The river water flowed with a splashing sound, and the moonlight scattered across its surface, casting patches of phosphorescence.
As Yōsen approached the river, an inexplicable sense of panic surged within him. His fingertips trembled slightly. He raised his hand and looked at his constantly shaking palm; for some reason, he felt uneasy.
Why was this happening?
Was he afraid?
What am I afraid of?
He stepped into the water. The river was neither deep nor shallow, barely reaching Yōsen's thighs, yet his sense of panic grew increasingly severe. A feeling of suffocation washed over him, and his heart pounded violently, as if a pair of invisible hands were strangling his neck. Yōsen came to a realization.
He was afraid of water.
Why was he afraid of water?
Had something happened in those unknown memories of the past?
Yōsen pondered, closing his eyes as he cupped the icy river water in both hands and splashed it onto his face. The coolness calmed him down considerably. Composing himself, he looked back and found that Shinobu was no longer there.
'Had she already left?' He had wanted to talk to her more. Yōsen then began to clean the grime from his body.
...
Shinobu emerged from the forest. She had just gone back to explain the necessary precautions to the Kakushi who had arrived, and then she returned.
Upon her return, she saw Yōsen, who had just finished changing. Shinobu approached and looked closely; it really did suit him. However...
"Yōsen-san, you've tied it wrong."
Shinobu untied the belt at Yōsen's waist. The clothes that had been snug against his skin became loose and baggy, fully revealing Yōsen's fair chest and tight muscle lines. The crisscrossing scars upon them possessed a sort of chaotic beauty.
"I... thought you... had already left."
Shinobu did not reply. She was stunned by this sudden flashbang.
With his hair was still wet, a droplets occasionally falling from the tips and sliding down his collarbones. His eyes stared unblinkingly at Shinobu.
He had intended to learn the knot from her, but since Shinobu remained motionless, Yōsen asked:
"What's... wrong?"
Shinobu snapped out of her daze. In her panic, she quickly tied a girly knot, then released her hands and said, as if trying to cover something up, "I was just thinking about how to tie it."
"Oh..." Yōsen was a bit disappointed. Shinobu had tied it too quickly, and he hadn't been able to learn how.
For a moment, the two fell into silence. In the forest, insects and birds chirped together, the evening breeze swayed the branches, and the river water splashed.
Yōsen sat on a large boulder, and Shinobu sat down beside him. After a moment's thought, Yōsen looked at Shinobu and said, "I... remembered some... things."
Shinobu's eyes widened slightly, and she smiled gently as she congratulated him. "That's wonderful, Yōsen-san!"
"..."
Yōsen was silent for a moment before saying:
"It's not good."
"Eh?" Shinobu didn't understand why Yōsen said that. Why was he unhappy about regaining his memories? Was it a bad memory?
"I'm... afraid of water."
In the middle of cleaning himself, a fragmented memory suddenly appeared in Yōsen's mind.
His younger self was being held down in a water vat. Darkness, suffocation—his instinct for survival made him struggle with all his might. Water kept pouring into his lungs, yet he could not break free from the restraint of that large hand.
Whenever he was on the verge of suffocating, he would be pulled out of the water. Before he could take more than a few breaths of air, he would be pushed back in again. Finally, he was discarded on the ground like a dead dog.
The owner of that hand leisurely took out a handkerchief to dry the water stains on his hands, then slowly crouched down beside him. A low, smug voice reached his ears:
"This is the consequence of disobedience. All you need to do is be a good, obedient dog, and there wouldn't be so much trouble. Do you still dare to defy orders?"
In response, Yōsen suddenly opened his mouth and bit down on the man's wrist. The man grimaced in pain. After struggling to break free, he pulled out a whip from nearby. The whip lashed violently through the air and landed directly on Yōsen's body.
...
"That is... what I... remembered."
"..."
"Yōsen-san..." After hearing Yōsen's story, Shinobu felt a pang of heartache.
"Can you... pat my... head?" Like a fawn seeking comfort, Yōsen lowered his head and leaned closer to Shinobu. Shinobu readily accepted, her soft small hand touching his still-damp hair, gently smoothing down the strands that were sticking up.
"Yōsen-san, perhaps sometimes forgetting is a form of liberation..."
"If you can forget the bad things, then let them be in the past. If all your previous memories are bad, it might be better to just forgetting them..."
Yōsen closed his eyes, feeling Shinobu's touch. It was so warm, so reassuring. Yōsen was very familiar with this feeling; it seemed that in the past, there was someone who would also gently stroke his head like this. This person was perhaps the one who frequently appeared in his mind.
That person was someone important in his subconscious whom he should not forget. No matter how painful the past was, if that person existed, it wouldn't matter.
"No, I... want to remember."
"I have... someone... I don't want to forget."
"A very... very good person."
"Is that so?" Shinobu withdrew her hand and hugged her knees, resting her head on them as she looked at the river not far away. "I thought so too. There might have been someone in your past who was especially good to you, Yōsen-san, otherwise you wouldn't be so kind after all that."
"It's wonderful that you were able to meet such a good person."
"Mhm."
Yōsen tone was not as cold as usual; there was a hint of joy in his voice. His habitually cold face now wore a soft smile.
So this is what Yōsen looks like when he smiles...
He really should smile more.
'If only he were smiling like this because of me...'