CHAPTER ONE
The begging was a sound I'd learned to ignore. It rose thin and high in the tiny kitchen, a child's whine stretched into the voice of a man who suddenly understood he was finished. He scrambled for anything but the room had closed around him like a fist.
"Please spare me. Please." The plea came again, smaller now, like a broken toy.
He fought. Of course he fought. Legs kicked at the air that held him; hands clawed at my wrists, then slackened. Sweat slicked his face and smelled like panic. I did not stop. I wanted the light to go out. I wanted the closing—that sudden hush—more than anything I had ever wanted.
For a long moment there was nothing but that hush. It crept into my ears and stayed. His body twitched once, twice, and then it stopped altogether. The air grew heavier. I expected guilt to arrive on some schedule, a polite knock at the door. It never came. The silence wrapped around me like an old friend.
The blade had entered and stayed beneath his ribs. I pushed and twisted, searching for satisfaction, for the release people talk about in books. There was none. Only the softening of his muscles and the slow, inevitable slackness. He died.
Water dripped from the sink, and his blood was warm where it had pooled, then cold. I slipped my fingers through it, wiped him down as if the act of cleaning might also erase the scene. Mess is always messy; the work of it steadied me. I changed into fresh clothes in the shadow of the counter, peeled off the mask that made me other, and stepped out again with an innocent face patched to my features.
Bagging him was rote. I had done this before enough for the motions to be second nature. There was a flash of memory—always a flash—that came like a film projection behind my eyes.
I was seven. The world was bright and foolish. Nathan and I had been looking forward to a family trip, to our parents' anniversary celebration. At 4:25 p.m. our happiness arrived back home with something else: men with badges and a cruel, roaring crowd. They dragged Mother out into the square, whipped her and burned her for a lie: poisoning the village, dabbling in devilry. She screamed and they called it justice. My father stood with us, empty-eyed.
That was the day the world learned how to punish without proof. That was the day I learned how to burn quietly inside.
That night my father laughed. He drank and he celebrated that she was gone. I hit him with a blunt thing until his head hit the floor. It was the first time I saw death close and did not blink. Nathan woke and, afraid, took the blame. He walked into a police car like a lamb into a pen. I watched him go and the streets swallowed me.
I slept hunched in alleys after that. I stopped trusting the safety of roofs and names. The city taught me to move on my feet and keep my mouth closed. I learned to hold a blade. I learnt how to stab with it.
The sirens outside the apartment broke across the night now, and the flashbacks scissored cleanly away. I tied the bag, pressed it into the corner beneath the sink, and left a final, childish note smeared in blood across the tile: it will rain blood.
The cops shouted from the hallway. I could hear shoes scuff and the clink of metal. "Hey! Put your hands where we can see them!"
I stepped into the hall in a jacket that said I belonged—no masks, no suspicion in my walk. The building smelled of bleach and old cigarettes. I smiled the way people smile to escape questions.
Before I moved, something flashed at the edge of my vision: a figure in the stairwell, a silhouette cut out of the darkness. For a heartbeat he stood perfectly still. Then he looked at me and the world rearranged. He knew my face. He saw it with that cold clarity that feels like glass against skin.
No one in this city recognized me. I had worked to be unreadable, a shadow without provenance. Yet here was a man who looked straight through the façade and saw the red under everything.
My heart didn't race. It slowed, precise as a clock. I felt the inevitability of being found fold itself into me. There was no panic. Only the small, dangerous intelligence that had kept me alive through years of small deaths.
I turned away like it was nothing and moved. The sirens grew louder; the police called again. Footsteps pounded toward the door. I stepped outside into the rain that had not yet started and let the city swallow me.
As I walked I thought of Nathan. I thought of the way he had given himself up to save me and the shape that sacrifice had left in me. I thought of the woman in the square and the ordinary cruelties people trade as currency. I thought of the knife—of the way it sings a different song in different hands.
Behind me, the man in the stairwell watched. He had seen my face. He had seen what I was. That was enough. He might follow. He might do nothing. But the knowledge of him—sharp and alive in a world of sleepwalkers—changed the geometry of what I could do.
I had been careful, invisible, clean. Now there was one witness who might unravel the whole design. I had become both the hunter and the hunted without meaning to. The thought pleased me and annoyed me both.
Rain began in distant gutters and then closer, little knives of water that hit the pavement and made the city smell like wet metal. The blood in the sink dried into a tarnished map of the night. The man in the bag lay quiet. The note on the tile would smear under the coming rain and the message might read differently in the morning. But it was not the note that mattered. It was the knowledge that someone else had looked at me and not turned away.
He had seen me.
And once someone has seen, nothing truly stays hidden.