These eyes… I can feel their power! Soon, Itachi… soon!
Sasuke clenched his fist, a surge of triumph momentarily washing away the humiliation of having his face planted in the dirt. His decision to swallow his pride and seek out this terrifying man had been the right one. The throbbing in his cheek was a small price to pay for the tangible power humming within his newly evolved Three-Tomoe Sharingan.
"That's enough for now," Namikaze Raimon declared, cutting through Sasuke's victorious thoughts. "You're still just a kid. Your foundation is weak. The Sharingan is a powerful tool, but what good is it if your body can't keep up?"
He wasn't just spouting platitudes. It was a fundamental problem. Even if Sasuke's eyes could perfectly predict an opponent's movements, his physical speed and strength were lacking. It was like an old man seeing a beautiful woman—the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak and spongy.
"Sensei, what should I do?" Sasuke's voice was urgent, his desire for power a burning fire in his gut. Thoughts of Orochimaru and his cursed seal were pushed aside; this was a faster, more direct path.
Raimon scratched his head. He didn't have a quick fix for the Cursed Seal; that was a problem for the Uchiha family drama to resolve later. "Hiss~ Let me think…"
A familiar, booming voice in the distance provided the answer.
"LEE! IT'S ALRIGHT! YOUTH IS NOT ABOUT GIVING UP!"
There, pushing a heavily bandaged Rock Lee in a wheelchair, was Might Guy, his signature green spandex gleaming in the sun and his smile a blinding wall of pure white teeth. Raimon had to admit, the kid in the wheelchair had true grit, reaching such heights through sheer, backbreaking effort alone.
What a tragedy, Raimon mused. In a world that worships bloodlines, hard work can only take you so far when everyone else is cheating. He idly wondered if he could capture an Ōtsutsuki and use it as a personal Tailed Beast.
"Ah! Perfect!" Raimon exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "See that? Train with that guy for a year or so, and you'll be strong enough to kick Uchiha Itachi's teeth in!"
He pointed directly at Might Guy. As for whether the taijutsu master would agree… well, that was a minor detail.
"Yo! Watermelon Head!" Raimon called out, adopting a casual, beckoning wave. "Over here! Come on over!"
Might Guy, who had been entirely focused on encouraging his disciple, turned his head. The moment his eyes landed on Raimon, the vibrant green of his jumpsuit was instantly darkened by a cold sweat that soaked through the fabric.
"I-It's him?!" Guy's heart plummeted into his stomach. He was a dead man. He had, on several… ahem… critical occasions, accidentally interrupted Raimon's private 'training sessions' with Tsunade. If he hadn't always flashed his brilliant, oblivious smile and vanished in a puff of youthful exuberance, Tsunade would have pounded him into the ground herself years ago.
"Y-you called for me?" Guy stammered, pointing a trembling finger at his own chest, desperately hoping he was mistaken.
"Yes, you! Get over here!" Raimon's tone brooked no argument.
Guy's face crumpled like a week-old lemon, but he obediently pushed Lee's wheelchair over to the group, his posture stiff with dread.
"I'M SORRY!" he blurted out, bowing so deeply and suddenly his forehead nearly touched his knees. He prayed with every fiber of his being that the demon before him had a short memory.
"What are you so scared of? Do I look like a monster?" Raimon asked, his eyes narrowing into a smile that didn't reach them.
"I said, stand up straight!" Raimon barked.
Guy shot upright instantly, his body rigid as a steel pole.
Raimon patted Sasuke's shoulder. "This kid, Sasuke. He's going to train with you for a while."
"J-just that? HAHAHA! No problem at all! It would be an honor to guide the flames of his youth! But…" Guy's exuberant laughter died as he glanced down at Lee in the wheelchair, his expression clouded with worry for his precious student.
"When Tsunade gets back to the village, I'll have her take a look at your boy," Raimon said, his tone implying it was a done deal.
With that guarantee, Might Guy's spirits soared. He eagerly took charge of a confused Sasuke and began pushing Lee away, desperate to put distance between himself and his personal nightmare.
"Wind & Lightning Secret Ultimate! Ultimate Taijutsu: Thousand-Year Fire Dragon Lightning-Sky Spiral Drill!" Raimon chanted, a tiny, almost cute version of his infamous electric drill crackling to life in his palm. He wasn't cruel enough to seriously injure the man, but a little lesson was absolutely necessary. If not for Guy's terrible timing, his and Tsunade's child would probably be older than Naruto by now!
Might Guy, pushing the wheelchair, suddenly felt every hair on his body stand on end. A primal, deeply instinctual clenching sensation seized him.
FWOOSH—ZZAP!
In a yellow flash, Raimon appeared directly behind him. The miniature drill made contact with a precise, stinging thwack.
"OHOHOHO—!" Guy let out a strangled, high-pitched cry, and in a burst of pure, unadulterated panic, he shot forward, pushing Lee's wheelchair at a speed that defied physics, vanishing in a cloud of dust down the path.
Sasuke, who had been standing there processing the rapid sequence of events, was left standing alone, eating a mouthful of the dust Guy had kicked up.
Uh… "Well? What are you waiting for? Go catch up to your new sensei!" Raimon yelled, snapping Sasuke out of his daze.
Sasuke took off running, but at his current speed, all he could do was choke on more of Guy's dust trail.
"Tch. He's improving, though," Raimon noted to himself. He'd calibrated that drill perfectly—it would shred Guy's pants and leave a few superficial scratches, the kind that would heal before he even decided to see a medic-nin.
By the time Sasuke finally caught up, panting and wheezing, they were on the complete opposite side of Konoha's outer wall.
"M-Might Guy-sensei! Are you… are you alright?" Sasuke gasped, hands on his knees.
"I'm fine! I'm fine! The flames of youth cannot be extinguished by a mere… love tap!" Guy declared, secretly rejoicing. After the first few 'interruptions,' he'd diligently trained his gluteal muscles for exactly this scenario. The training had lapsed after hearing of Raimon's death, but the foundation had saved him today. That, and Raimon's noticeable restraint.
"It seems I must resume my special posterior endurance training!" Guy mused, rubbing his sore backside.
"But now! Since that esteemed person has entrusted your youth to me, we shall burn with passion together!" Guy boomed, his confidence returning now that Raimon was out of sight.
"Yes, Might Guy-sensei!" Sasuke replied, a determined fire igniting in his own eyes.
"EXCELLENT! THEN FOR OUR FIRST TRAINING! WE SHALL CIRCLE KONOHA TEN TIMES… USING ONLY THE POWER OF OUR BUTTOCKS!"
Before Sasuke could even process the command, Guy sat down on the ground, lifted his feet, and, while still gripping Lee's wheelchair, began propelling himself forward using only the rhythmic, powerful clenching and unclenching of his glutes. (A move inspired by a certain cheeky kindergarten detective/ Referencing Crayon Shin-chan).
(⊙∀⊙!)
Sasuke's brain short-circuited. His jaw hung slack. "Th-this… this is training?!"
Raimon-Sensei sent me to him… he must know what he's doing. This… this must be the path to true power!
And so, Uchiha Sasuke, the last proud heir of the illustrious Uchiha clan, sat down on the dirt path and began to wiggle his way after his new sensei, his resolve steeled. For power, he would endure any humiliation.
...
Back with Namikaze Raimon and Naruto, a very different kind of assessment was underway.
After Guy's departure, Raimon had decided to test Naruto's fundamentals. The results made him want to facepalm so hard his Edo Tensei head might pop off.
"What in the world is this?!" Raimon groaned, utterly exasperated. No wonder the kid failed all his written exams. He was a practical learner in the worst way possible! He had no foundational knowledge of chakra theory, elemental affinity, or even basic trajectory calculation. He just threw jutsu out and hoped for the best.
It was clear that Naruto needed to start from scratch. The Flying Thunder God was a pipe dream if he couldn't even grasp the basics.
Fortunately, as a Jinchuriki, Naruto had chakra to burn. If he used the Multi-Shadow Clone Technique for learning, his progress could be exponentially faster.
"Uncle… I'm strong too, you know!" Naruto whined, looking dejected. "My jutsu even made Grandpa Hokage bleed from the nose! I'll show you!"
Before Raimon could stop him, Naruto formed a hand sign. "Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
POOF! POOF! POOF!
Dozens of Naruto shadow clones appeared in a massive cloud of smoke, surrounding Raimon.
But Naruto wasn't done. "Transform!" the clones yelled in unison.
POOF!
As the smoke cleared, dozens of figures were revealed. But they weren't copies of Raimon, or of Naruto.
Standing before him were dozens of uncensored, fully realized, and devastatingly attractive versions of 'Naruko'.
Raimon's eyes widened. "What in the ever-loving hell?!"