blurted it out. In fact, I even got as far as the you. "U… Usually can't think of anything on the spot. Well, if I have to come up with something, then I like sweet stuff." Like MAX Coffee.
Also, miso peanuts, malt jelly, and the soft-serve ice cream from Chiba's own Mother Farm, and the peanut pies at Orandaya.
"Sweet stuff… Okay, I'll get you something soon!" Totsuka said with a smile, but then a voice called out to him. It sounded like they were ready to do the hemming. Totsuka answered the call before turning back to me. "Well, I'm off."
"I'll see you later," I replied, watching him go as he left with a raised hand. …I like this. I want to see Totsuka off from my house every morning. But for some reason, having Totsuka be the one supporting me seemed sorta perverse. It made me feel guilty.
Now alone, once again I scanned the classroom. Totsuka was so cute, I'd completely forgotten my original goal.
Um, Gahama…
Oh, there she is.
"Yuigahama."
The ice cream bar she was biting into suggested she had been out doing some shopping, and she was holding a piece of paper as she participated in a meeting of some sort. Just then, she lifted her head and ran toward me. "Huh? Are you done with your work, Hikki?" "You can stop doing work, but that doesn't mean it's over."
"What are you talking about?" she said, looking at me like I was an idiot.
Tch, people blessed with good work environments… I considered kindly explaining the terror and tragedy of corporate slavery to her, but I really didn't have the time. Silently locking away my loathing of labor in my heart, I figured I'd get this over with quickly. "I'm still working. Sorry, but could you tell me what goes here? I have to submit this today."
"You're in a hurry? Oh, wait, is Hayato over there, too?" She must have meant with the cultural committee.
"Yeah."
"Then let's do it over there, since there's so much noise here. I was thinking about calling for a stage meeting soon anyway."
As we were conversing, Sagami piped up behind us. "Oh, I've got to head off to the committee, too. Sorry, guys. Once I've finished this, I'll get going."
I returned to the conference room, and Yuigahama gave me the rundown on their plans.
Aside from the practical side of things, like necessary equipment, number of people involved, and detailed budget, I also had to fill in some pretty abstract stuff, like project intention and a general overview. I would have been able to fake something if it had just been in writing, but I even had to draw a diagram of the structures, too.
This was a real pain in the butt.
"I'm telling you, that's not right!" Yuigahama was saying. "It's gotta be more like, bam! It'll have fancy decorations!"
"I don't get it…" The pain in the butt was less the drawing itself and more understanding Yuigahama. Why were her explanations so intuition based? She was frighteningly enigmatic.
"Also, the number of people assigned to this is wrong."
"This is humiliating… To think that Yuigahama would ever teach me a lesson…"
"What was that?! Just redo it already!" She was surprisingly strict.
I sketched out some lines and somehow managed to survive the task.
Seeing other students diligently occupied must have encouraged the executives as well. Meguri had a smile on her face as she did her work. As time passed, the conference room wasn't mildly tense like it usually was but peaceful and calm.
Just then, a metallic squeak cut through the atmosphere. "Sorry I'm laaaate! Oh, here you are, Hayama!"
Behind Sagami followed her two usual friends. This was the first time she'd come to work in a while. After addressing Hayama, she was about to approach him when Yukinoshita stepped in front of her instead. Sagami seemed nonplussed at the sudden hindrance, but Yukinoshita didn't give her the time to be surprised. She just shoved some documents and a stamp at Sagami. "Sagami, your approval stamp on these. There should be no issues with the review of these documents, since I've personally amended any inadequacies."
"…Really? Thanks."
The conversation went straight to business, with no room for any small talk.
Perhaps because her conversation with Hayama had been interrupted, or perhaps unhappy about being forced into a sudden business conversation, Sagami was expressionless for a few moments. Still, she quickly accepted the documents with a smile in an attempt to hide any displeasure.
Sagami went over the documents with her stamp, bam, bam, bam, hardly looking at the papers at all. Meanwhile, Yukinoshita was off to the side, accepting them back and giving them one more check before she filed them. This arrangement wasn't anything new, but there were quite a few problems with it.
This was something I could sense, being on the inside, but I did wonder how it would look to an outsider. With that question in my mind, I glanced at Yuigahama and saw her lips pressed shut and her gaze pointed at the floor. Well, she must have had her opinions about this. With club on pause, she and Yukinoshita were oddly distant, and now she was personally witnessing this exchange between Yukinoshita and Sagami. And it wasn't pleasant, either.
On the other hand, the other outsider, Hayama, wore the same unfaltering smile. He even called out to Sagami. "Hey. Were you in the classroom, Sagami?"
Hearing his voice, Sagami twisted around like a weasel toward Hayama. "Oh, uh-huh."
"I see… So how are things going?"
"Pretty well, I guess," Sagami replied.
Hayama paused for a few seconds. The glaring pause before it gave his next comment extra impact. "Oh, I didn't mean that. I meant with the committee. It looks like Yumiko is doing a good job handling the class stuff." There was just the slightest trace of venom in his words, be it conscious or not. If Hayama had chosen that turn of phrase deliberately, that meant there was something else behind his words. Translated loosely, I think it'd be something like, It looks like you're skipping out on the committee… Should you be doing that?
But apparently, Sagami was immune to such venom, as she continued unfazed. "Ohhh…Miura. She's really psyched about this, huh? I hardly recognize her. Like, she's really got this covered." (Translation: That bitch is even more grating than usual. It's so obnoxious how she keeps butting in.)
"Ha-ha-ha. Well, she's a big help, so it's all good, right? It's not a bad thing." (Translation: Stop talking, okay?)
I was reading so much into their words, I must have eaten a translation jelly or something.
It wasn't like I really cared. I think it was just because Sagami's poorly chosen phrasing had flipped some weird switch in me. I could even sense hidden implications in Hayama's words, and he was supposed to be a good guy. My brain processed this information and projected it across my field of vision as subtitles. I was following along with them until there was a loud clap in front of my face.
"Hey, hurry it up. I wanna go back," said Yuigahama.
"But, like, this wasn't even my job in the first place…" Yeah, wasn't this something Sagami said she was going to do? Why was I the one stuck with it in the end? I can't understand what's going on here. I don't understand, Masked Niyander.
"…You're being loud," Yukinoshita muttered quietly at our discussion.
Yuigahama and I shut our mouths automatically, but Sagami must not have heard her, and her fun little chat with Hayama continued. "Y'know, I wish I could be more like her! The way she leads everyone is so inspiring." (Translation: I want to crush her and take her place.)
"You have your own strengths. You're fine the way you are, don't you think?" (Translation: I told you to stop talking, didn't I? Know your place—for your own sake.)
"Huh? But I don't really have a lot of strengths." (Translation: Here, now I'm being self-deprecating! Compliment me, compliment me! Hayama, compliment me!)
"Everyone's different. Maybe they don't seem like strengths to you, but other people can see them." (Translation: Sorry, I don't know you well enough to give you a compliment, so here's the standard placation.)
The whole time, I was reading the surprisingly liberally translated subtitles that you sometimes see on American films, and it was really distracting. Dubs are the way to go for foreign films.
The sound of a cell phone snapping shut broke off my train of thought. "Hikki, you stopped working. I put the stage meeting off until evening, so we're going to do this thing right."
"It's twenty minutes until it's time to go home," said Yukinoshita.
They were all pressuring me…
"Hey, he hasn't been in the classroom, so it's inevitable that it'll take him more time, right?" Unable to just watch, Hayama swooped in to support me. What a good guy.
Well, if you'd just filled me in on the project outline, this never would've happened, though. Still, if this is part of the cultural committee's job, there's no getting around it, I thought, biding my time.
Sagami said, "Since I'm chairing the committee, I do have to leave some things to you. Thanks!" (Translation: Do it right, minion. Nyeh.)
I just bided my time… After two turns, I'll give it back to you double. But that's not really biding much, is it?
Anyway, somehow or other, after what seemed like an eternity, I cobbled together the application form. "It's over…" "Done, huh?" Yuigahama replied, exhausted.
"Sorry. But thanks. You've been a big help."
"Huh? Oh yeah. No problem. You don't ask me for stuff often anyway."
"Yeah. I never thought this day would come, either."
"Just how dumb do you think I am?!"
I let Yuigahama's complaint roll off me as I submitted the documents. Yukinoshita accepted them without a word, checking the first and second sheet, and when she was done reading them, she tap-tapped their edges on the desk to align them. "Accepted. Good work." Without a single glance my way, she put the papers with the approved documents and filed them away.
"Don't you need to get them stamped?" I asked.
"…Oh." With a short "Of course," Yukinoshita pulled out the papers once more.
It was nothing. A thoughtless error.
And that was exactly what made it so incredibly out of place.
"Your stamp here, Sagami," said Yukinoshita.
Sagami interrupted her discussion to accept the documents. "Oh, sure. Actually, I'll just give you my stamp, so you can sign off on them, okay?"
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Sagami," Meguri advised frankly, unable to let that one slide.
But Sagami wasn't shy at all about what she was doing. "Huh? But the way we're doing things now isn't efficient, is it? I think substance is more important than formality. You know, delegation?"
Out of context, the words would sound like a wonderful explosion of sound logic. Still, from a purely pragmatic perspective, it would indeed be more effective to leave the stamping to Yukinoshita rather than to wait for Sagami's approval.
Meguri must have been thinking the same thing, as she was hmming uncertainly. "If Yukinoshita doesn't mind, then…" She gave Yukinoshita a searching glance.
For her part, Yukinoshita didn't seem bothered. She nodded. "I don't. From here on out, I will be making approvals."
Sagami entrusted Yukinoshita with the stamp, and Yukinoshita immediately stamped my documents.
Now today's operations were over. Right then, the bell rang.
"Right, I guess that's it for today. I'll lock the door, so all of you can leave before I do. Executives, please handle all the end-of-day checks." Meguri gave her directions, and the student council swiftly scattered. The cultural committee was in charge of handling dismissal, so we couldn't ignore Meguri and stay late. We quickly cleaned up and packed our things away, then left the conference room.
On the way to the front entrance, I saw Sagami having a friendly chat with her friends, and then she called out to us, too. "Hey, why don't we all go out to eat after this? Hmm?" As she said it, she was really only looking at Hayama.
Hayama's and Yuigahama's eyes moved, apparently checking to see how everyone else was taking this. Yukinoshita noticed Yuigahama's gaze flicking over to her, and she coolly replied, "I still have work to do." I'm sure it wasn't just an excuse, and she actually did have work. To say nothing of the additional task Sagami had just delegated to her. Her responsibilities and workload had increased along with that, too.
"Oh, of course, yeah, I got it," said Sagami. "There's no helping that." (Translation: Listen, I was never inviting you in the first place.)
Apparently, my subtitles had yet to be disabled, as I could see right through to her underlying intentions. Don't underestimate the power of the Jagan eye…
After Yukinoshita, I refused, too. "I'm going home."
"Yeah, I gotcha." (Translation: There's no seat for your ass anyway!)
I'd known full well I wasn't invited, but I'd figured it would be the right thing to do to give her a proper refusal. 'Cause I mean, look, forcing someone to say, U-um, so…what about you? You don't have to come if you really don't want to at the end is pretty harsh. So is hearing it. That wouldn't make anyone happy. And why do I have to be roped into parties after work in the first place?
The ones Sagami was inviting were not me or Yukinoshita but the other two.
Perhaps because Yuigahama had already come to her decision, she hesitated as she spoke. "T-today isn't so good for me, either… I have to go to a meeting for the play…"
"What? You're not coming, Yui? Let's gooo!" (Translation: Hey, if you don't come, then Hayama won't, either, will he? Eh?)
Whoops, one of those reactions was not like the others, was it? It was so brazen I started wondering if she'd been taking metalworking classes.
"Oh, there's a stage meeting? I'll go, too." (Translation: I'm gonna jump at this chance, thanks.) Hayama gallantly took advantage of the opportunity to refuse Sagami's offer.
And so Sagami reluctantly withdrew her suggestion. "Hmm… I gotcha… You've all got plans, huh? Another time, then." (Translation: If Hayama isn't coming, then I really don't care.)
Though I was aware that reading between the lines was really no fun, I couldn't help how it came across to me. To have a nature this rotten was a unique ability.
Sagami's subtitles just didn't want to disappear, right up until we all parted ways at the school entrance. Sagami wanted to walk some of the way home with Hayama, and even once we were outside, she dragged the conversation out.
Following after her and the others, I shoved on my shoes, too, and went outside.
The sunset was already long past, and the darkness of night had spread across the sky.
"Bye." Yukinoshita bid her brief farewell and swiftly marched away. Her bag must have been heavy with all the papers she would have to take care of at home, as she was repeatedly adjusting it on her shoulder.
"Well, see you tomorrow, Hikki." Yuigahama gave my shoulder a light pat and then dashed off. I guess she was going to her meeting. She had a lot on her plate, too.
I began pedaling my bicycle out of the sparsely populated parking lot.
The street lights were horribly overbright. I'd abused my eyes a lot that day. Subtitles really strain your eyes.
As my head filled with trivial thoughts, one more crossed my mind.
Oh yeah. For some people, those weird subtitles don't show up at all, huh?
6 Unusually, Yui Yuigahama is indignant.
What never gets easier, no matter how much work is put into it?
My life.
It's so bad, even the famously overworked poet Takuboku Ishikawa would have to admit it. I bet it's even worse for a pleb like me. My hands paused in their task, without my telling them to. I gave them a nasty glare. That made them stop again as the whole situation became more and more agonizing. What is with this downward spiral?
To solve the mystery of why the hell I was so busy, I looked around. First of all, we were shorthanded.
The executives were being hounded left and right in a chaotic mess, and their helper Haruno had not come that day. Hayama was working with us, having single-handedly undertaken the volunteerrelated tasks, but even he could get tired, it seemed. His usual smile was a little strained.
Not so long ago, we'd kept on top of the work, even with a smaller group. The difference this time was that Yukinoshita wasn't there:
Yukinoshita, who would normally come to the conference room earliest and stay the latest. That day, she was nowhere to be seen.
"What's happened to Yukinoshita today?" Meguri asked.
I had no answer. "Dunno…" And I wasn't the only one without answers—I doubt anyone on the committee had any, either.
The door to the conference room creaked open. Forgetting to knock was a bad habit of Miss Hiratsuka's. "Hikigaya." "Yes?" I replied.
She walked up to me, her expression very gentle. "About
Yukinoshita—she isn't feeling well today, so she's taking the day off. She's contacted the school, but I figured the cultural committee hadn't been notified." Evidently, we hadn't. No one here would have been able to receive a message from her in the first place.
But still, she was sick? I knew she didn't have much in the way of endurance, but I thought she could take care of her health better than that. Well, she had seemed busy lately, and she'd also made that little slipup the other day. She must have been exhausted.
Is she okay? She lives alone, too, I thought.
Hayama lifted his head, as if the same thought had just hit him as well. "Yukinoshita lives by herself, so someone should go check on her."
"Oh, really? Well, will one of you go check and see how she's doing, then? I can handle things here," Meguri said to the two of us.
"Will you all be okay without the help?" Hayama asked her.
Meguri made a rather complicated expression, but then it changed to her usual bubbly, pleasant smile. "Hmm… Yeah. I think anything I can understand, we should be able to manage." Her tone indicated she was a little unsure, but her smile was trustworthy.
Then it would probably be best to leave the work to them while we took care of visiting Yukinoshita. It would be much better for the student council president to stay than someone from Records and Miscellaneous or the volunteer manager. Meguri was the only one with an eye on the whole picture. "Thanks," she said to us, starting to go back to work.
"President!" The door to the conference room banged open, and someone from the student council marched in.
"What's wrong?!" asked Meguri.
"Actually, there's been an inquiry about the slogan…"
"Ack! Now?!" Sounded like a major problem had surfaced immediately. Meguri rushed out of the conference room to go handle it. Unable to call after her to ask what had gotten her into such a flurry, we were left behind.
"All right…so what do we do?" Hayama asked me. "I don't mind going myself." The confrontational phrasing bothered me.
I… No, even if I did go, it wasn't like there was anything I could have said to her. If Hayama went to see her, then I would stick around.
Conversely, if he didn't go, then I probably would instead.
"Well…shouldn't you be the one to go? It'd be best for her to get the considerate and useful one," I said.
Hayama blinked. "…Didn't expect to hear that from you."
"You're doing all this work for us. That's worth a compliment."
Hayama smiled wryly and turned back to me. "I see. But if that's your rationale, then shouldn't the considerate and useful one stay here?"
That was true. Since we didn't have enough people, the standard tactic would be to leave behind someone who could handle the situation well. When your party was down a few players, it was best to rely on a high-level hero. "Oh… Well, if you put it that way, I guess so," I replied, scratching my head roughly.
Hayama looked me straight in the eye. "Just so you know, I don't think you're incompetent. You've been doing the jobs of the entire miscellaneous section. Nobody can call you useless."
…Now you're the one surprising me. I never thought you'd say something like that.
"So what are you going to do?" Hayama asked again.
Hachiman Hikigaya could not beat Hayato Hayama. Anyone would say so. And I think they'd be right, too. I doubt I could beat him in any arena.
But it's funny. The more talented and kind someone is, the more constrained they are in life. Someone's always relying on them, they have to live up to those expectations, and before long, the whole dynamic gets normalized. Not only that, guys like him will even reach out a hand to guys out on the fringes, like yours truly.
"…I'll go," I said. "Anyone would say you're the superior one here. Everyone needs you."
"I don't mind hearing that…if you actually mean it." Hayama's smile held a trace of melancholy. He was a good guy, but his kindness meant he couldn't prioritize anyone or anything over anything else. Everything was important to him. That suddenly seemed to me like a terribly cruel thing.
"All right…so then, I'm stepping out for a bit," I said to Miss Hiratsuka.
She smiled. "Okay. Go ahead. I can't give you another student's address, though…"
"Oh, that's fine." I didn't know Yukinoshita's address, but I did know someone who knew. Someone who would probably rush out in a second if I told her about this.
I quickly gathered my things, and when I stood up, my eyes met with Hayama's. They glinted sharply as they narrowed suddenly. "I'll let you handle that, then," he said. "And I'll tell Haruno, just in case, too."
"Oh…that'll be a help. Thanks." I gave him a brief show of gratitude, adjusted my bag on my shoulder, and left the conference room.
As I walked to the front door, I pulled out my phone and made a call. One ring, two rings, three rings… After a full seven rings, right when I was about to hang up, she answered. "Wh-what is it? This is so random…"
"Did you know that Yukinoshita didn't come to school today?" I asked.
"…Huh? I…didn't know."
"I heard she's sick."
I could hear Yuigahama gulping on the other end. It's not like a little illness is anything serious. But considering how busy Yukinoshita had been lately, plus the fact that she lived on her own, Yuigahama had to be uneasy.
Yuigahama took a determined little breath. "I'm gonna go check up on her real quick now."
I'd figured she'd say that. "I'm going, too. Wanna meet in front of the school gates?"
"Yeah."
We ended the brief call, and I stuffed my cell phone into my pocket.
It was still bright outside, but the sun was beginning to sink. We'd probably reach Yukinoshita's place at just about sunset.
Neither I nor Yuigahama talked much on the way.
The moment she'd first seen me, she'd launched into question after question about Yukinoshita, but I hadn't had many answers for her.
Yukinoshita lived in an apartment tower that was known in the area for being very fancy, and with that classy status came high security. You couldn't get in so easily.
We rang Yukinoshita's room from the entrance. Yuigahama pushed the buzzer. She had already called and texted Yukinoshita beforehand, but she had gotten no response. I'd wondered if we wouldn't even manage to get in touch with her in person. But Yuigahama rang the bell two, three times anyway.
Not coming out, huh…? "Pretending she's not home?" I suggested.
"That would be fine, then, but if she's actually so sick that she can't answer the bell…" The idea seemed a little extreme to me, but I couldn't bring myself to laugh her off.
Yuigahama paused, then rang the bell one more time.
Then static crackled through the speaker. "…Hello?" a voice responded, vanishingly quiet.
Yuigahama practically jumped on the sound as she replied, "Yukinon?! This is Yui. Are you okay?"
"…Yes, I'm all right, so."
So. So what? Did she mean to say, So leave? "Just open the door," I said.
"…Why are you here?" She must have assumed Yuigahama had come alone. She seemed a bit startled to hear my voice out of the blue.
"I came to talk."
"…Could you wait for just ten minutes?" "Fine," I replied.
As requested, we waited for ten minutes, on the sofa by the entrance. I guess nice apartment buildings have sofas at the entrance…
Yuigahama was glaring at her cell phone the entire time. Her fingers didn't even so much as twitch. She must have been just staring at the clock, frozen.
I was zoning out when Yuigahama stood up from beside me and buzzed Yukinoshita again.
"Yes…"
"It's been ten minutes."
"…Come in," Yukinoshita told us, and the automatic door opened.
Yuigahama marched in with sure footsteps. I followed after her, and when we reached the elevator, Yuigahama pushed the fifteenth-floor button. The elevator rose faster than I'd imagined it would. The floor numbers on the display flashed by, and before long, it said 15.
Once we were off the elevator, Yuigahama and I walked down to one of the many doors along the hall, an apartment with no nameplate. Yuigahama clenched her fists for a moment to steady herself, then reached out a finger, ready to push the doorbell.
I don't know if it was just high quality or what, but it didn't make a mechanical bell sound. It sounded kind of like a fine musical instrument. Yuigahama rang the bell once and then waited for a while. The walls here seemed to be nice and soundproof, as we couldn't hear anything from within. But after waiting for a few seconds, there was a sudden hard rattling sound of the locks being undone, and it was a few more seconds before all the multiple locks were open.
We waited in front of the door until it opened smoothly and soundlessly. Yukinoshita poked only her face out of the crack. "Come in."
Entering her apartment, there was a faint waft of soap smell.
Yukinoshita seemed different from usual. She wore a finely textured knit sweater a little big for her thin stature. Her hands were entirely lost in the sleeves, and her collarbone was peeking out of the neck. Her black hair was tied into a ponytail that hung over her chest to hide the deep neckline. Her long skirt went down to her feet.
From the entrance, I could see a number of doors—three of them clearly led to bedrooms. Aside from those, there were doors on the side of the hallway that most likely led to the bath and toilet. Down at the end, the living-dining room was indirectly illuminated. I'd only heard of apartments this big in rumors.
Yukinoshita was living alone in this enormous apartment.
She guided us down the hallway and through to the living room, where I could see a balcony. Beyond the window was a completely dark sky and the nightscape of the new downtown core. The afterglow of the western sky seemed terribly forlorn.
On top of a small glass table was a closed laptop, and beside it were documents in file folders. Yukinoshita must have been working that night, too.
She must not usually have visitors, judging from the Spartan living room. It was minimally furnished like a business hotel, with functional and simple furniture. The only source of warmth to it was the upholstered, cream-colored sofa.
In front of the sofa was a tiny chest. It was a little surprising to see a big TV in the room, too, but the shelf underneath it was full of Destiny movies like Ginnie the Grue. She didn't buy that sweet TV just for those, did she…?
"Take a seat over there." Yukinoshita offered us the two-seater couch, and Yuigahama and I obediently sat down.
I wondered what Yukinoshita would do, but she just leaned against the wall.
"Why don't you sit down?" Yuigahama said, but Yukinoshita quietly shook her head.
"So what was it you wanted to talk about?" Yukinoshita was turned our way, but her gaze was fixed on a point below our faces. The normally overwhelming light in her eyes was muted, calm like the surface of a lake.
When I failed to reply to the question, Yuigahama searched for a response instead. "Uh, um… We heard you were missing school today, so we were wondering if you were okay."
"I'm fine. This is too much fuss over one day off. And I did call in."
"You live on your own," I replied. "People are going to worry about you."
"Besides, aren't you really tired? You're still pale," added Yuigahama.
Yukinoshita quietly lowered her head, as if to hide her complexion. "I was a little tired, but that was all. It's not a problem." "…Isn't that the problem here?" said Yuigahama.
Yukinoshita fell silent. Oh, that had hit her where it hurt. If everything was hunky-dory, she wouldn't have been away from school in the first place.
Yukinoshita's gloom made her seem especially frail.
"You don't have to manage this stuff all alone, Yukinon. There were other people there."
"I understand that. That's why I made sure to divide the work up properly to reduce the burden—"
"But it's not reduced!" Yuigahama cut her off. Yuigahama was quiet and calm, but her voice still betrayed her fervent anxiety. The words hung in the air even after the sound had faded. "I'm kinda mad about this, you know."
Yukinoshita's shoulders twitched in response. I understood Yuigahama's anger, too. Yukinoshita's refusal to accept help and determination to handle everything herself had resulted in her exhaustion.
I breathed a small sigh, and Yuigahama's gaze jumped over to me. "I'm mad at you, too, Hikki. I said to help her out if she was in trouble…"
So that was why she was silent the whole way there. Well, I had no excuse for that. I'd been quite admittedly useless. My shoulders sank apologetically.
"…I never expected anything from him beyond his role with Records and Miscellaneous," said Yukinoshita. "He's fulfilled that role just fine, and that's enough."
"But—"
"It's all right. We still have time, and I've been getting work done at home as well, so we won't get significantly behind. You don't need to worry about anything, Yuigahama."
"That's not right!"
"Oh…isn't it?" Yukinoshita's eyes were still riveted to the flooring. "…What do you think?" It took me a little while to realize her question was for me. The wall Yukinoshita leaned against led to the kitchen, and with the lights off, I couldn't read her expression.
I should tell her that the way she's going about this is wrong.
I couldn't make a moral argument like Hayama. I couldn't say the things he does.
And this wasn't out of kindness, like Yuigahama. I don't have any of that stuff.
But I know when she's screwing up.
"Generally speaking, talking about leaning on someone, how everyone'll help and support each other—that's the right thing to do.
That's the standard answer."
"Oh…" Her reply was dry and disinterested. But her arms fell limply from their folded position.
"But that's just an ideal. That's not what makes the world go round. Someone always draws the short straw, and some people get stuck with the job. Someone's always going to pick up the slack. That's reality. So I'm not into saying you should rely on others and cooperate with everyone or anything."
I could hear Yukinoshita gently exhaling. I couldn't tell if it was like a sigh or not.
"But you're going about this the wrong way," I said.
"…Then…do you know the right way?" Her voice was shaking.
"No. But the way you've been doing it is wrong."
"…"
Thus far, Yukinoshita had always had a consistent style. When someone asked her for help, she wouldn't assist them thoughtlessly. Though she would lend a hand, in the end, she would always leave things up to the person in question.
But this time, it was different. Yukinoshita was handling everything from A to Z, and most likely, as she'd just said, she would somehow muddle through. This was bound to end up a fairly legitimate cultural festival—even if it wouldn't necessarily leave everyone happy.
But that wasn't the ideal Yukinoshita had always touted.
Yukinoshita didn't reply.
Silence fell.
"…"
"…"
The room was cold. The thermometer was probably reading a temperature much higher than what we were feeling.
Choo! Yuigahama sneezed. The way she sniffled almost sounded like she was crying.
Yukinoshita must have noticed the rising chill in the room, as she softly stood up from the wall. "I'm sorry. I didn't even get you tea…"
"Th-that's fine!" Yuigahama stuttered. "You don't need to do that… I—I can handle it."
"Don't worry yourself over my health. I feel much better after resting a day."
"About your health, huh?" I muttered. Her throwaway remark stuck with me.
Yuigahama opened her mouth with an "Um…" as if she was struggling to say something. But even after a pause for breath, she said nothing. Eventually, she slowly began talking. "Listen… I've done…a little thinking. Yukinon, you should rely on me and Hikki. Not 'someone' or 'everyone'… Just let us help, okay? I, um… It's not like I can really do anything. But…Hikki—"
"…Are you fine with black tea?" Yukinoshita turned away and disappeared into the kitchen without listening to the rest of what Yuigahama had to say. Yuigahama's voice no longer reached into the gloom.
They were constantly talking past each other. This lofty high-rise was the Tower of Babel, and neither of them could reach the other with words.
Yukinoshita brought in a set of cups and a pot of black tea. No conversation accompanied our teatime.
Holding her cup in both hands, Yuigahama blew on her drink to cool it. Still standing, Yukinoshita cradled hers as she gazed outside. Without a word, I put mine to my lips, and it was soon gone.
There was nothing more to talk about.
I put my cup down and stood up. "I'll get going, then."
"Huh? Th-then I'll go, too…" Yuigahama stood up after me and headed for the door. Yukinoshita didn't stop her.
But still, Yukinoshita did see us off, wobbling a little as she came to the front door. She gently touched Yuigahama's neck as she was putting on her shoes. "Yuigahama."
"Y-yes?!" The sudden touch on her neck made Yuigahama yelp in surprise. She was about to turn around when Yukinoshita gently held her in check. "Um…it's a little difficult to…right away. But I'm sure eventually, I'll come to rely on you. So…thank you…"
"Yukinon…"
The smile Yukinoshita gave her was fragile; still, there was a faint blush in her cheeks. "But I want to think a little longer…"
"Yeah…" Without looking back, Yuigahama gently rested her own hand on top of the hand on her neck.
"I'll leave this to you, Yuigahama," I said.
"Huh? Wait—"
I cut her off, quietly closing the door. Sorry, but the rest is up to you.
Yuigahama did what had to be done in the way that only she could. But it wouldn't resolve this.
I'd handle that problem.
It's not true that time solves everything. It just shoves it all away into distant oblivion, erasing any significance or meaning it might have had, bleaching away the problem itself.
It's also a lie that the world changes when you do. It's bunk. The world is always eroding you, pigeonholing you and sanding down all the parts that stick out. It's just that eventually, you stop thinking about it. The world and your environment force you into believing it. You're brainwashed. Neither emotional arguments, nor the belief that "you can just do it if you try!" nor idealism will change the world, your environment, or the group.
I'll show you what changing the world really is.
There was a quibble over the cultural festival slogan. I did seem to recall hearing something about this.
Fun! So fun! Listening to the sound of the sea breeze at the Soubu High School cultural festival~!
…That was no good. I mean, it was basically the Juumangoku Manjuu slogan, and that's Saitama. It was a little hard to accept for a Chiba event.
Well, leaving aside any prefectural disparities, we ended up discussing whether we should appropriate someone else's slogan wholesale, and ultimately, we came to the decision that it wasn't a good idea. We then hastily convened a meeting to resolve this issue.
Haruno and Hayama, who had lately been coming in to observe often, were also in attendance. This in and of itself was the most significant piece of evidence that the cultural committee was falling apart.
The executives (mainly the student council and Yukinoshita) were entirely exhausted. Since they'd barely been managing the declining attendance so far, this new crisis was like hitting them while they were down. It could even be the finishing blow.
At this rate, it was doubtful the meeting would ever start. Murmurs and chatter were rippling across the whole conference room, and Sagami, the one who should have been in charge, was hanging out in front of the whiteboard and chatting with the friend she'd designated as clerk.
Unable to just stand by and watch, Meguri got her attention. "Sagami, Yukinoshita. Everyone is here," she said.
Sagami cut off her chat and looked toward Yukinoshita. All eyes gathered on the vice-chair. But her eyes were glazed over, staring at the record of proceedings.
"Yukinoshita?" Sagami said to her, and Yukinoshita's head jerked up.
"Huh?" She paused for the briefest moment, but then immediately grasped the situation. "Now then, let's begin the meeting. Just as President Shiromeguri has informed you, on the agenda for today is the cultural festival slogan." Once she'd pulled herself together, Yukinoshita began to direct the meeting in an orderly fashion.
First, she solicited ideas, but the group's passivity made that difficult. Nobody was motivated. To them, even a serious meeting was just another topic for casual conversation later.
Hayama, sitting beside me, couldn't take it anymore and raised his hand. "I'm sure it's difficult for us to present a slogan to the group so suddenly. Why don't we have people write their ideas down? Then we can have everyone explain their suggestions afterward."
"All right… Then we'll take a little time for that," said Yukinoshita.
Blank sheets were handed out. Though everyone had gotten one, only a handful of people were actually writing on them. Most of the room was just giggling and gleefully showing each other jokes.
What's more, when the time came to submit, they didn't hand those ideas in.
Even in a group of slackers, there was always a certain number of diligent types—those who would actually do the work but didn't want to make a show of it. If you just removed the barrier created by presenting to an audience, some people would actually participate. The support of such people had gotten us this far, and it seemed those people would be carrying us again.
Once the papers had been collected, the slogans on them were copied onto the whiteboard.
Friendship / Effort / Victory
Yeah, they were all basically along those lines. The really random one was Hakkou Ichiu. Eugh, I think I have an idea of who would write this…
One other slogan, written in English, caught everyone's attention: ONE FOR ALL.
When that one appeared on the board, Hayama made a quiet ohhh.
"I kinda like that sort of thing." Apparently, that one was to his taste.
Yeah, I get the feeling you'd be into that. I mean, it was English. I replied with a snort that said, Oh, really?
At that, Hayama shrugged. "One person working for everyone's sake. I like that idea a lot."
"Oh, is that all? That's simple stuff."
"Huh?"
Ha! It seems that even the great Hayama hasn't quite grasped the concept here. So be it, good sir; then I shall humbly explain this for thee.
"Injure one person and shun them. One for all. Happens all the time."
—Like what you guys are doing, right this minute.
"Hikigaya…hey…" Hayama reacted like he'd been struck, then gradually bristled. He turned his whole body toward me, squaring off. Anyone who saw us must have figured we were glaring at each other.
Instantly, the chatter around us stopped.
We'd been talking pretty quietly, so maybe that was why the others were only whispering about us. The silent standoff between me and Hayama ended after only a few seconds—because I looked away first. Oh, it's not like I was scared. It was because everyone's attention had shifted up to the front of the room.
Sagami consulted with her clerk friend and then stood up. "Right then, last one. We're suggesting Bonds: helping one another in our cultural festival." Sagami announced the slogan they'd come up with and began writing it on the board.
"Eugh…" The noise slipped out of me as soon as the suggestion left her mouth. What's it like inside her head? Is it a farm with fields of flowers? Is she making caramel sweets in there?
My reaction set off a wave of murmurs. The scornful timbre of the commotion rubbed Sagami the wrong way. And since I had both caused this commotion and occupied a weak social position, it was no surprise that the brunt of her ire would fall on me.
"…What? Something weird about that?" Sagami was managing to keep up appearances with a smile, but her cheeks were twitching. She still looked pretty upset.
"Oh, it's nothing, really…," I began, and then I left it there, indicating
I actually did have a complaint. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this response would piss her off the most. Take it from me, someone who has done it unconsciously and lost friends tons of times.
What I'd done was communicate something you can't say with words. I know how to get my intentions across when words aren't enough—because I barely ever actually use them. Like when I pretend to sleep during breaks, or adopt a reluctant expression when I'm asked to do something, or sigh when I'm working. I've always expressed myself extralinguistically.
I know how to communicate this stuff. Well…I'm only good at using the skill for nefarious purposes, though.
"Don't you have something to say?" Sagami demanded.
"Oh, no. Not really."
She gave me a mildly displeased glare and said, "Hmph. All right. If you don't like it, you make a suggestion."
So then I was like: "How about People: Take a good look, and you'll find some of them are enjoying this cultural festival or something?" Boom!
…I thought maybe the world had stopped.
Nobody said anything. Sagami, Meguri, and Hayama were all overcome with surprise. I guess this was what it meant to be truly dumbfounded.
The committee went dead silent. Even Yukinoshita's mouth was hanging open.
Then laughter broke the silence. "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! We've got an idiot here! Right over there! That's just great! Hee, ee-hee! Ahhh, I can't, my stomach hurts!" Haruno roared with laughter, while Miss Hiratsuka shot me a sour look. I was scared. Double scared.
Miss Hiratsuka jabbed Haruno with her elbow. "…Haruno, you're laughing too hard."
"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha… Hmm, ahem." Haruno must have noticed the icy atmosphere as she cleared her throat quietly and smothered her laughter. "Oh, I do like that one. Anything funny sounds good to me."
"Hikigaya…explain yourself." Half-exasperated, Miss Hiratsuka demanded an explanation from me.
"Well, they say the character for 'person' is two people leaning on each other," I said, "but one side is leaning harder than the other, right? I think the idea behind 'people' is accepting that someone is going to be the sacrifice. So I think the idea might be appropriate for this cultural festival and this committee."
"What do you mean by sacrifice, exactly?" The exasperation had disappeared from Miss Hiratsuka's expression.
"Like me? I'm totally getting the short end of the stick here. I've got tons of work, or rather, other people are pushing their work onto me. Wait, is this the 'cooperation' the committee chair was referring to? I haven't benefited from any of that, so I wouldn't really know." All eyes gathered on Sagami.
She was trembling like a leaf. Everyone looked at the person next to them.
A buzz of whispers ran around the room, from one neighbor to the next. They washed up close to me and then back to the center of the room, like the tide rolling in and receding. And there, they ended.
Sitting in the center of the room were the executives of the Cultural Festival Committee and its vice-chair: Yukino Yukinoshita. Not a single person said a word. The expectant gazes gathered on Yukinoshita, the ice queen who had thus far mercilessly and unapologetically persisted in her autocratic rule. How would she punish this prank?
The meeting agenda in Yukinoshita's hands rustled as she lifted it up to hide her face. Her shoulders were trembling. Her face descended to the table, and her hunched back shook.
All I could do was watch the strange reaction. The painful silence went on for some time.
After a while, Yukinoshita gave a short puff of a sigh and lifted her head. "Hikigaya." She looked me straight in the eye. I got the feeling it had been a long time since I'd heard my name in her voice or seen her clear, blue-tinged eyes.
Her cheeks were faintly flushed.
Her mouth was split in a broad smile.
Her pink, full lips moved gently.
And then, quite cheerfully, with a smile like a warm flower in full bloom, she told me, "Your suggestion is declined." Her serious expression returned, and then she gently straightened up and cleared her throat. "Sagami, let's end it here for today. I doubt we'll get any decent suggestions anyway."
"Huh? But…"
"It would be foolish to waste the whole day over this. Everyone, consider it on your own time, and we'll make the decision tomorrow. And regarding our upcoming tasks, if all of us participate every day, then we'll be able to regain lost ground," Yukinoshita said. She surveyed the conference room quietly, but nobody would dare argue with her now. "No objections?" She was so intense, complaining was out of the question. In just one moment, they'd all been compelled into attending starting the next day.
Even Sagami was no exception. "All…right, then. Then we'll be counting on you again tomorrow. Thank you for your hard work." After that dismissal, everyone left their seats on their own time in groups of threes and fours.
Hayama stood without looking at me and marched straight out of the conference room. As everyone shuffled after him, their piercing looks stung. Some people were even blatantly whispering as they went. "What's with him?"
Yeah, what's with that guy? Oh. They mean me.
Once most of the cultural committee had left, the only ones remaining were the executives, who always stayed behind. The atmosphere was relaxed, and just one person in the room had a long face. It was Meguri.
She quietly stood from her seat. When she came up to me, she didn't have her usual pleasant, reassuring smile on her face.
"It's too bad… I thought you were more serious than that…"
"…"
She sounded sad, but I had nothing to say in reply.
I mean, I didn't want to work. If people got these expectations that I would give it my all and do everything right, then they were bound to catch me tripping soon enough, and in the end, I'd just let them down. I washed away my regret with a sigh.
With a hup of effort, I stood up.
Right when I was about to leave the conference room, I found Yukinoshita in front of the door. "You're all right with this?" she asked.
"With what?" I asked back at her, but she didn't reply.
"I think it would be best if you corrected the misunderstanding." "That's not gonna happen. Everyone's already got their answers, so the issue's over and done. There's nothing more to resolve." Whether it was right or wrong, it was the final answer. You can't take back mistakes. Once a brand has been seared into you, it can't be erased.
Yukinoshita narrowed her eyes in a brief glare. "…You always make excuses when it doesn't matter, but when it's important, you don't. I think that's a little unfair. Then no one else can make excuses, either."
"There's no point. The more important something is, the more selfish people are with their decisions."
"…Yes, maybe that's true. Excuses are meaningless," Yukinoshita mused.
Once you've come up with an answer, there's no reversing it. What's done is done. A broken egg can't be unbroken. Even with all the king's horses and all the king's men, you can't put it back together again. No matter what you say, you can't scrub out a bad impression.
Even though the reverse is so simple. A single word from someone can ruin your perception of them, and a single act from you can create a bad impression.
That's why excuses are meaningless. Even the excuse will damage your image.
Yukinoshita was standing there, her arms wrapped around herself. But she didn't lean on the wall. Just like always, she straightened her posture and slowly raised her head.
"So then…there's nothing for it but to ask the question again."
An almost combative force of will was shining powerfully in her eyes, beautiful like blazing stars.
I got the feeling they were telling me something: I won't make excuses. So watch me. Then that determination melted into something just a bit warmer. "Anyway, what was that just now?" she asked.
"What?"
"That hopeless slogan. It was entirely tasteless."
"It was better than yours. Come on, are you a thesaurus?" I said.
Yukinoshita breathed a long, deliberate-sounding sigh. "You never change… It's exasperating."
"People don't really change."
"And you were especially weird to begin with."
"Hey, that was unnecessary."
Yukinoshita chuckled. "When I look at you, forcing you to change starts to seem foolish." Before she even finished her remark, she was spinning away from me. She trotted over to grab her bag from the table and gently pointed outside. Apparently, that was the signal to leave.
The two of us left the conference room, and she locked up. "All right, I'm going to go return this key."
"Yeah, see you."
"Yes, good-bye."
Though we'd said our farewells, Yukinoshita put her hand to her chin in thought and hesitated just slightly. Then she added, "…See you tomorrow." Her hand moved down in front of her chest, hovering uncertainly, and gave a little half-open wave.
"…See you tomorrow."
We both turned away from each other and began home. After a few steps, I got the urge to look back at her, but I didn't get the sense that she would stop. So I didn't have to, either.
Would I be able to keep myself from looking back?
Would I be able to ask that question one more time?
There are no take-backs in life. When you get the wrong answer, you're bound to be stuck with it. If you're going to turn it around, you have to come up with a new answer.
So I'd ask the question one more time.
I would learn the right answers.
At the committee meeting the next day, we decided on a slogan. Revitalized, the committee went from heated discussion to heated discussion, and after a long period of debate, we somehow managed to come together on a single idea. The slogan for that year's cultural festival would be this:
Chiba's famous for dancing and festivals! So if you're an idiot like me, then you've got to dance! Sing a song!
Was that really the best idea?
I did feel a little uneasy about it, but this was the conclusion we'd agreed on. Well, I didn't hate it, though. "Chiba Ondo" is a famous song after all.
The meeting had yet to cool down, and the committee was still in discussion. Seizing the chance to channel that motivation into work, Yukinoshita whispered quietly into Sagami's ear. "Sagami, we should focus on slogan replacement next."
"Oh yeah… Then please replace all instances of the old slogan with the new one," Sagami instructed. The committee resumed action, more or less under her direction.
Deciding on a slogan must have served to unify the group, as everyone was brimming with enthusiasm.
"You! Remake the posters!" howled Publicity and Advertisement.
"Hold on a minute! We haven't come up with a budget estimate yet!" the accounting section snarled back at them.
"You moron! Fiddle with your abaci later! My time is now!"
"More importantly, if you're replacing the posters, be sure to bring back the thumbtacks! We're counting those, too!" Man, even Equipment Management started butting in. Every section was actively exchanging opinions. It didn't even seem like the same committee anymore.
As for me, people were saying all sorts of nasty stuff behind my back.
I was being ignored, avoided, and ostracized. But it wasn't bullying. There's no bullying at our school.
Even when they gave me work to do, they didn't talk to me. They just stacked it in front of me silently. Even in this situation, they were still trying to make me work. Managers sure are impressive.
I was buckling down to write up a record of the day's meeting in
Word when a good-humored voice descended upon me from on high. "Yo, yo! Working hard, I hope?" Haruno had come down to the conference room during a break in her practice. She probably had nothing else to do now that the committee members were actually doing their jobs, as she took the time to come all the way over and pat me on the head.
"…Just look at me," I replied.
She popped in from behind to sneak a peek at my PC. Um, that's a little close. What is that, perfume? It smells kinda nice, though, so please stop…
"Oh…looks like you're not really working hard."
Why? I've got my nose to the grindstone here. I shot her a rotten glare.
Haruno feigned shock. "Oh my, so grumpy! But I mean, your accomplishments aren't in the meeting records, are they?" "…" I fell silent, and Haruno gave me a broad smirk.
"Pop quiz, Hikigaya. Who is it that most unifies a group?"
"A ruthless mentor?"
"Oh, you! But I know you really do know the right answer. Although I kinda like yours, too." She still smiled, but her expression cooled. "The correct answer…is the presence of a clear enemy." I understood the implication of that chilly smile.
Long ago, someone once said, "The greatest leader to bring together the masses is the enemy." Well, everyone's not going to change all at once just because they have someone to hate. But once you get four or five together, they multiply like bunnies. The greater numbers you have, the faster the idea gains traction.